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Posts by Hanna186 [Suspended]
Name: Dao Thi Thu Uyen
Joined: Nov 30, 2020
Last Post: Dec 13, 2020
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
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From: Viet Nam
School: banking academy

Displayed posts: 9
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Hanna186   
Dec 13, 2020
Writing Feedback / Opinion Essay: Volunteer Work Graduating Requirements [3]

Here are some of my opinion about your essay:
- In Introduction part: I think you should refer the idea by paraphrase the question rather than "Being a student with a requirement like that"
- In your Body paragraphs I can not identify your topic sentences, I think you should plan before start writing your essay
Hanna186   
Dec 7, 2020
Writing Feedback / Some people think that artist should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. [2]

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artist should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It is often argued that in order to develop creativity of artists, an unlimited amount of freedom is a need. Some people believe that artists should be allowed to convey any concepts completely freely. From my perspective I totally disagree with this point of view and tend to support the idea that content in art should be controlled by government for the following reasons.

Firstly, artists' expression of art should be limited to protect young people from harmful content. For instance, without necessary regulation, pornography can be accessed easily by minors. It would stimulate them engage in sexual activities when they are underage. In addition, violent content should be under control in art as well otherwise children might see it even when they do not have intention and this impacts negatively to their mental health. Moreover, the young might learn and mimic violence from art. This leads to a number of violent actions in school which is regarded as a serious problem.

Another point government should limit the ideas of art is to prevent political conflicts in society. Perhaps the best example is that content relating to religion or race topics usually create arguments. In some cases, it might end up by murder and violence or an increase in racist behaviors. In addition, some bad group of people might take advantage from art to against government with bad purposes such as terrorism, reactionary attitude, etc.

In conclusion, although government should encourage artists to develop their creativity, limiting the thoughts and ideas should be necessarily applied to not only protect the young but also keep the society stable.
Hanna186   
Dec 7, 2020
Writing Feedback / Ielts Academic Task 2 - Essay about self-employed [5]

I think your essay's body is clear easy to follow, however I think you can replace: first= the first= firstly= first of all
secondly= another point... to reduce a mount of repeated words
Hanna186   
Dec 4, 2020
Writing Feedback / Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government [2]

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work

To what extent do you agree?



It often said that the income of almost artists is relatively low. Thus, they should be given funding from government to maintain their work. From my perspective I completely agree with this point of view for the following reasons.

Nowadays many gifted artists are facing financial strain and wondering whether they should follow their enthusiasm in art or doing something else to make out money. Funding for artists is a best solution for them to clear their way and work on art continuously. Doing this means artists no longer have to work on two more extra jobs to cover their personal expense. Working regardless of money must give them a fresh mind that could produce fascinating and creative concepts that could be priceless.

Another good point to support artists is that it will benefit society in long run. Talented artists would create a work of historical or cultural art which are used as an educational resource that help people to approach them effectively. Moreover, utilizing art is the most effective way to maintain history and culture of a country which every country is trying to reserve. In addition, art galleries are the epitome of artists' production that attract enormous tourists around the world every year generating a considerable revenue in return. Obviously, it boosts national tourism industry.

In conclusion, even though funding for artist takes a part government's budget away but it definitely is worthy. It not only gives artists a huge support to build their career but benefit the country itself.
Hanna186   
Nov 30, 2020
Writing Feedback / Government funding for the art is a waste and that money could be better funded in other fields [3]

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere

To what extent do you agree with this view?



It often said that government funding for the art is a waste and that money could be better funded in other fields, I completely disagree with this view and will give my reasons bellow

It is undeniable that arts play a vital role in education as people usually does not have enthusiasm in learning history or global issues which are abstract if they are spoken or written. For example, conveying a concept of a historical event through a work of art will be more impressive and memorable than a typical writing or speech. In addition, obviously, arts encourage young people learning history. For instance, watching a documentary about the influences of climate changes on the Earth would be more exciting approach than a lecture in class. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is worth for government invest in arts

Another good point to invest in art is that it can boost the tourism of the country. For example, arts galleries, exhibition, temple, etc can attract a numerous of tourists all over the world every year generating a considerable revenue in return. Moreover, it creates a number of jobs for local people to reduce unemployment rate. In long road arts not only help to develop national economy but also maintain culture. Thus, arts should be supported equally.

In conclusion, I do believe arts is important aspect in education, culture and economy and support the idea it is worth to fund for art and it should be supported equally
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