tamtran
Jan 3, 2020
Writing Feedback / Which kind of organisations should carry out scientific research? [3]
@Maria
Thank you for your feedback!
@Maria
Thank you for your feedback!
tamtran
Dec 23, 2019
Writing Feedback / Which kind of organisations should carry out scientific research? [3]
Topic:
Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
Due to the importance and the difficulty of implementing scientific researches, not many organisations are capable of conducting them. Nowadays, they usually come into the hands of the government and some private organisations. It is argued that governments should be entirely involved in and in charge of those activities rather than corporations. I agree with the view that this should be funded and supervised by the state.
To begin with, there are two possible hidden dangers behind the research implemention by private organisations. The first one is that they might manipulate the results in order to maximise their profits. As follow, some medicines are not tested well before going into the market, and a few processes might be skipped to minimise the expenditure, causing unpredicted side effects. From an ethical perspective, it can lead to severve and long-term social effects. One example can be seen clearly is the Thalidomide disaster. It resulted in the births of thousands of malformed children, which the consequences still remain until now.
On the other hand, if the governments carry out and control those researches, the expenditure can be allocated reasonably and publicly. Moreover, universities are usually in charge of conducting them because they are in the area of expert. When people's benefits are prioritised, it is essential that they take those scientific researches into careful consideration. Therefore, the purpose is more of social driven and there is less bias towards profit earning. One example is the development of renewable resources to meet the growing demands.
To conclude, it is fairly risky to let private organisations be in charge of carrying out scientific researches. Therefore, governments should prioritise the expenditure on those and bear sole responsibility in implementing them.
whom to let be in charge of carrying out scientific researches?
Topic:
Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
Due to the importance and the difficulty of implementing scientific researches, not many organisations are capable of conducting them. Nowadays, they usually come into the hands of the government and some private organisations. It is argued that governments should be entirely involved in and in charge of those activities rather than corporations. I agree with the view that this should be funded and supervised by the state.
To begin with, there are two possible hidden dangers behind the research implemention by private organisations. The first one is that they might manipulate the results in order to maximise their profits. As follow, some medicines are not tested well before going into the market, and a few processes might be skipped to minimise the expenditure, causing unpredicted side effects. From an ethical perspective, it can lead to severve and long-term social effects. One example can be seen clearly is the Thalidomide disaster. It resulted in the births of thousands of malformed children, which the consequences still remain until now.
On the other hand, if the governments carry out and control those researches, the expenditure can be allocated reasonably and publicly. Moreover, universities are usually in charge of conducting them because they are in the area of expert. When people's benefits are prioritised, it is essential that they take those scientific researches into careful consideration. Therefore, the purpose is more of social driven and there is less bias towards profit earning. One example is the development of renewable resources to meet the growing demands.
To conclude, it is fairly risky to let private organisations be in charge of carrying out scientific researches. Therefore, governments should prioritise the expenditure on those and bear sole responsibility in implementing them.
tamtran
Dec 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / The life difficulties in a foreign country where you cannot speak your mother language [4]
Hello! @sue0504
I think you have good ideas for this topic but you need to be more organised while presenting your ideas.
In your introduction, I understand that you wanted to present two main points which are "social problems when having language barrier in a foreign country" and "solutions help mitigate the effects". However, if there is a way to make them sound more connected you really should take it into consideration. I would like to suggest you my amendment:
Nowadays, globalisation has made travelling from countries to countries a lot easier than it used to be for people. However, there are thoughts that the language barrier when you live in a foreign country can lead to serious social problems and difficulties in daily life. While I agree with the existence of these problems and their effects on people's life, I think there are ways that can help mitigate the effects and help people overcome the situation.
However, I would also suggest that you narrow your ideas so that you would have more time to focus on each point and give more insights into your writing. Additionally, it is advisable that every body paragraph contains one topic sentence, explanatory sentences and examples.Therefore, having many ideas means that you need to create more paragraphs to talk about them so you might be easy to get lost and you are more likely to run out of the given time (If there is). In that way, it would be beneficial if you divide the first body paragraph into two paragraphs. Each one focuses only on a point at a time, with the format above. The same can be applied for the second body paragraph.
