Posts by minhthu121

minhthu121

Apr 22, 2020

Writing Feedback / Learning by a failure? Mistakes can teach you a lesson. [6]

I don't know much about this kind of essay so I can only point out your grammar and vocab mistakes. Hopefully, someone else will give you feedback about the writing style.

It should be "... grades can ~~after some time~~ sometimes become ..."

"... or twice, you'll score ...". Remember to put a comma when use conditional.

view of point => point of view

It should be "But for people ~~to learn~~ learning something ..."

So in contrary=> On the contrary/ By contrast

"In the end, life is an...". A comma is compulsory

minhthu121

Apr 22, 2020

Writing Feedback / Transport - the line graph show the quantities of goods [4]

This may be your first time writing a report because there are lots of mistakes.
" during 1974 to 2002". Totally wrong phrase. It could be "during a 28-year period from 1974 to 2002"
You should use more adverb to indicate inaccurate number like "approximately, around, nearly"
Like this sentence "around 70 million tonnes of ..."
The conclusion is not necessary and you should learn more how to write task 1 IELTS.

The biggest problem is that you don't split up sentences, leading to a mess in both paragraphs. You should fix in this way

"As can be seen from the line... Meanwhile, pipeline started with ..."

".In detail,the amount of goods ... Besides, rail still maintained ..."

You should check your spelling before submitting or no one will give you feedback. At some point, I think you are writing another language.

minhthu121

Apr 18, 2020

Writing Feedback / The two maps illustrate the change of a island, before & after tourists facilities were constructed [4]

Maps: Change in an island

IELTS 1

The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities

The two maps illustrate the change of a island, before and after some tourists facilities were constructed.

Overall, although several facilities emerged in order to attract tourists, the coconut trees remained unchanged throughout the period.

Initially, the island was an uncharted landscape which merely had some trees and a beach. After the construction, the island witnessed a significant change. In the center of the island lay an reception surrounded by vehicle track. The vehicle track also linked the restaurant with the pier where boats anchored. Besides, accommodation was built next to the reception. In detail, 9 huts were located to the east of the reception, while 6 huts were constructed to the west.

Furthermore, those huts were all connected by the footpath. The trees stayed in the same position, and the land in the west of the island remained untouched. Noticeably, despite not being expanded, the beach was turned to a location for swimming.

minhthu121

Apr 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / Employers should be concerned about how efficient the employees work, rather than by their clothing [5]

" While I think dress ...". You should have use "Although" not "While".
"how efficient the employees work". Use "efficiently" instead of "efficient"
"push dynamic and confidence. There is no such phrase. The right phrase is "boost energy and confidence". "dynamic" only means energetic when they are adj

You should also check your spelling mistakes before submitting both in here and in real exam. (A good employers)

minhthu121

Apr 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / THE RATIO OF BIRTH AND DEATH IN NEW ZEALAND [4]

"then growing exponentially". You need a comma at this point to break the sentence. It should have been "from 1901 to 1941, and then it grew..."
Or you can use "before" instead.
"in the end of". There is only "at the end of sth"
" ever since". I think it is a little bit risky because you are only discussing about the given period from 1901 to 2101.

minhthu121

Apr 12, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Agree- Disagree: Government should assist disadvantaged people. [4]

@ DieuThu
@ Holt
Thank you very much!!!

minhthu121

Apr 10, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Agree- Disagree: Government should assist disadvantaged people. [4]

assisting disadvantaged people

Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and the homeless. Do you agree or disagree ?

The income inequality among people has triggered several problems. The wealthy people can have high standards of living, while the poor is struggle to afford basic necessities. Some people suggest that government should provide assistance for underprivileged people such as the unemployed and the homeless. As far as concerned, I totally agree with this statement due to many benefits that these people can bring.

Firstly, these people play an integral part in the workforce. If the government takes care of disadvantaged people, they will become employees and make profits for both themselves and the national economy. Needless to say, these people are potential sources of blue-collar workers, so utilizing these sources is a remarkable way to improve the productivity of corporations. For instance, Amazon decided to rent 100,000 unemployed workers in the midst of the financial crisis, prompting mitigation of job losses. Apparently, disadvantaged people are vitally important to the economies.

Another advantage is that the stable lives of the poor are able to help the society remain robust. Several protests are held by the underprivileged people because their standards of living are adversely affected by the privileged people. Thus, providing the homeless and the unemployed with jobs to live by is the best way to maintain a ideal society. Relief bills, which usually signed amid crises , are a good example to demonstrate. They ease the tension of the disadvantaged people, helping the states to come through the crises. Thus, stabilizing every life is necessary for the development of the countries,

In conclusion, assisting disadvantaged people should be done by government due to the fact that not only does it boost the economy but it also stabilizes the society.