Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ruzhang143
Joined: Nov 7, 2009
Last Post: Dec 14, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 16  

From: China

Displayed posts: 19
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ruzhang143   
Nov 7, 2009
Undergraduate / (Geography teacher, Physics, United Nations, Learning, Books) Carleton College [3]

I am applying for Carleton under the early decision program so it's kind of urgent. Anybody please give some comments on these. The worlds are limited. Thank you for consideration.

Carleton Short answers

Q1. Which secondary school teacher has most influenced you and briefly explain why.ïźˆ<200 charactersïź‰

(Geography teacher)

A: He set high standards for me, making me a dedicated class leader. He pictured the world for us, and became our friend in life. I shared my feelings deep inside with him and received great inspiration.

Q2. What subjects most interest you and why? (Note: This is not a commitment to major in this area.)(<400 characters)

A: Physics excites me because it uncovers the mysteries closely related to life. I also enjoy chemistry because it helps me understand fascinating changes. I particularly favor history for it grants me the opportunity to understand the world and learn from yesterday. China has a history of 5000 years. The intriguing stories of my homeland fostered my intense love for the mysterious past of mankind.

Q3. Do you have a tentative (or firm) career plan (or dream)? Please describe it. (<400 characters)

A: I dream to be a United Nations messenger of peace. I always believe that if we can seek the cultural bond among us and use diversity to generate more power instead of cause conflict, the world would be a better place. I want to join Carleton to learn to take responsibility and enrich my knowledge and skill, and seek common ground for humanity in the near future.

Q4. Why are you interested in Carleton College and how did this interest develop?(<300 characters)

A: I am passionate about my learning and equally intent on sharing interests with the slightly unusual and diverse companions. Carleton is the place for me to meet inspiring challenges and intellectual friends, learn to be a responsible and dedicated leader, and take a step closer towards my dream.

Q5. From your reading, whether children's books or classics, what books or authors have particularly impressed you and why?(<500 characters)

A: David Copperfield taught me more than just friendship and love. It made me understand that we must choose lives for ourselves. Some people seek pleasure while others always strive for the best. David Copperfield is one of the latter. He had been tortured, deceived and frustrated, but he never gave up and succeeded in the end. He made me believe that real love and truth are stronger than any evil or misfortune in the world. Every cloud has its silver lining, and so does "the cloud of life".
ruzhang143   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / UC personal statement- community and family [7]

Well your essay has a neat style, but like Jennifer said, I don't think it's going to catch the AO's eyes. These stories are a little common and you should include something creative or interesting. Keep up the work.
ruzhang143   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Crack! I was down! ; COMMON APP/ Significant Experience [4]

I am just giving some suggestions on your activity. I think you focused too much on the setting of your scene instead of real work, which should be the main part. Try shifting your focus and it will be much better. Take whatever you need
ruzhang143   
Nov 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Dickinson college supplement-globally engaged citizen leaders [8]

Prompt: Dickinson College founder, statesman and physician Benjamin Rush wrote several essays on education for this new nation. Listed below are three of Rush's philosophies. Choose ONE and explain how that philosophy relates to your talents, goals and the reasons you chose to apply to Dickinson.

*Dickinson students shall become globally engaged citizen leaders.

I want to take any suggestions possible. Great appreciations.^^

Two weeks ago when I was rummaging the drawers in my room, I came across an expired reporter ID that I used to be so proud of when I was a third-grade student, and I was surprised to learn that my affiliation with journalism started so early in life.

As I became the minister of the editorial board of the school's broadcasting station 6 years ago, gathering news and writing articles became my daily routine. I shuttled back and forth during breaks to assign my men different tasks, not to mention my starving stomach when I was on duty for the broadcasting period at noon, but I loved the job. As a confident leader, I often told my men, "if you guys want to thrive, just string along with me." But when it comes to work, I was always painstaking, especially when I am working in the "press".

Days passed as I understood more events happening around me, and the world I behold now is not so perfect anymore. Our earth is sweating and the glaciers are melting; ozone hole appeared above the Antarctic and many creatures are about to extinct; extreme poverty and hunger still exist in Africa and refugees are being tortured in war-torn countries; attempts at eradicating HIV have been fruitless as H1N1 goes berserk. It is true that hardly any of these has interfered my life, but my heart breaks when I see them. My dream, fostered by my sense of responsibility, is to become a United Nations Messenger of Peace. With determination, I will be devoted to raising awareness of United Nations' efforts to improve the lives of billions of people everywhere, and to motivate people to press for a united and peaceful world.

But before that, I need to figure out a solution to my own problem: "How can I become someone who combines both ability and love for humanity?"

Dickinson college answered me best. "If you're looking for a college with a focus on the world and all it has to offer, Dickinson may be perfect." I want to be one of those Dickinson students who aim to become globally engaged citizen leaders in the future. I want to join the big family of Dickinson, learn to take responsibilities, and enhance my knowledge and skill. At Dickinson, I shall take a step closer towards my dream.
ruzhang143   
Nov 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Dickinson college supplement-globally engaged citizen leaders [8]

Thanks Kevin, I used "comrades" instead of "men", would that be better?