The last part I want to mention is that you should carefully check your grammar mistakes after you finish your writing. It is the last but very important and immensely helpful step!
Those are some of my opinions on your essay. I hope that they are useful and I wish you best luck!
Hello! @sue0504
I think you have good ideas for this topic but you need to be more organised while presenting your ideas.
In your introduction, I understand that you wanted to present two main points which are "social problems when having language barrier in a foreign country" and "solutions help mitigate the effects". However, if there is a way to make them sound more connected you really should take it into consideration. I would like to suggest you my amendment:
Nowadays, globalisation has made travelling from countries to countries a lot easier than it used to be for people. However, there are thoughts that the language barrier when you live in a foreign country can lead to serious social problems and difficulties in daily life. While I agree with the existence of these problems and their effects on people's life, I think there are ways that can help mitigate the effects and help people overcome the situation.
However, I would also suggest that you narrow your ideas so that you would have more time to focus on each point and give more insights into your writing. Additionally, it is advisable that every body paragraph contains one topic sentence, explanatory sentences and examples.Therefore, having many ideas means that you need to create more paragraphs to talk about them so you might be easy to get lost and you are more likely to run out of the given time (If there is). In that way, it would be beneficial if you divide the first body paragraph into two paragraphs. Each one focuses only on a point at a time, with the format above. The same can be applied for the second body paragraph.
The last part I want to mention is that you should carefully check your grammar mistakes after you finish your writing. It is the last but very important and immensely helpful step!
Those are some of my opinions on your essay. I hope that they are useful and I wish you best luck!
tamtran
Dec 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / Describe charts showing students' opinions about services in their university library-Task1 Ielts [3]
Thank you a lot Sunrise011
Thank you a lot Sunrise011
tamtran
Dec 9, 2019
Writing Feedback / What factors influence decisions which news content print in newspapers and which broadcast on TV? [3]
@hungxd08
Hi! I would like to give you some opinions about the introduction of the essay.
... an important role in everybody's life because of our high demand to get updated. T
... to discusson the factors ... editors to choice choose what to ... in the newspaper as well as (...) on our life (I think this statement is irrelevant to the question. You should answer the two last questions which are "Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?".)
@hungxd08
Hi! I would like to give you some opinions about the introduction of the essay.
... an important role in everybody's life because of our high demand to get updated. T
... to discuss
tamtran
Dec 9, 2019
Writing Feedback / Describe charts showing students' opinions about services in their university library-Task1 Ielts [3]
The charts below show the results of a survey conducted by a university library to find out the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.
Essay
The four pie charts present the results of a survey carried out by a university library to collect feedbacks from full-time and part-time students about its IT support and opening hours.
Overall, full-time students are more satisfied with both IT support and opening hours than part-time students. Besides, nearly 100% of full-time students are pleased with the opening hours, whilst part-time students show a significant amount of "dissatisfied" towards the IT support, around 45%.
As for IT support, 85% of full-time students are happy with the service whilst nearly half of part-time students are displeased. Additionally, the number of very satisfied part-time students only accounts for 20%, which is less than half the number of very satisfied full-time students.
In terms of opening hours, 99% of full-time students are happy with the opening hours as compared to 95% of the part-time students. In details, more than half of them in the two relevant charts reported that they were very satisfied, 87% for full-time students and 72% for part-time students.
it support and opening hours
The charts below show the results of a survey conducted by a university library to find out the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.
Essay
The four pie charts present the results of a survey carried out by a university library to collect feedbacks from full-time and part-time students about its IT support and opening hours.
Overall, full-time students are more satisfied with both IT support and opening hours than part-time students. Besides, nearly 100% of full-time students are pleased with the opening hours, whilst part-time students show a significant amount of "dissatisfied" towards the IT support, around 45%.
As for IT support, 85% of full-time students are happy with the service whilst nearly half of part-time students are displeased. Additionally, the number of very satisfied part-time students only accounts for 20%, which is less than half the number of very satisfied full-time students.
In terms of opening hours, 99% of full-time students are happy with the opening hours as compared to 95% of the part-time students. In details, more than half of them in the two relevant charts reported that they were very satisfied, 87% for full-time students and 72% for part-time students.
