Writing Feedback / Diagrams depict how to make cement and the way cement is used in concrete production [3]

cement and concrete production

I'm preparing for the IELTS test, therefore I really need your help to promote my writing skill.
The diagrams given illustrate how to make cement and the way cement is used in concrete production for construction aim.
As can be seen from the two pictures, the process of cement producing starts with crushing and ends with packaging after three other main phases of the process, whereas there is only one step in the concrete making method.

The first diagram depicts how cement is made. In the first stage, raw materials including limestone and clay are crushed into powder. These crushed ingredients then are mixed well together before being delivered to the next equipment in the subsequent step. In this stage, a machine called rotating heater is operated to heat the compound of crushed limestone and clay to a specific temperature. The end product, which is one of the major materials of concrete, then comes out after being ground by a grinder and is packaged in identical bags in the final phase.

The other diagram shows concrete production. This building substance is made by mixing four elements namely cement, water, sand and gravel with the exact rate 15%, 10%, 25% and 50% respectively.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Pie chart (Energy use and gas emission of Australia household) [2]

how the energy is used for different purposes

The charts provided indicate the amount of energy is used in certain household purposes and the waste fume is emitted from each activity.
Overall, a high range of energy is spent on rising temperature, as a result, the CO2 came from this sector accounts for the highest percentage as well.

According to the first chart, the figure for heating ranks the first position with 42%, far exceeding the amount of energy consumed for cooling and lighting purposes, which are at the 2% and 6% mark respectively. When it comes to water heating, 30% of the total household energy is used for this activity, which is twice as much as the other appliances percentage. The remaining power, accounting for 7%, is consumed for frozen.

As for the other chart, water heating is clearly noticed as the household activity releasing the highest level of carbon dioxide, amounting to 32%. Coming behind is other appliances with the figure of 28%. Meanwhile, there is no significant difference between the percentage of CO2 emitted by heating and refrigeration, ranging from 14% to 15%. The amount of gas released from cooling and lighting take the last positions at the 3% and 8% level respectively.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: the impacts of punishment in moral education and the right way to punish children [4]

punishment as a lesson?

Moral principles have played an important role in human lives. Many people believe it is even more vital for the young to distinguish right and wrong and punishment should be applied for ethical lessons. I agree with this opinion to a certain extent, this education method is somewhat effective to the youngsters

Kids are always active and curious about things, that the reason why they can't stand staying at one place but moving around. This particular feature combining with their less knowledge may result in a range of mistakes. Hence, parents and educators have to find ways to retrain their behavior and apparently, punishment is the best choice. Those naughty children are too young and conservative to figure out some prohibition which is applied for their safe, in this case, punishment will show its efficience. To be more precise, being punished will leave strong negative emotion for the offspring, consequently, their memories of bad feeling will prevent them to make the same mistake.

Training children in right way is of profuse importance as well. In my opinion, violence should never be allowed. Physical punishment may force our offspring to do our demands but not leave any ethical moral to them and even make them more objective. From my perspective, giving the children reward when they do right then taking it back if they do not obey is the true method. Human, especially kids do have the stereotype of having more, not losing, for this reason, our children are supposed to manage to get reward and to avoid losing their properties, resulting in their obedience. Gradually, they may get habit of doing right thing and feel responsible to behave well.

In conclusion, youngsters need training ethical principles and adults need to know how to teach them. Beating is nowadays not encouraged because of its negative impacts on psychological growth. Instead, parents should spend time explaining or making reward for their kids's manner