Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. Is it a positive or negative development?
Give your opinion and include relevant examples.
These days children are given lot more privacy and space by thier caretakers than they did in the last few decades. This increased liberty definitely acts as steppin stone to a charismatic personality and also serves valuable life experiences for the children, if it is used in right direction.
There are numerous benefits of giving freedom to the children. Firstly, it thrives to improve their decision-making skills and bring out the best in them. Moreover, experience is the best teacher and children gain Lion's share of life experiences when they are on their own. To illustrate, a child who is free to make his or her life decision tend to learn a lot about interpersonal skills than their counterparts, especially when they make mistakes. Although when children are given more freedom they fall and make mistakes, these wrong and mistakes play an indispensable role in developing their personality and characteristics.
While this increased freedom has several advantages, too much of anything may do more harm than good. Parents should know when to put down their foot to avoid undesirable consequences. Afterall, parents always think in the best interest of their children and putting certain boundaries may protect their offsprings from plethora of crimes. To illustrate, cyber crime is one of the biggest and most complicated problem in the cyber world and if given unlimited and unsupervised internet access to children may increase their susceptibility to fall prey to such crimes. Hence in certain situations, it is absolutely necessary to restraint children in order to protect them from mishaps
In conclusion,giving freedom to children may teach them many life-surviving skills and bring out their best personality. However, interference in few situations by parents is utmost necessary in order to protect innocent children from becoming victims to crimes.
I think your essay is really good, with variety of vocabs and clear opinions throughout the paragraph. You mention both pros and cons of the problems so it is reachable. However, I was a little confused when reading the ideas in the second paragraph. The first idea is improving skills and the second is having experience, but you use interperrsonal skills as examples so I think the ideas are repeated.
"Firstly, it thrives to (...) they make mistakes"
I think you should divide these into two main ideas: first is improving first-hand skills such as decision-making or interpersonal ones. second is that children can experience more aspects in life which was previously controlled by parents, like they can travel on their own and broaden their horizons.
Anyway, I think your essay is really good.
Hope that my comments will be beneficial to you.
@Jipsa Jadwani
Hi there!
First and foremost, ensure that you would have clarity in the delivery of your message. It often occurs that there becomes misdirection and miscommunication because of the failed attempts to properly structure sentences. Always refer back to your English books in order to keep yourself clear of these typical mistakes.
That being said, optimizing your essay would also be beneficial for you, given that it would enable you to have hold over the content to add more depth. Remember that the usage of excesses and fillers (especially when working within word counts) often hinder us from having creative discussions in the latter portions because we waste the space that should be allocated to them. Bear this in mind.
Observe, for instance, the following revision:
There are numerous benefits ... Firstly, it thrives to improve ... and brings out ... ... experiences when they are on their own in this way. To illustrate, a A child who ... life decisions tend to learn a lot about interpersonal skills than their counterparts others, especially ...
Saying, for instance, the words "to illustrate" is often demonstrative of a specific example. Because, in your writing, this was more of a general analysis than a concrete illustration, it would be alright for you to omit these words.
Bear these in mind as you are writing.
Best of luck as always!
