k1k1k3
Oct 9, 2020
Writing Feedback / Discussion about men and women parenting skills ( IELTS ) [3]
I think you should try to cut down the words as unnecessary(First and foremost=First,firstly)
It maybe undeniable = it is undeniable(be firm with your statement inorder to guide people into the thinking of yours)
Excessive(adj)
I think the word "considered","identically" is not using in the right context (believe and equally could be better)
In my opinion,the last sentence of the second paragraph should not be mentioned and should be replaced with a further explaination(giving example,...)
*Secondarily is wrong (Second)
After the phrase for example should be a comma
Enforced is not right in this context(responsible is)
*Can are is grammatically wrong
I think you should try to cut down the words as unnecessary(First and foremost=First,firstly)
It maybe undeniable = it is undeniable(be firm with your statement inorder to guide people into the thinking of yours)
Excessive(adj)
I think the word "considered","identically" is not using in the right context (believe and equally could be better)
In my opinion,the last sentence of the second paragraph should not be mentioned and should be replaced with a further explaination(giving example,...)
*Secondarily is wrong (Second)
After the phrase for example should be a comma
Enforced is not right in this context(responsible is)
*Can are is grammatically wrong