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Posts by Ngocnguyen777
Name: Ngoc Thuy
Joined: Jul 26, 2020
Last Post: Aug 26, 2020
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: Viet Nam
School: lhp

Displayed posts: 5
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Ngocnguyen777   
Aug 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / Government should invest to the elderly' livings or they should save money for their future [6]

Financial support for older people



There is a growing concern revolving around money funding for people when they become older. Whereas some might assume that the government is responsible for the elderly in the society, those who oppose to the abovementioned opinion also have their own respective idea that residents should save more money for their future. Personally, I firmly believe that both authorities and aged people are involved in this duty.

On the one hand, there is no doubt that the elderly dwellers still make up a great number of proportion in the society, if the government prioritizes expenditure on them, It will come out with high quality living criteria for all the community. To be precise, not only do they invest to look after the older, they also persuade residents to work more productively and bring more profits for countries without worrying about their lives in the future. For example, in Japan, people do neither have to get married in the early age nor give birth as they will receive the state's support policy when getting old such as retirement salary, nursing house,... The Japanese government decision-making has a great influence on the development of national economy because the workforce contribute all their capacity to work in order to guarantee a sucessful career.

On the other hand, there will be also an undeniable benefit if they care about their living standards in advanced. Firstly, local authorites provide the elderly with finite funds, thus they will have difficulty in meeting all their demands. There are lots of needs for the elderly, health insurance, transportation fee, medical systems for example. It would mean that people can live more independently by accumulating fund for a long-lasting time. In addtion, old people perhaps need the enthusiastic caring from their children before receiving an assistance from the government.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that both authorities and seniors persons ought to join hand to notice the old people's living.
Ngocnguyen777   
Aug 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / Nowadays an increasing number of students prefer to extend their studies abroad. [3]

Well, I would like to give you some of my thought about your writing.
1st paragraph: instead of using "So,..", it is better to change into "Therefore,..." because "so" cannot be at the beginning of the sentence.
2nd paragraph:- you can change "plenty of" into "numerous, a fair number of, various, a variety of,..." instead.
- "in early life" is no sense -> "in the early age"
- the following idea "in early life...." may be can rewrite better: "... so they just want to run from... and try to find their own independence by studying abroad."

3rd paragraph: - "majority cases"
4th paragraph: you shouldn't use "you" in your essay, it is informal and amateurish
- "From my point of view, I am really pf the opinion that, Personally,..." Not use "I know..." as it is a speaking style.
Ngocnguyen777   
Jul 28, 2020
Writing Feedback / It has become an issue of whether it is more beneficial to travel in our own country or not [7]

I think your essay totally clear to keep trace with. However, just from my point of view, although it required to explain whether you agree or disagree, this type of "Agree or Disagree" should be illustrated by using General items related to the topic. It's fine to include your personal experience, but It would make yours lessen convincing and persuasive. One more thing, "As far as Im concerned," should be used only in oral language, try not to lay it in your essay. Thank you for reading my comment.
Ngocnguyen777   
Jul 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / The modern parents almost don't take their free-time to enjoy their children's companies [3]

Families Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case?



There is a growing concern revolving around the tendency which modern parents almost don't take their free-time to enjoy their children's companies whether they like or not. This can lead to significant influences on young children development due to numerous reasons that this essay will discuss below.

For a start, There is no doubt that adults currently have to deal with a load of work at their occupational office. Thus, being always on the go, keeping trace with promotion, They try to release tensions, hide from hustle and bustle life by enjoying their own free time. Added to this, Children, especially the ones in young ages, may be the primary cause of frustrating agency to their private space.
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