Short Essay: About Video Games Played by Children

question:
Video games are very popular with children. However, some parents feel that video games can have a negative impact on their children, but others believe that they may have some positive effects.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT CHILDREN PLAYING VIDEO GAMES?
Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

My essay:
Video games have long been controversial among people on whether they are beneficial to children, and some parents are against it. However, in my perspective, some video games are beneficial to children and can broaden children's horizons by playing different games. By playing different types of games, children can enhance their ability to solve the problem by doing tasks or quests in the games.

Sandbox games such as Minecraft, for example, can inspire children's creativity by creating a myriad of things using simple blocks. The open and borderless environment enables children to exert their potential to create anything, including houses, automatic machines, and so on.

On top of that, the founder further announced an educational collaboration with America's primary schools. The project aims to lower the learning difficulty and entice students to learn by implementing Minecraft in teaching.

Playing games is not always equivalent to addiction or violent behaviour. However, the game itself creates a virtual realm for children to expand their imagination and creativity.

Hope to hear some advice about the grammar, redundant word reducing and structure. Thanks in advance!

Is this for a task 2 essay? If it is, then you have not written enough words to get a passing score at the end. You have to write at least 250 words. Since you did not properly provide the word count required, your discussions are all underdeveloped and lacking in reasoning, which is where your C8C score will be based. Your paragraphs are lacking in sentence presentations. You consistently write only 2 sentences per paragraph where the minimum requirement is 3, with a maximum of 5 sentences. While you did present good reasons and discussion foundations, it is the lack of full on thought development that hindered the clarity and quality of your discussion presentation.

Thanks a lot. I'll keep writing more and post it later on a new thread. Thanks!