And I've also made some changes to the last three paragraphs. Here is it again.

Days passed as I came to know more events that happened around me, and the world I behold now is not so perfect anymore. Our earth is sweating and the snowmen are melting; extreme poverty and hunger prevail in Africa and refugees are being tortured in war-torn countries; attempts at eradicating HIV have been fruitless as H1N1 goes berserk. It is true that hardly any of these has interfered my life, but my heart breaks when I see them. My dream, fostered by my sense of responsibility, is to become a United Nations Messenger of Peace. The boxing legend, Muhammad Ali, who spent most of his time outside the boxing ring devoted to the pursuit of peace and the battle against Apartheid, and Luciano Pavarotti, who used the power of music to generate millions of dollars in humanitarian aid, have always been my heroes. With determination, I will strive to reach my destination and carry on their tasks: to raise the awareness of United Nations' efforts to improve the lives of billions of people everywhere, and to motivate people to press for a united and peaceful world.

But before that, I need to figure out a solution to my own problem: "How can I become someone who combines both talent and responsibility?"

Dickinson College answers me best. "If you're looking for a college with a focus on the world and all it has to offer, Dickinson may be perfect." I want to be one of those Dickinson students who are destined to become globally engaged citizen leaders in the future. I want to join the big family of Dickinson, engage in its comprehensive international education program, learn to take my responsibilities for the world, and enhance my knowledge and skill. At Dickinson, I shall take a step closer towards my dream.
ruzhang143   
Nov 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "the high-level knowledge" - UC #2: 2 experience [3]

the persistence is like the catalyst
the renouncement is like the impediment

Your second paragraph seems quite rough, with too much information but not enough detail.

Perhaps include more interesting facts rather than just plainly describe your achievements.

Take whatever you need.
ruzhang143   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / What would it be to your advantage to participate in Protrack program? [4]

Ok, well, first I don't really know the prompt. Is it "Why do you want to attend FIT?"

I think you shouldn't mention anything about the FA, because if you've applied for it then if you put it here it would be a waste of chance to show your other interest in this college.

Other than that, deep analyzation with the Pro track. Good work.
ruzhang143   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / 'The best advice is experience' - Cornell university --why cornell engineering? [12]

Prompt: College of Engineering:
Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

Thanks for your time. Give me any suggestions possible.

"Thump, crack!"

"Boom!" "Oh, no!"

Running down the stairs immediately after my electronic dictionary fell from my hand, I prayed that it was not broken. However, when I picked it up and saw the horrible cracks in the LCD screen, I knew that my eighth electronic dictionary kissed me goodbye.

Frustrated, I dismantled the dictionary with my screwdrivers after I got back home, hoping to fix it on my own. However, I realized that I was struggling in vain after the components were scattered over my desk. Everytime I encountered such an "Electronic dictionary nightmare", I wished I were an almighty engineer who could grant my baby a second life.

With frustration came inspiration. I stepped into the realm of engineering and gradually fell in love with it: I probed the working principles of our water dispenser, distinguishing between internal heating and external heating; I figured out the electromagnetic structure of our security door and tried to fix it when it malfunctioned; I frequently visited my father's chemistry lab and volunteered for my father, a chemical engineer, and performed lots of experiments under his instructions. Fascinated with new ideas and creative designs, I also had my own wildest dream of building a flying broomsticks, just like how Henry Ford dreamed of creating his "horseless carriges." I always kept my father's words in heart: "with engineering, anything is possible. It is a powerful tool that will offer you the opportunity to change the world."

Not until I encountered Cornell did I find the right place to strive to be a skilled and determined engineer. The Writing-Intensive Co-op in Engineering Communications Program will enable me not only to develop strategies for learning how to act and communicate effectively, but also integrate my skills into workplace experience. Since I aim to build up my own company in the future, the Kessler Fellows Program also grabbed my attention with its one-year work-study program that combines special educational and employment components. After I took part in UTACCEL, a entreprenuership contest this summer, I found that turning new ideas into reality and applying new designs to the business world would be revolutionary. During Jason's laser engineering seminar course, we envisioned laser technology's application in the business world, and realized there are in fact no clear boundaries between the two domains. By combining the two courses we can achieve a win-win. I hope to become a Cornell's engineering student who will have the best opportunity to challenge and promote myself. In this peaceful and exuberant campus, I will never walk backwards on my road towards success.
ruzhang143   
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / Why does Brown appeal to me?Who or what has influenced my decision ? [9]

coexist together

This iswas the time when I saw the movie called "Ice Princess",.

And for this sentence, I think it would be better if you don't put "This was the time" because this will be too much a coincidence. By the way I also loved this movie.

His ideas on the causes of unemployment revolutionalized macroeconomic theory and profoundly altered

Overall, I liked your essay. It's neat and quite riveting.
ruzhang143   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell University -- Why Engineering? [6]

Yes I totally agree with Katsch. You elaborated on your experience quite well but you forgot the second part of the question. It seems like that you've written this essay for more than just Cornell but only changed the name of the school...
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