Undergraduate / Bridging two worlds: UC Personal Statement #1 [3]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I am a mixture of ambition and passion. Throughout my life, I have been blessed with the world I come from, welcoming and comfortable. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience." Having lived in a bubble for the majority of my life, I aspire to break free from my comfort zone to create a larger role for myself in the world.

In the summer of 2005, my parents took me to visit the village in Hainan that my grandfather had grown up in. There, amidst the soundtrack of village life which composed of scorching heat, abundant mosquitoes, salty sweat, and the chattering of locals, all my senses felt the poverty that lined the unpaved roads and the wrinkles on the villagers' faces. I felt as though I was transplanted to an entirely different world. As I studied the faces of my relatives, I switched on the "autofocus" function in my head. I was able to see them clearly for the first time-as mirror images of myself and my family.

To my chagrin, I felt disconnected from my family because I knew little to nothing about the way they lived or who they were. I witnessed children desperately pleading for means to their survival and people hard at work in conditions most Americans, including myself, would find unbearable. Despite this, my relatives ascribed to the saying, "less is more"; they were perfectly content with the lives they had, even if they did not have the conveniences of first world framework, such as plumbing or electricity. This trip to my "roots" reinforced in me the truth that I am both American and Chinese. Despite my unfamiliarity with this country, I knew this was also my world.

I was inspired by this trip to bridge the gap between these two worlds: the society I that progresses forward and the society that is considered backwards. I realize that although each distinct country has its own laws, cultures, and political views, these countries are all connected in the new world. I believe that I have been placed in the new generation, a generation that traces its lineage towards two directions, two cultures. I anticipate my role in extending that connection to define both the new generation and my identity.

As the years have gone by, my dreams have shifted from one to another. Ten years ago, I wanted to sell ice cream to all hungry children who were in need of a pick-me-up. Then, five years later, I wanted to sail across the sky in a giant hot air balloon and feed the needy, an idea inspired by a childhood cartoon. Now, I have new goals: to make a positive change in the two spheres I feel connected to, if not the entire planet. However, this is not a dream I can accomplish on my own. I will leave my mark on my world, but first, I must go to college.

Please give me any suggestions!
I'd like any ideas on how to improve my essay.

Undergraduate / "What art did to me" - UC Prompt 2 Personal Statement [4]

I haven't quite finished it yet since I don't know how I should exactly end it.
I'm hoping to get some feedback and suggestions on how to improve my essay.
Thank you!

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are today?

It is a Saturday morning, 10:30 AM in the year 2002. Today, I start my very first advanced art class, where I am abandoning the crayons. I can hardly hold my feelings of anxiousness and excitement as I look across the room and see skillfully crafted painting after painting. I take my seat at my very own easel and I watch attentively as my teacher points me to where the different sets of Strathmore paper, Winsor and Newton canvasses, Grumbacher oil paints, Liquitex acrylic paints, Marie watercolors, Prismacolor colored pencils, Faber Castel drawing pencils, and Red Sable brushes are. Finally, he unveils the first object I will draw: an egg.

One solid white egg: that was my first task in this art class that I had yearned to be in for years. As weeks passed, I cannot say the subjects did not get more exciting little by little; first the egg, then an apple, an orange, a banana, a pear, and some grapes. But where were the sculptures, landscapes, flowers, people, the very objects I wished to paint that I had seen in so many of the great arts? I was not thrilled to say the least, to come to my art class every week only to return to the same monotonous routine. We drew eggs and fruits for months in numerous shades, various angles, and in endless quantities. If there was one thing I had learned in my advanced art class, it was patience.

After sketching hundreds of those mundane objects, my teacher finally allowed me to shift my focus into anything I desired, using the tools I acquired through practicing the fundamentals of shade, proportion, and composition. I ended up painting a basket of fruits, realizing that I was not ready to create those majestic paintings I admired. Now, as I do any artwork, I subconsciously view everything as either a fruit or an egg. I look through my portfolio fraught with paintings of the things I find beautiful. I discover that learning how to paint or sketch is like learning how to do anything else, such as learning to talk and spell, none of which would be possible if I had never learned my alphabet. I understand the need for a solid foundation and build off those principles in all aspects of my life. Through art, I have learned to appreciate my ABC's, to pay attention to detail, to view everything as a whole, and to be patient.

I am ambitious. I want to apply myself to do something great for those I know, those I have not met, and those I may never meet. I look towards the future and hope that it will be another morning, 7:30 AM in the year 2010 when I will embark on my first college class, where I am utilizing all the basics. Whichever form the egg or fruit will take, I will be ready to soar above my limits.