Writing Feedback / Descriptive: The Story of A Person That Changed You A Lot [2]

QUESTION:

PLEASE DESCRIBE A PERSON THAT HAS AN EFFECT ON YOU OR CHANGED YOUR BEHAVIOR, AND HOW YOU MET HIM/HER.

Back in my senior high school time, I had difficulty solving physics problems. Formulas and graphs always confuse me, causing my failure of every quiz and exam. I made every effort to attempt to improve my scores, including purchasing online courses and attending to cram schools, but none of these seemed to work. At a night after attending a cram school, I was deliberating whether I have to abandon my dream of being an advanced engineer since none of the attempts I had done worked. Being depressed, I couldn't help but shed tears in public, though it was shameful.

A man walked to the bench I was sitting on and talked to me. He told me that he was a physics teacher with over 30 years of teaching experience, and he had opened a cram school with a few students, most of which had encountered the same problem as mine. He invited me to audit his class, and soon he started to teach physics concepts in a brand-new way that everyone could easily learn.

He once said, "All techniques and knowledge are written to our mind after being comprehended." This advanced and unique thought has profoundly implemented in my head, and affect how I study a new thing. Now I never study without making my conclusions, and I always review my notes, and the grades are skyrocketing after his teaching. These great changes should attribute to his words. Without him, I would have had a struggle with my studies.

-- This question is NOT related to any of the English exams. Please correct me if the text have grammar or stucture issues. Thanks!

Writing Feedback / Opinion Essay: Volunteer Work Graduating Requirements [3]

Question:

Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS TYPE OF REQUIREMENT?

Give details to support your opinion.

My Essay:

Being a student with a requirement like that, I strongly disagree with the idea of putting it into one of the graduation limitations. The original meaning of this was to help the student develop better and cultivate the sense of volunteering. Nevertheless, the meaning of volunteer work has completely altered after implementing the graduating requirement.

From my perspective, the definition of volunteer work is an act of dedication to the community or society wholeheartedly without asking for any reward, thus it cannot be quantified. Once doing so, some students will complete the minimum amount of volunteer work with a hasty and rash attitude, and they just regard it as a chore. To them, volunteer work is more like a task than an act inspired by the inner heart, and it defies the original meaning of volunteer work. Moreover, the quality of work done by volunteer workers is also declined because of the above-mentioned attitude among students.

On the other hand, volunteer work seems to be unrelated to a person's academic achievements, which made the restrictions unreasonable. Students may lose their diplomas just because of their insufficient volunteer work "scores", which hinders them from applying to universities.

In conclusion, the implementation has defied the meaning of volunteer work radically, and it completely undermines the quality of volunteer work. Without the limitation, students can devote themselves to what they love more, while those who have fond of helping others can do volunteer work more wholeheartedly. For these reasons, I think the minimum requirement for volunteer work should be lifted.

--Hope to hear from some review about structures and sentence improvements. Thanks in advance!

Writing Feedback / Short Essay: About Video Games Played by Children [3]

question:
Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT CHILDREN PLAYING VIDEO GAMES?
Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

My essay:
Video games have long been controversial among people on whether they are beneficial to children, and some parents are against it. However, in my perspective, some video games are beneficial to children and can broaden children's horizons by playing different games. By playing different types of games, children can enhance their ability to solve the problem by doing tasks or quests in the games.

Sandbox games such as Minecraft, for example, can inspire children's creativity by creating a myriad of things using simple blocks. The open and borderless environment enables children to exert their potential to create anything, including houses, automatic machines, and so on.

On top of that, the founder further announced an educational collaboration with America's primary schools. The project aims to lower the learning difficulty and entice students to learn by implementing Minecraft in teaching.

Playing games is not always equivalent to addiction or violent behaviour. However, the game itself creates a virtual realm for children to expand their imagination and creativity.

Hope to hear some advice about the grammar, redundant word reducing and structure. Thanks in advance!