Writing Feedback / [Writing Task 1] Statistics about branches of banks and financial institutions in Nepal in 2019 [2]

The table below shows the total number of branches of banks and financial institutions in Nepal in 2019. The graph shows the ten districts in Nepal having the highest number of bank branches in 2019.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

While the table states the total amount of branches of banks and financial institutions in Nepal in 2019, the given graph illustrates the ten districts in Nepal with the highly significant number of bank branches in 2019. This essay will analyze the significant points of the statistics.

Generally, in 2019, the majority of branches of banks and financial institutions belong to commercial banks and microfinance institutions. Besides, Kathmandu is seemly the financial center district of Nepal with the highest number of bank branches.

In the mentioned table, the commercial banks and microfinance institutions have the highest numbers of branches representatively at 3585 and 3629. The share of both the two institutions dominated the table with 41,27% belonging to the commercial banks and 41,77% belonging to the microfinance banks. On the other hand, the smallest number of branches of banks and financial institutions is 205 belonging to finance companies.

Turning to the graph below, it is not difficult to see that the district having the highest number of bank branches is Kathmandu with nearly 800 branches. The district had the lowest number of bank branches is Dang with approximately 150 branches.

• 
  Screenshot2022122.png
  

Writing Feedback / [Writing Task 2] Social health care for the old and reasons [5]

With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people.
Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in the number of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

The breakthrough of the social medical system leads to a significant focus on the old. In my opinion, society would face difficulty with the increase in elderly people. The authority needs to have a radical remedy to tackle this problem. This essay also explains this phenomenon.

It would be tough for society to gain attention to medical care for the old under the circumstances. The authority and the medical center's directors should manage the phenomenon well. They should make plans with the strategic city planner to foresee the quantity of the old. The authority will reallocate the human medical resources until getting the specific data. Besides, the young also take responsibility for the health care of their parents. By paying attention to the old's health, the young will contribute to reducing the burden of the public health care system.

There are some reasons for the difficulties including the extent of human, facilities, and finance. About the human aspect, with the improvement of health care, the human resources for medical would be minimized in spite of the more attention on the elderly. Regarding the facility, the local medical services would not be available for the old. Finance is the last impact related to the difficulty for geriatrics.

For example, during the epidemic of Covid 19, vaccines will be preferred for the young. The health condition of the old includes many based diseases, which delay the impact of the treatment process. The old also need more nursery and medical staff to take care of than the young. Under the global disaster, fertility and financial resources also are scared, which makes the old underprivileged.

In a conclusion, with the improvement of the medical system, society pays more attention to the elderly however that activity would be a burden. Both authorities and the young take responsibility for taking care of the old's health condition. Besides, the reasons for the difficulty is dependent on human, fertility, and finance.

Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of writing language in informal way_IELTS part 2 [3]

Many people use written language in a less formal and more relaxed way.

Why? Does this development have advantages and disadvantages?

On daily basis, people tend to use causal written language. Under the high growth speed of globalization, this essay will explain the reason, pros and cons of this phenomenon.

Generally, the viewpoint of this situation is under the business environment. Considering international business, the relationship between the countries meets the communication barriers, which is the reason for this development. With a low level of effort, the trader could communicate with others in casual languages. The hidden reason for this development is the connection between culture, history, and human behaviors. By sharing some aspects of the world culture, people tend to use body language in written form.

Turning to the advantages of this activity, using casually written language helps people who have low English skills could understand the ideas easier. The daily language also contains more familiar words than the formal one. The informal way to write would take less time to be written and edited than the formal one. With the casually written language, the vibe of content is from mutual to relax which is referred to as the casual occasion.

However the informally written language makes the document effortless to be prepared, this phenomenon also existed some drawbacks. The relaxed tone of voice makes the writing inappropriate for the formal occasion. The document, the representation of the speakers, also shows the work attitude. If businessmen would like to show their profession to their partners, they should use formally written language. By keeping it short and simple, people could understand clearly the intention of the writer, without further explanation as the casually written language.

My last IELTS writing result is 6.0, and I want to improve my skill to 7.0. Give some advice to reach the target