Writing Feedback / Chosing a career path... {discuss/opinion} [4]

This essay is wonderfully executed and has amazing potential! Your grammar and sentence structure are usually on point or complex (complex makes a sentence an interesting read btw!). The direct nature of your essay is something that is needed for the audience to be engaged. However, that direct voice is inconsistent throughout your essay and does present a few problems.

-This essay will clarify these two aspects and my viewpoint.

This is the ending of your introduction. It's abrupt and removes the audience from the moment. It's always best to present your points in a succinct manner in your introduction, as it lays the groundwork for the audience and you as a writer to follow. Honestly, I feel because you haven't stated the points in your introduction, your essay is underdeveloped and leaves the reader confused as to what your two points were.

Hope this helps!

Sincerely,
Me

Writing Feedback / Both sexs are working full time. Logical for women and men to share household works.(agree/disagree) [4]

Your essay's strongest points lie in your opinion. Your views are well represented and are usually readable to the audience. It's direct and doesn't waffle. However, with those strengths also lie your weaknesses. Consider the following sentence:

- Firstly, sharing household works decline the stress ...

This sentence is one of the best examples of the problem your essay faces. Your sentences often feel either crowded, poorly arranged, and/ awkwardly worded. For this sentence, you don't need to say "Firstly"; you opened your paragraph with "To begin with". "Works," although is correct, is not the best word choice, especially as you a referring to household maintenance. I would also make the paragraph gender-neutral to reduce unintentional gender bias to come through as the question asks you to look through both men's and women's perspectives. My change for this would be:

= Sharing household chores reduces the stress ...

You could afford a longer introduction and conclusion. I would suggest laying out the reasons why you agree with the opinion as it lays a format that allows the audience to follow in your essay. I would also suggest you give more justifications for your opinions. This way, you can make your conclusion longer as you recap what you have covered previously.

Hopefully, this helps!

Sincerely,
Me

Undergraduate / Both my parents - UBC Draft - What is important to you? [6]

The egg-spoon race. 2008. The sunrays blinded me and brought the heat to my body. The sweat glided down my face, my heart was thumping out of my chest and as the whistle screeched, the egg was in a gentle balance with my body. The thrill was something worth remembering. Not necessarily of a win, but the happiness that the experience brought me. Success has always been a big part of my identity. To me, success means to build yourself from the ground up, use every opportunity you have received, and make yourself independent. Only then with that independence can one truly be happy and therefore successful. Theatre is one of the only things that has made me work to the bone and given me a mixed feeling of purpose and longing. It has made me race after it among my fellow peers, and knowing my self-critical and perfectionistic nature, I know I can only run faster. I know it's silly, but I hope to make a change in the way we view drama, the same way Stanislavski, Artaud, Berkoff did, not only in terms of acting but also in writing. Currently, I've been studying the idea of Cathartic Cruelty Theatre has given a fire that I cannot quench . Strangely that fire brings warmth into my life in the very same way the sun did to me during that egg-spoon race.

I literally have no idea what I'm saying, but I feel this is alright. Any suggestions to improve it? Also, will my posted responses here cause the university to disqualify me for some reason?