Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by yanhong
Name: Yanhong
Joined: Mar 23, 2019
Last Post: Mar 29, 2019
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
Likes: 2
From: Australia
School: Flinders University

Displayed posts: 6
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
yanhong   
Mar 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / Task 1 - the figure for internet usage [3]

adult people who use internet in the uk



The table compares England adults in different age groups in terms of the use of internet on a daily basis between 2003 and 2006.

It is clear that a considerably larger percentage of young adults used the internet everyday throughout the period shown, while there were the least proportion of older people who had access to internet on a daily basis.

In 2003, the frequent internet users were young adults aged 16 to 24, with the figure standing at 80% before reaching a peak of 100% in 2005. By contrast, there was only 15 % of older people aged 65 and over who had a daily access to internet in 2003, and this figure rose gradually to 19% in 2006.

By 2006, the percentage of people between 25 and 44 years old using the internet had increased by average 10% every year from 50 % in 2003. The increase trend can also be seen in the figures for internet users aged 25 to 44 and 45 to 54, rising by 30% and 17% respectively at the end of the period.




yanhong   
Mar 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 1] UK commuters using three different means of transport [3]

As this line graph refers to the present and the future trend. It is advised to separate them into two body graph so that the essay can look more structured and organized. I also found some sentences that need to improve.

1) most popular traffic tool.
2),with 4 million travelers was recorded in 2018.
3) the figure for bus users falls gradually to only about 3 million over the period shown.
yanhong   
Mar 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Should children read entertainment books only [3]

@anhpnguyen
Hi, the structure of this essay looks fine, but there are some areas that you still need to improve. Some sentences sounds unnatural and do not follow the right grammatical rules。 For example, the first sentence in the first paragraph can be written in a more precise way, like: People have different views about what kinds of books that children should read. There are various typos in the essay, like" myraid". In the first body graph, the sentence" it is undeniable..." is too strong. Are you 100 % sure that children don't have more options to entertain nowadays?.

When you try to give an example by using the phrase like for example, should remember to present a whole sentence rather than a phrase.

I hope these suggestions may be helpful:)
yanhong   
Mar 24, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: more young people in society - evaluation of this trend [4]

Population structure



At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively larger number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?


Some countries' populations consist of a larger proportion of young people and a smaller percentage of older citizens. Compared to the other countries with more aging population, this trend can certainly bring more benefits to societies although it may present some potential drawbacks.

It is true that an increasing number of younger generations may cause possible social issues. One concern is that there might be more unemployed people in the community as more young adults enter the job market simultaneously. As a result, those who have fewer qualifications and lower levels of skills will be unable to compete in an increasingly competitive job market. Another problem may be considered from the housing situation. The young tend to move out from their parents' house and choose to live alone, which leads governments to provide more affordable housing for young adults to meet their growing demand. In other words, governments need to spend more money to tackle the housing issue.

In spite of above mentioned considerations, I believe that the advantages of having more younger population cannot be denied. There is no doubt that a large number of young people means an adequate workforce in society, which would dramatically improve the national productivity, and therefore maintain a stable and healthy economy. Additionally, there will be less money spent by governments on medical services because young adults are usually in robust health. This saved money can be better utilized in educational programmes so that those younger adults can get access to a higher standard of education and accordingly improve their employability.

In conclusion, although the problems of a larger proportion of young population in a country may appear, I believe that its drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits that the trend brings.