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Posts by jungsooyeon
Name: Khanh Linh
Joined: Oct 31, 2019
Last Post: Nov 21, 2019
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
Likes: 4
From: Viet Nam
School: university of economics Ho Chi Minh City

Displayed posts: 7
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jungsooyeon   
Nov 21, 2019
Writing Feedback / WRITING IELTS TASK 2: the importance of music - it connects the people [3]

the soul of life



Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Music is the soul of life that people in every aspect of the world listen to diary. It is thought that music is a bright of differennces between cultures generation gaps. From my perspective, i completely agree with this sentiment.

First and foremost, music is the most fundamental thing people around the world do in a day. It may help connect residents in various classes of society together when music is not created for an individual, and there is distinction among levels of the society. Regularly, musicians compose songs based on their emtions inspire them to others who have the same feelings as them. Futhermore, music is considered as a thread of linking global citizens together since it can break all barriers of language. Vietnamese youngsters are keen on listening to K-pop music as an example for this reason. Regardless of the fact that not many Vietnamese know Korean, they listen Korean music due to their enjoyment of the melodys of the songs and their idols. Therefore, this may connect people in various countries.

In addition, music also makes people feel that they are younger than their real age, so it may remove all generational disparity. There are some genres of music such as Bolero, Ballad that people in all age group enjoy listening to. They do not distinguish whether they are the old or the young who can sing these songs, and bring this kind of music to some musical competitions. Last but not least, many yesteryear songs are still beloved by both adults anf youngsters nowadays.

In conclusion, music turns out insufficient in people's lives when it can link generations and people with different nations together.
jungsooyeon   
Nov 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS Part 1: Staff training provided by four companies. [4]

@Cuong Trinh
you have many mistakes in your writing. I see you have 2 overview in this writing: one in the first and two in the last. I suggest you should separate your writing into 4 paragraphs:

1st para: introduction
2nd para: overview
3rd para: body 1
4th para: body 2
you relay a lot of 'the percentage of company A,B,C,D' in your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. you can replay them with 'the proportion of, the rate of'. and 'the percentage of company A'? the percentage of what??? you need to change these sentenses. you should not use 'the figure' for this writing because it is measured in percent. and 'the figure for' is only utilized for a particular number.
jungsooyeon   
Nov 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Computer. Is this electric device the most crucial breakthrough of 21th century human civilization? [4]

@anh123
actually, i see you use the word 'regard' twice in the same sentence like 'with regard to', 'are regarded as'. I think you should replace the second 'regard' with 'consider'. they have the same meaning. Furthermore, if you agree that computer is the most important invention of the last hundred year, you should not illustrate benefits of other electric devices like smartphone because smartphone is not computer and it's more convenient than computer. Hence, I think it's better if you only focus on computer's advantages.
jungsooyeon   
Nov 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Taking a secure job right away rather than waiting for a job that could be more satisfying. [3]

@GaleEastwood
you have a range of mistake about your grammar and vocabulary. In the first paragraph, you use 'any opportunities will be...'. it's not correct in grammar and you should replace 'all opportunities' in this sentence. The sentence '... appropriate for individuals ...' is wrong. You should correct it. '..appropriate for individuals to wait for their best satisfied jobs...' because you have to use V-ing after an adjective 'appropriate' and 'best satisfied' not have '-'.

In the last sentence of paragraph 3 bottom up, i recommend you to use "remove" instead of utilizing "release" since 'release' have unsuitable meaning.
jungsooyeon   
Nov 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Essay about the poverty in developing countries [2]

@granda59363
hello. i have some feedback for you. i hope it's useful for you
'poverty still exist among them' you make a grammar mistake. 'exits' need to have 's' at the end of word=> 'exits' because 'poverty' is a singular noun.

'It is therefore' you should only use 'therefore/thus,ect..'
jungsooyeon   
Nov 17, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: The main problems of our time is the loss of some plants and animals? [4]

Some people say that the main environmental problems of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



There is no denying that our environment is in great danger when some genres of plants and wildlife are becoming extinct, whereas others believe that other environmental problems are more important. From my perspective, the most serious issue is climate change which is elaborated in this essay.

In modern society, some kinds of plants and animals are in danger of extinction due to polluted environment and used in labs, especially in some big cities. Many kinds of animals like mouse are used for experiments of new drugs and cosmetics to exam their safety, which may cause a decline in the quantity of fauna. Besides, plants in some cities are cut to make space for constructing buildings and malls. Another reason is that gas and waste from factories and households may pollute air and water. This cause may be more serious since it impacts on both animals and human beings. Pollution of water and air may result in some diseases such as lung cancer or even death that may decrease the number of creatures.

In my personal opinion, climage change has a great influence on both human lives and the Earth. In recent years, a variety of disasters such as Tsunami and Blizzards occur more constantly than in the past. When a flood attacts an area, it may destroy the whole constructions there, and make people turn into homeless and hungry. This flood does not hurt people, but also consumes a huge amount of money of the government when they have to support to build houses and cater food for their residents. Especially, this can affect negatively source of water as it is mixed by dirty one.

In conclution, there are a range of reasons that result in environmental issues, but I believe that the changes in climate are more vital.
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