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Task 1 - the figure for internet usage

yanhong 2 / 4 2  
Mar 27, 2019   #1

adult people who use internet in the uk

The table compares England adults in different age groups in terms of the use of internet on a daily basis between 2003 and 2006.

It is clear that a considerably larger percentage of young adults used the internet everyday throughout the period shown, while there were the least proportion of older people who had access to internet on a daily basis.

In 2003, the frequent internet users were young adults aged 16 to 24, with the figure standing at 80% before reaching a peak of 100% in 2005. By contrast, there was only 15 % of older people aged 65 and over who had a daily access to internet in 2003, and this figure rose gradually to 19% in 2006.

By 2006, the percentage of people between 25 and 44 years old using the internet had increased by average 10% every year from 50 % in 2003. The increase trend can also be seen in the figures for internet users aged 25 to 44 and 45 to 54, rising by 30% and 17% respectively at the end of the period.

ridhoswasta 1 / 2  
Mar 27, 2019   #2
hey bro! I found some grammatical error, here is it :

everyday >> every day
internet >> the internet

I'm sorry if I make a mistake in correcting your essay because I'm an English learner too.

Maria - / 1,098 389  
Mar 27, 2019   #3
I suggest moving your second paragraph to the last portion of the essay. The text was pertaining to a conclusion, however you had not presented the data yet. It would be better if you expound on this first to create a structured inductive method of essay writing. You should as well try to omit unnecessary words.

If I were you, this is how I would have written it:
A considerably large percentage of young adults use the internet in the periods shown. In contrast, there were less older people who accessed the internet daily.

This is a more straightforward approach than needing to stretch your sentences. Dragging your sentences unnecessarily can
I would also suggest that you change the way in which you transition your paragraphs. Let's take into consideration your third paragraph. I would have phrased the first sentence as this:

Aged 16 to 24 occupied an 80% percentage of internet users in 2003. This led to a peak of 100% in 2005.
This removes redundant words and punctuation. If you streamline your words and arrangement, it will create a better structure overall for your essay.
Check as well your usage of articles. There were instances wherein you could have omitted them to better the flow but had still used them.

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