Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates the amount of people who bought music over seven years time frame [4]

@Holt actually examined your writing enough so I will only provide some considerable advices.

At the second paragraph, you wrote CDs purchased decreased negligibly. It doesn't make sense since it dropped by merely a half from the peak. The more proper word should be dramatically.

Also, it seems hard not only to you, but also to me when you divided 2 bodies regarding 3 products. I mean, doesn't it became easier when u distribute it in terms of two periods of time? You can make comparisons, which does not appear in your writing, such as when the downloads equal CDs purchased in 2013 and the streams dominate CDs in 2016.

These are two advices that I could suggest you. Hope u this read carefully.

Cheers,

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 2] DISCUSS THE VIEWS OF ADVERTISING AND GIVE YOUR OPINION. [3]

First and foremost,, you write in a wrong format. WriTask2 requires 4 paragraphs, containing an opening, 2 bodies and a conclusion. This would be an enormous minus point to u.

Secondly, you make an over-average amount of grammar mistakes in your writing. Thus, I suggest you use GoogleDoc to correct them.

Last but most important, let's take a look at your essay:
1) First paragraph: You only referred that "advertising is one of the best successes as it appears everywhere in our lives". Does successequal frequency? No matter the answer, you have to outline some evidence to prove it, which is not outlined. The only things you described are slogans, which do not actually correspond with the idea. => Minus regarding the Coherence and cohesion (CC).

2) Second paragraph: "disappointed to consumers when they actually buy but it is not qualified as was advertised.". I think the relationship between two ideas here is definitely not CONTRARY, but it is CAUSE-RESULT. Therefore, the more appropriate word should be due to. In addition, the idea is "no longer pay attention" but you wrote " care more about the product information". Isn't it confusing? => Again, minus regarding CC.

3) Third para:"the high prediction, that people could no longer care about it." => The prompt is that the notion of paying less attention on those products is recent, not future. => A confusing term.

4) Grammar complexity: the main issue is not paraphased so it proves that you don't have the required ability.

Cheers.

Writing Feedback / The estimated jeans sales of the two Turkish companies and their projected market share [3]

First of all, there are other patent information that u can outlined, including a small decrease at first in the bar chart. Also, they are not gonna be "the leader" if the sum of them are just 50%. You can say a "considerable"instead. So, the problem here is too few informations and lack of vocab.

Secondly, it is certain that you write too short for the first body. How about making comparisons, it would increase your writing's details.

For instance, I will rewrite it: COMPARING TWO INDUSTRIES, THE JACK AND JONES COMPANY IS ESTIMATED (A WORD U SHOULD USE) TO ACCOUNT FOR 30% OF THE PROJECTED MARKET POOL. LOWER THAN THAT, THE MANGO COMPANY WILL STAND AT ONE FIFTH OF THE SAME ASPECT. OTHER INDUSTRIES WILL CLAIM THE REST OF THE PROJECTED MARKET SHARE, WHICH IS A HALF OF THE PIE CHART. (I'm sorry to caps it but I typo and I just can't undo it, apologize!)

And despite the others claim a higher percentage, it is not the kind of information that u can start. I mean, the question is mainly about 2 companies, so the examiner looks for your description of them, instead of the dramatical but unimportant figure.

Thirdly, in the following year. (located at the initial sentence of body 2) seems confusing since the drop only takes part in the second month so it should be "in the following month"

Last and the most important, throughout two bodies, u didn't given any single comparison between two companies. This will leave a significant minus point in Task Response. I hope u can fix this next time.

Scholarship / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Causes and Solutions topic Environment [5]

My comments on the essay:
- First of all, your essay is over-lengthed so it would be a minus point to the Task Response. Try to reduce to 380 or lower than 350 words.

- Secondly, there are grammar errors in this essay. I suggest u use google docs to correct them.
- Last but most important, I will look into in ur writing to understand how u describe your ideas:
+ Opening: just like the expert mentioned. A way to write a thesis statement is: "This essay will elaborate + (paraphase the question) + provide sth (Ex: the main reasons of this problem and provide personal measurements.)

+ Body 1:
1) Topic sentence is not good at all. It should be referred a few information to the major idea of the essay. I mean u could partly summarize your body.

Idea 1: 2) "certain" gases: you didn't even say what are them -> so u should plus "such as carbon dioxide" or change the adj to sth like "exhausting emissions" (a much more academic word)."trap heat, those gases let in light" -> trap + noun so u can't write "those gases let in". And a plus point is that u can't even link them, so why not combine them by "which means an effect ..."

3) "If the burning of fossil fuels happened, it was because vehicles" -> wrong tense -> it should be present since it is a recent problem. Also, cars are just a minor part of the whole reason u outlined, so u should use "including"

Idea 2: You didn't even explain further about it . I mean: why it is a dispensable? why it consume fossil fuel?. If I was you, I would write the second reason could be the consumption of those fossil fuel -> factories could be a considerable example.

Idea 3: like the expert said: it is unnecessary. And there is no noun named "oxi" -> it's "oxygen"
=> Vocab inaccuracy
=> From my own perspective, I think your ideas are absolutely not cohesive and coherent, you explain insufficiently, recklessly and confusingly about them.
+ Body 2:
1) " which is Considered by" -> "should be considered". The problem hasn't been solved so solutions aren't clearly provided by them.
2) there is a general word to describe your first solution, it is "green politics"
3) Your ideas are arranged illogically so again, a minus point for coherence and cohesion
4) Like what mentioned by the online examiner: you outlined too much ideas without any careful supporting statements.
+ Conclusion: you don't paraphase your ideas, and it is so obvious to state there are various reasons and methods that it is worthless to write only that down.

In short:

This essay should be below 6.0, and my personal opinion is to rate you at band 5.0
P/s: @Holt can you take a look at my essay. I, maybe just like the writer, am a Vietnamese candidate going to attend the real Ielts exam so I am begging you to evaluate my writing. Here it is, in the same website: https://essayforum.com/writing/traffic-problem-major-cities-causes-solutions-91168/. Thank u so much