Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by quavius
Name: Param Kapoor
Joined: Sep 1, 2019
Last Post: Sep 21, 2019
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
Likes: 2
From: United States of America
School: Obra D. Tompkins High School

Displayed posts: 7
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quavius   
Sep 21, 2019
Undergraduate / The complexity of Climate Change - Princeton essay [3]

climate change - the challenge for the whole world



"One of the great challenges of our time is that the disparities we face today have more complex causes and point less straightforwardly to solutions." Omar Wasow, assistant professor of politics, Princeton University. This quote is taken from Professor Wasow's January 2014 speech at the Martin Luther King Day celebration at Princeton University. Write about an issue you feel strongly towards in around 650 words.

Growing up, my family was either attending dinner parties or hosting them. Though such occasions were meant to be fun, social gatherings, there were a number of criteria I had to keep memorized for the sake of formality. Quite possibly the most important rule was to never bring up topics that could stir controversy in conversation. During my parents' generation, the list consisted of politics, religion, and money.

In my generation, it seems as if we have quietly added one more topic to the list: Climate change. Like politics, any stance on the issue can be polarizing and lead to dissension. Like money, it can cause embarrassment and incite visceral reactions. Like religion, people tend to be vehement about their views. Yet unlike these other topics, is climate change the one we should be talking about?

Living in the modern age comes with the benefit of quick dissemination of information. With increased access to news and media, it's easier than ever to comprehend the sheer devastation caused by our careless actions towards the environment. Through these mediums, it becomes clear that there is a trend within our society to simply shrug off the growing dangers of climate change and 'put it off until tomorrow'. Even when people show concern, it usually isn't mirrored with action to adjust their lifestyles. Instead of accepting that we need to change, we tend to rationalize our inaction.

But the biggest problem with climate change isn't inherently in inaction, it's in what kind of action. There are many stakeholders, and the problem's shape, definition, and potential solutions look different from each perspective; resulting in no true-false solutions, only better-worse ones. Global warming is a "global" dilemma and everyone has an obligation to help combat our unsustainable impact on the planet, but, unfortunately, the mismatch between when we need to act and when many of the benefits will accrue explains why climate change is such a politically and economically perplexing problem.

Within our present state of society, we point fingers at others and blame them for disrupting global ecosystems, but a step-back and a reevaluation of the situation paints a vastly different picture than the one we are looking at currently.

Brazil is an often cited example of ecosystemic disruption. With deforestation rates on the upswing in recent years and abundant evidence showing that the recent Amazonian fires are mostly caused by local ranchers, the country is a perfect scapegoat to blame for the myriad of issues we all face. However, it's seemingly forgotten how the Amazon provides the livelihood for over 30 million Brazilians, many of whom have no other option to escape poverty, and without the ability to get an education to work in greener industries, ranching is many Brazilians' only possible vocation.

This inherent clash between the proponents to finding solutions as depicted by the situation in Brazil is what drew me to studying climate change. Taking classes in school such as government, statistics, economics, as well as involvement in debate, has allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of the nuances associated with creating plausible solutions on a national and global scale.

These classes provided the stepping stone for me to get involved with efforts to combat climate change and spread awareness at the national level. But in order to pursue this newfound interest, I had to find an established, like-minded company that could provide me with the opportunity to apply the skills I learned in school to spread information to incite action while simultaneously continuing to learn more thoroughly over the topic. After reaching out to several companies, I finally heard back from Fig Bytes and was given a platform from which I could delve deeply into my interest over the impact of plastics on the environment.

Any feedback is appreciated!
quavius   
Sep 21, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 Writing - Compulsory military service for unemployed youth [3]

hey there, I think you're on the right track with this essay and a few key improvements can be made.
First, your intro is almost too short. Start off with an example or story that corresponds with your viewpoint.
Second, you take a very polarizing stance on what teens should do after school. reword this to explain your position better and cite the source that you talk about.

Hope that helps!
quavius   
Sep 21, 2019
Writing Feedback / In the past museums stored information about culture and history. Nowadays everything is online. [2]

Hey there, I think you did a great job with the idea of the essay, but it is missing the refinement and analysis that could set it miles apart from other similarly positioned pieces.

first of all, I would preface the intro with an anecdote or example that really highlights the feel museums give that technology just can't. This will hook in the reader and keep them interested.

This essay will discuss the issue from cultural and financial aspects to reveal why I disagree that museums are not needless.
second, don't explicitly state this, instead make an open thesis that answers this.
friend Mohammed, when he intentionally visit France to see the Louver museum
finally, expand this idea- it is personal. Also, fix the grammatical errors you have -> 'when he intentionally visitED France"
keep working and i'm sure your finished product will be amazing!
quavius   
Sep 17, 2019
Undergraduate / Write about a person who has made a meaningful impact on you. Hasan Minhaj. [2]

Hi everyone, this is a very early draft of my first essay. I'm writing about Hasan Minhaj, a politcal comedian who hosts 'Patriot Act'. I've posted my first 2 paragraphs, and I wanted feedback on expanding on my first introduction to learning when I mention debate and reading with my dad. I wanted to combine these two paragraphs into one so the rest of the essay can be used in explaining how this person's impact was significant to me and connect it back to me so that you're ultimately revealing something unique about yourself to the admissions committee.

overcoming my inertia



Even though what would once span an entire library can now fit into the palm of our hand, we as a generation are misusing that gift of information. Our generation can be characterized by Newton's first law of motion. "An object, unless acted upon by an external force, rest remains at rest" Our generation is characterized by inertia- unless pushed to learn, we tend to not seek it. Yet, through a combination of participating in debate, reading newspapers with my dad, and watching Hasan Minhaj, I was able to overcome my inertia and can remain in a state of motion for the long run.

