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Posts by ella_lyly
Name: Nguyen Thi Hoang Oanh
Joined: Nov 21, 2020
Last Post: Feb 21, 2021
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 7
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ella_lyly   
Feb 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / Is it true that the vegetarian diet is more beneficial for health than eating meat? [2]

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Agree or disagree

There is currently a contentious argument over whether the vegetarian diet is more beneficial for health than eating meat. I somewhat agree with this idea because the following reasons.

The main reason why I agree that raising many poultry and cattle to supply food for humans is unnecessary is because vegetable and cereal contain vitamins, minerals, proteins, and vital others which are sufficient to maintain life functions for humans. To illustrate, people could replace cow's milk with soy milk to implement Calcium and still ensure that the quality and the content of Calcium derived from the bean is equivalent to the ones in animals.

The second reason why I support the notion that eating some kinds of meat could be harmful to health is due to the consumption of meat is associated with an increased risk of cancer as well as heart disease. For example, saturated fat which is found in beef and pork causes the cancers of breast and colon. Moreover, methods of cooking meat at high temperature would create toxic compounds, this leads to not only nutrient loss but also unwanted health consequences such as cardiovascular diseases.

However, pregnant women and children are not suitable for a vegetarian diet because the vegetable products could not meet their increased demand at that time. The lack of meat-derived nourishment in a daily meal would lead to malnutrition.

In conclusion, I partly agree that eating meat is unnecessary because vegetable consumption could supply nutritive substances inadequately for daily actions, and eating some kind of meat has a bad effect on health. However, pregnant woman and children need to eat meat to ensure that their body is not malnutrition.
ella_lyly   
Feb 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / MULTIPLE ASPECTS OF SPACE EXPLORATION AND THE PREDICTION OF ITS CHANGE IN THE FUTURE [3]

There are some position and spelling mistakes in your essay. Using 'occurred' instead of 'occured'. The 'obviously' stands in the middle of the first sentence so you should add one more comma behind that adverb. Using 'America' instead of 'the America' in the last sentence of the second paragraph. Using 'lead... to reach' instead of 'lead...reached'. There are many free websites that assist you to check spelling mistakes.

Moreover, your thesis is not clear as @Holt mentioned above, you should give the thesis statement at the beginning of the paragraph and use ideas to support it.
ella_lyly   
Nov 21, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2-Many museums and historical sites are more attractive to foreigners than people living there [11]

@thanhtrung97
Wow, that's exactly what I am considering after reviewing the essay
Maybe I will merge reasons for tourists and the locals. I also change the reason 'low qualification' to a more reasonable one
Thank for the feedback on word issues. By the way, I think that after 'IN" is either V-ing or Noun, so why should I use improving instead of improvement
ella_lyly   
Nov 21, 2020
Writing Feedback / Society's appreciation and attention to teachers [5]

'In contemporary society, we can find a teacher to teach us about everything': The meaning of this sentence is not clear. I know that you explained more in the next sentence, but I think it would be better if you can combine ones in just one sentence.

For example, The teachers these days could convey not only academic knowledge but invaluable life lessons.
ella_lyly   
Nov 21, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2-Many museums and historical sites are more attractive to foreigners than people living there [11]

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people.


Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?


-------My work-----

It is true that many museums and historical sites are more attractive to foreigners than people living at there. This essay looks at some justifications and suggests some solutions to the problem.

One of the main reasons why people are keen on travelling to strange places is to expand the knowledge of history of local areas. The historic values are crystallized in tangible objects which are displayed in museums and historical places. Therefore, visiting museums is a necessary action tourists have to take if they care about history. By contrast, local citizens assumed that they were familiar with things showed at historical places through either the historic lessons in schools or somewhere in daily conversations. Moreover, the low qualification of some historical sites in some countries is also a cause assisting in decrease in the number of domestic visitors. As a result, local citizens are not interested in spending time on journeys to museums in their areas.

However, there are solutions for this problem. Firstly, marketing is an effective way to attract many domestic tourists. In fact that the knowledge of what happened to their forefathers is unlimited and there are still many historic events that next generations having not yet known. Advertising helps them to grasp those lacks. Secondly, governments should invest much more budget in improvement quality of historic places such as training for museum staffs about knowledge of history and how to convey or present it to visitors. As a result, there would be more and more local people reckon that the local museums and historical sites are also as interesting as those of foreign.

In conclusion, the lack of interest of domestic people in historic sites should be concerned considerably. The best approaches to deal with are the advertisement and the financial aid for the local sites.
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