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Posts by Jipsa Jadwani
Name: Jipsa Jadwani
Joined: Apr 16, 2019
Last Post: Jul 10, 2019
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
Likes: 4
From: India
School: Rajkumar college

Displayed posts: 7
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Jipsa Jadwani   
Jul 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / Responsibility of the Clean and tidy streets [2]

Please provide a feedback

MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT IN ORDER TO HAVE CLEAN AND TIDY STREETS IN THEIR NEIGHBOURHOODS, THIS SHOULD BE RESIDENT'S RESPONSIBILITY, WHILE OTHERS THINK IT SHOULD BE GOVERNMENT'S DUTY. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?



An immaculate street is a healthy sign of a developing locality, and it also has far-flung effects on a nation's aesthetics. However, the body responsible to keep the lanes of an area is a contentious issue. Some say local natives should look after the cleanliness of their sorrounding area, others believe that the governing body should take charge of the same. This essay will argue why, I think, it is essential for the latter to be the controlling figure.

To embark on, the government has the authority to implement a law restricting garbage disposal on the streets. A myriad of people lacks the enthusiasm to initiate the tidiness of their near-by area and instead of cleaning a pre-existing litter, many dispose their rubbish as well on the same spot making the condition even worse. Hence, the state can create a potential ripple that is constructive as well as encouraging by implementing few laws restricting garbage disposal on roads. To illustrate, the UK government has heavy penalty for disturbing the pristine conditions of the streets, and in order to avoid such fines, people help maintain these roads.

Furthermore, it is the state's job to provide the basic facilities and utilities in order to have unspoiled roads, such as, public toilets and dustbins. Although these might seem as small necessities, they play a pivotal role in maintaining the locality's spotless condition. For instance, installing garbage bins at every few yards at a walkway, reduce a native's urge to throw rubbish on street as he/she spots a bin at a near distance.

To reiterate, I believe that it is the state's responsibility to keep the city spike and span. This can be achieved by taking two simple measures involving implementing a no-litter on streets law and provision of garbage collecting containers and public restrooms
Jipsa Jadwani   
Jun 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Part II: Essay about the positive and negative development of tourism in some country [4]

The recent years has witnessed an increase of in the number ... tourism industries. It is happened happening because ... purposesreasons and brungbrings a ton of ...

Can be rewritten as
There has been a drastic growth in tourism in developing nations for several reasons and this growth has many beneficial effects on the host countries.

First of all Firstly, ... the easest easiest way ...

Your essay lack proper structure. In BP1 where you mentioned that this business doesn't require any skilled worker is somewhat wrong.
This field does require bi-lingual or multilingual staff.

"we might start to run the property when all the facilities are done."
What property are you talking about...what facilities are done?

"For instance, in Vietnam, there are several untouched ..." Not a relevant example.
Jipsa Jadwani   
Jun 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS- parents give more freedom to children nowadays [3]

Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. Is it a positive or negative development?
Give your opinion and include relevant examples.


These days children are given lot more privacy and space by thier caretakers than they did in the last few decades. This increased liberty definitely acts as steppin stone to a charismatic personality and also serves valuable life experiences for the children, if it is used in right direction.

There are numerous benefits of giving freedom to the children. Firstly, it thrives to improve their decision-making skills and bring out the best in them. Moreover, experience is the best teacher and children gain Lion's share of life experiences when they are on their own. To illustrate, a child who is free to make his or her life decision tend to learn a lot about interpersonal skills than their counterparts, especially when they make mistakes. Although when children are given more freedom they fall and make mistakes, these wrong and mistakes play an indispensable role in developing their personality and characteristics.

While this increased freedom has several advantages, too much of anything may do more harm than good. Parents should know when to put down their foot to avoid undesirable consequences. Afterall, parents always think in the best interest of their children and putting certain boundaries may protect their offsprings from plethora of crimes. To illustrate, cyber crime is one of the biggest and most complicated problem in the cyber world and if given unlimited and unsupervised internet access to children may increase their susceptibility to fall prey to such crimes. Hence in certain situations, it is absolutely necessary to restraint children in order to protect them from mishaps

In conclusion,giving freedom to children may teach them many life-surviving skills and bring out their best personality. However, interference in few situations by parents is utmost necessary in order to protect innocent children from becoming victims to crimes.
Jipsa Jadwani   
Apr 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Space Exploration and Humankind Existence - IELTS TASK 2 [5]

Firstly, you only wrote about benefits of space exploration. You should have mentioned about the other side of the coin too. Like how the money can be used to develop public services. Usually ielts question has two statements like some people believe its good to spend money on space exploration while some dont. So pick a side and first write about the other side which u dont believe in. Imagine like building a structure n then in your next para destroy the structure by agruing against those points. Thats what i do when i write my essays.

I think you should avoid writing 'in a nutshell'. I read somewhere is not very formal. Eithed go for in conclusion or to conclude or to sum up.

Keep it simple
Jipsa Jadwani   
Apr 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / In many countries day by day rubbish (garbage) is increasing. Why is it happening? What can be done? [3]

My advices-
1. Your introduction part is little deviated from the topic...your opening sentence is focusing on overpopulation. It should be about wastes that human produce and then you may write that it is due to overpopulation.

2. Your solutions should match the problems
For example, you mentioned about plastics so in your solution para you can mention how to avoid plastic n use a material thats bio-degradable.

3. Few grammartical mistakes. For instance
serious effect on global climate
However, you instead of saying serious effect, you may say it has grave consequences or it has severe impact.
Jipsa Jadwani   
Apr 18, 2019
Writing Feedback / Improving people's health by cleaning the environment. TOEFL writing [4]

My advices
Your writing style is very informal. Though i am preparing for IELTS, I think the writing skills required for both ielts n toefl is more or less the same.

Improve your topic related vocabulary.

There are few grammartical mistakes
"in the opinion of my my opinion"
Cleaning the environment can ...

It would be better to mention the importance of exercising rather than gyming and then you can writw about gym as an example.
Jipsa Jadwani   
Apr 17, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS- effects advertisement on consumer goods sale [3]

advertisements influence on buyers



Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree
?

In this digital world, advertisement is becoming increasingly popular and persuasive. Some people highlight that an impressive sale of an commodity is directly proportional to the way it is advertised, regardless of its utility. In my opinion, I partially disagree that advertisement always urge people to buy products that they may not need, although it has a very powerful impact on them.

Advertisements are benefial for any business as it promote their products in various forms. However, not all the products advertised are required by mankind. For instance, "diet coke" is not only an unneccesary beverage but also hazardous to health. In addition, It has been found to effect cardiovascular system and may cause hypertension following continuous long-term use. Although it has many drawbacks, the sale of diet coke is sky-rocketing ever since it has been endorsed by a famous cricketer.

On the other hand, few people believe that advertisements help boost the economic growth of a country by encouraging more buying. Furthermore, an experienced men would not fall prey to an attractively advertised. but otherwise, irrelevant product. Also, buying goods also depends on the financial status of an individual. For example, a person who is struggling to make both ends meet would not be tempted to buy any random product which has been advertised manipulatively. Lastly, not all the advertisements broadcast needless goods.

In conclusion, there are few individuals who purchase anything they find trendy on an advertisement. However, a mature person is unlikely to be enticed by such eye-catching advertisements, especially if he is under budget constraints.

Kindly review and give an approximate band score