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Posts by k1k1k3 [Suspended]
Name: Anhv
Joined: Sep 15, 2020
Last Post: Oct 9, 2020
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
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From: Russian Federation

Displayed posts: 6
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k1k1k3   
Oct 9, 2020
Writing Feedback / Discussion about men and women parenting skills ( IELTS ) [3]

I think you should try to cut down the words as unnecessary(First and foremost=First,firstly)
It maybe undeniable = it is undeniable(be firm with your statement inorder to guide people into the thinking of yours)
Excessive(adj)
I think the word "considered","identically" is not using in the right context (believe and equally could be better)
In my opinion,the last sentence of the second paragraph should not be mentioned and should be replaced with a further explaination(giving example,...)
*Secondarily is wrong (Second)
After the phrase for example should be a comma
Enforced is not right in this context(responsible is)
*Can are is grammatically wrong
k1k1k3   
Sep 17, 2020
Writing Feedback / Topic: Communicating online (advantages outweigh disadvantages?) [3]

In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face.


Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In many companies,employees tend to exchange words online rather than communicating directly.This notion is believed to have negative impactions due to the fact that some crucial talks may be leaked out easily despite some benefits.

There are two main reasons explained why people prefer to use the online rather than meeting face to face method.One of those is the comfortable that the internet brings which allow people to transmitting their words to their opposite without formal setting.For instance,employers will have to dress formaly and a clean environment when having a direct contact with their boss,however,smart gadgets could delivering messages without concerning about the owners' current situation.As a result,a lot of time is saved and both could feel relaxing meanwhile interacting effectively with each other.

On the other hand,there are many long sitting still being held not only in business but all other industries.This reality reflects the online world as an unreliable method owing to it vulnerable when comes to hacking,scamming and leaking users' information.Google,for instance,had been accused by many that this company tracking people and gathering their data to provide for those who need.Furthermore,by not talking face to face directly,the social bonding skill between humans will be fragile which people would find it difficult to express themselves without the support from the third party.

In conclusion,although there are many benefits of having words through smart gadgets,there are still many potential consequences that are unforseenable.Thus,in order to protect the core information,people should consider other types of communicating rather than the internet.

Thankyou for reading.Feel free to comments and suggest band core if possible!!!!Many thanks
k1k1k3   
Sep 17, 2020
Writing Feedback / Some people deem that children should be brought up in a rural area than the city [3]

Hi,im currently a learner so pls ignore if i make mistakes
Try to keep everything short and simple(From my point of view->From my perspective,In my opinion.First of all->Firstly)
Try to avoid such words like can,will,must because you cant make sure things will happen as you said(there are exceptions of course :))

Try to paraphrase the word kids(which is informal) as young people,next generation,offsprings(where related to parents)
You gave too much examples,it is better to develop an essay with one example in each paragraph to leave some room for explanations.
You did not use a wide range of vocabs
Thankyou for reading!!!!
k1k1k3   
Sep 17, 2020
Writing Feedback / Health problems of developed world (put the cause and solution) [3]

Im currently a learner as weel,hope my comments will help
+due to the competing environment at work,people often buying fast food in order to save them more time to rest.In other word,by absorbing these unhealthy nutritious daily,their body conditions will be deteriorated,thus,leading them to many severe consequences that cost them a life.(sentence 2)

+Another significant reason that contributed to this notion is that the office workers are usually not exercising enough meanwhile spending hours in front of the screen for entertaining and forming a sedentary living lifestyle.It is not exacerbated when saying that this living standard is the culprit of many diseases including excessive fat related problems.(sentence 3)

*According to my experience, two reasons is enough if you could develop throughout.
k1k1k3   
Sep 15, 2020
Writing Feedback / People tend to waste food in shops and restaurants. Why? What can be done to reduce this problem? [2]

Nowadays people waste a lot of food that was bought from shops and restaurants.


Why do you think people waste food? What can be done to reduce the amount of food they throw away?

In recent years,the throw away culture of foods in shops and restaurants has become a hotly debated topic around the world.This essay will discuss the two main reasons that encouraged this wasteful notion and will then propose some remedies.

Passing through a long period of time,the habit of leaving some foods behind has become more prevalent than ever before where the primary purpose is to flaunt out their financial situations. Such actions could be ascribed to the past culture where there are plenty of fresh ingredients and so forming this unthoughtful habit that still remains until present time.

Furthermore,as I mentioned above,the quality of the products nowadays has changed a lot since the modern era began,which leading people to many discoveries that boost the effective of the methods of raising crops.Unfortunately,there are drawbacks such as vegetables and livestocks could not maintaining the original aroma.In other words,scientists nowadays intervene deeply into the development of raw ingredients which often seen in the case of genetically modified corns and meat.As a result,foods lost their value and not being well treated as before.

In order to tackle the problems of food wasting,the government should promulgate a law that charging excessive foods.By doing that,many remnants will be save and society could so far avoided this problem.Moreover,raising people's awareness of potential diseases on their left-overs is extremely necessary and could be held by means of telecommunications.

In conclusion,although it is true that foods are being grown faster and easier than ever before,still,food ordering should be strictly controlled by the authority.Going along with it is the telecom which holds an important responsibility in warning people about the capability of threads from the residues.Therefore,people could understand and mitigate the waste.
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