Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - why are teenagers committing more crimes? [3]

I appreciate every advice

In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes.

Why is this happening and how should they be punished?

Juvenile delinquency is an urgent issue recently because the number of children getting involved in crime is on the rise. Various causes lead to this but I suggest that school environments take a major role in this issue. Additionally, in this essay, I personally will offer some proper punishments for teenager lawbreakers, which I hopefully might help improve the situation.

Lack of related crime knowledge and pressures from peer friends lead to easily violating the law. Generally, many schools do not provide their students with comprehensive information about criminal topics, such as the prevalent reasons to impulse children getting involved in crime as well as the ways to avoid it and also the harsh punishments for those who offend. Not having proper awareness, young people join in criminal activities without knowing that they will have to face many severe troubles down the roads. Besides that, the desire to be accepted in a group and receive protection from their group compels children to join gangs at an early age. This is because they fear being victims of school bullying. As a member of a gang, youngsters are more likely to violate the law, such as drug trafficking or alcohol and drug use.

Teaching young offenders with an iniquitous cognizance about making judicious decisions is the most proper punishment in my opinion. This is because if we castigate juvenile delinquents with harsh punishments, such as life imprisonment or death penalty, it might cause an injustice to this young criminals as well arouse offenders' families' indignation. Similarly, being sent to jail and receiving hard living conditions could make prisoners breed resentment and reoffend after being released. Consequently, rehabilitation programs should be carried out thoroughly to prepare young criminals for life after prison. All over the world, some countries allow remission as long as prisoners complete reading and grasping knowledge in a fixed number of books. This has shown a satisfactory result that many prisons re-integrate into society and turn their lives around.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that school and friends considerably influence youngsters' attitude towards crime. By educating and implementing rehabilitation programs, we could mitigate the juvenile crime rate.

Writing Feedback / Should private healthcare be banned? Medical services should not be run by profit-making companies [3]

Hi guys, I'm a new member there and I'm so excited to be fixed and hope to give useful comments on others' threads.

Here's my essay

IELTS WRITING TASK 2
Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies.

Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Healthcare is one of the most important things in human society, many people still have to cope with poor medical services due to indigent conditions regardless of improved healthcare. This leads to a proposal that clinical services should not be directed by profitable organizations. However, in my opinion, the opposite might be more reasonable for a sustainable development of the community.

Though the past few decades have witnessed a great effort of governments and global leading experts into ameliorating public health conditions as well as medical services, people living in poverty still have a restricted access to proper healthcare. This is because the medical costs have risen significantly due to reconstruction for modern infrastructures. Yet this adversely has placed a great burden on the entrance to appropriate medical services of deprived households. For example, in developed countries, reports indicate that healthcare fees increased as twice as worker wages. It is even more serious in developing countries cause a general physical examination could cost an average monthly salary of a lower-middle family, which hit badly their meager income.

Though there are some financial drawbacks that hinder some from the appropriate clinical services, eliminating commercial organizations from types of hospital might not be considered a beneficial decision in the long run. First, private medical centres generally offer outstanding medical staff and cutting-edge equipment for top-notch patient care because of larger investments. Lucrative clinical corporations normally pay decent salaries to attract skilled human resources from public health establishments. Second, history of human development has shown that competition is essential because it leads to a healthier economy. It means that enhanced or multifunctional products will cost less to meet clients' needs among a free market. Similarly, if states monopolize the supply of remedial treatments, they could set the price at will, creating potential inflation which adversely affects those in the lower class.

In conclusion, I believe that community care should be contributed by various clinical systems for citizens benefiting the most.

Thanks for reading and please give me your thoughts 🤗