In Homecoming King, Hasan Minhaj recalled the day in September 2001, that he came home to discover his family's car had been vandalized. He realized that because he was born in the U.S., he had "the right of equality," but his father, who calmly swept up the broken glass, saw the crime as just "the price we pay for being here." His commitment to illuminating issues for an audience through personal experience is what ignites a passion in me for delving straight to the root of the issue to figure out solutions. He uses this response in his show, Patriot Act, to discuss breaking news as a jumping-off point to explore who is affected by current events. The goal is to show viewers how hot-button issues might affect them personally, even if they feel detached from the headlines.
quavius   
Sep 17, 2019
Undergraduate / My Statistics Personal Statement (GKS Undergraduate) [2]

I really think you're on the right track with this essay but it's missing one crucial detail. You do a great job of setting up the why you're interested in the topic, but you could expand upon what you want to use with that knowledge. I would take out the part where you mention the great deal of jobs it offers, and instead focus on your passion for the subject, otherwise your reasoning for liking the topic seems superficial.

I also recommend making the essay sequential from a first introduction to making it a hobby to experiences that made it more meaningful to what you want to achieve with the study.

Hope that helps!
quavius   
Sep 6, 2019
Undergraduate / The Great Depression / Economics - Transfer Application Essay for Georgia Tech [3]

Hello, I admire your passion for your choice, and it seems like you have a big decision of your schooling career locked down.

I think the biggest piece missing in your essay is your passion. Even though you cite your interest, as the reader, I'm getting more of the sense that you want to pursue this field since GT has great facilities. You're writing about what the school can do for you, rather than what you can do for the school. I would reorganize the essay to combine the important aspects of both paragraphs into one while adding a paragraph about what you are planning to do with that experience. You hint at it with your entrepreneurial spirit, but I think if you expand upon it, it'll shine on who you are as a person and your motivations, while also reinforcing that you have a plan of using the school's resources to do something like no one else can.

Hope that helps!
quavius   
Sep 1, 2019
Undergraduate / Common app prompt 6 (engaging activities) - Investing with Dad [2]

Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time

.
Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?


Everyone struggles with something in school.
For me, it was learning geometry and probability as a freshman. After deciding my teacher was absolutely no use to me during tutorials, I turned towards the next most logical choice: my dad. Full of confusion, I reached out to him, hoping for some quick advice. I instead saw his eyes light up eagerly, giddy for the opportunity to teach what he had learned as a student at Wharton Business School. That night, I actually learned about terms like "permutations" and "transversals", and felt ecstatic off the natural high after experiencing my first "aha!" moment. Seeing my grades improve, I chose to start sitting with my dad more often and practice what I struggled in. These conversations mostly ebbed and flowed around what I was learning at school, but soon we began talking about financial competence, or as my dad puts it: "The most important skill one can have".

As a 13-year-old, this bored me to death, yet I made conscious efforts to absorb my dad's wise words. The beginning few weekends consisted of going over basic terms, like "supply-demand curves", "elasticity", and "monopolies", but we slowly became more hands-on, and once we got to actual investing, I was hooked. My dad warned me, however, "It's not a game, it's much easier to lose money than it is to gain profits." He added only half-jokingly, "Also don't use 'eeny-meeny-miny-mo' to justify your actions in investing!" Since then, every day precisely at 9:15 p.m, the two of us get together and discuss our new findings for the day. I'm not afraid to admit it: I sucked at this in the beginning. While my dad would share details about market caps and inter-relational GDP's, I would share details about new smartphone unveilings and speculations about pricing. But my dad showed patience, and I learned to understand what to look for within news clippings and headlines. Not long after, we began talking so fluently, my mom described it as "hearing Martians talk" due to how engrossed we were with the topic.

My dad believes it's up to him to illuminate the hidden workings of the world to me as I grow up. For the two of us, investing is our 3rd hidden working, right after 'friendships' and 'got your nose!' As we learned more, I realized Investing is the closest us humans can get to real magic. It's not hard to imagine a Portfolio Manager or Personal Consultant uttering the words, "Now for my next trick, I will make profits appear out of thin air!" Of course, all magicians have their secrets, and it is up to us to discover them. As I discover more and more 'magic tricks', I realize how applicable these lessons are within my daily life. Being able to analyze statistical data, organize charts, or plot directional variances isn't necessary to get through a normal day, but why simply amble when you can seize opportunities? This struck a chord with me, and the hunger to create something meaningful was on my mind. Investing is my perfect win-win-win situation; Where I'm able to apply my skills in my daily life, apply my profits for my expenses, and share my experience with my friends, all while increasing my awareness of our world. It's hard to contain my ramblings for the subject, evident through what my friends call "passionate, but too one-sided" debates at our lunch table.

I can admit that I faced difficulty in school with certain subjects. It's through my personal motivation that I overcame this struggle, and found something I'm passionate about. To me, there is no greater excitement than the ability to bring together my passion for investing and my daily life in ways that will support my desire for learning and higher understanding.

I'm still in the midst of editing, but before I continue, can I get some feedback and critiques?
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