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[Writing Task 2] Social health care for the old and reasons

hanablaaaa 3 / 6 1  
Dec 14, 2022   #1
With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people.
Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in the number of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

The breakthrough of the social medical system leads to a significant focus on the old. In my opinion, society would face difficulty with the increase in elderly people. The authority needs to have a radical remedy to tackle this problem. This essay also explains this phenomenon.

It would be tough for society to gain attention to medical care for the old under the circumstances. The authority and the medical center's directors should manage the phenomenon well. They should make plans with the strategic city planner to foresee the quantity of the old. The authority will reallocate the human medical resources until getting the specific data. Besides, the young also take responsibility for the health care of their parents. By paying attention to the old's health, the young will contribute to reducing the burden of the public health care system.

There are some reasons for the difficulties including the extent of human, facilities, and finance. About the human aspect, with the improvement of health care, the human resources for medical would be minimized in spite of the more attention on the elderly. Regarding the facility, the local medical services would not be available for the old. Finance is the last impact related to the difficulty for geriatrics.

For example, during the epidemic of Covid 19, vaccines will be preferred for the young. The health condition of the old includes many based diseases, which delay the impact of the treatment process. The old also need more nursery and medical staff to take care of than the young. Under the global disaster, fertility and financial resources also are scared, which makes the old underprivileged.

In a conclusion, with the improvement of the medical system, society pays more attention to the elderly however that activity would be a burden. Both authorities and the young take responsibility for taking care of the old's health condition. Besides, the reasons for the difficulty is dependent on human, fertility, and finance.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
Dec 15, 2022   #2
There is a difference between caring for the elderly and focusing on the elderly. The former refers to the medical needs of the aged, as referred to in the original. The latter only implies an interest in the elderly, without a specific medical reference to the subject. The prompt restatement is therefore incorrect.

With regards to the writer's opinion, the exam taker should understand that although a clear opinion was presented, the rest of the response does not establish a correct discussion basis as indicated. Which authority should be responsible for this? What specific actions must be taken ? Establish the facts in the summary then expand it in the reasoning paragraphs. The last sentence in the presentation is a topic deviation that unnecessarily changed the orginal presentation. The lack of proper development in this paragraph will not be good for the preliminary discussion score.

Do not over discuss the topic. The 1st reasoning paragraph dealt with the relevant question in a cohesive manner witha proper example worked into the paragraph, well meeting the C + C requirements. The second question should have been presented in a similar manner. There was no need to present a stand alone example.
Pettypet 4 / 12  
Dec 16, 2022   #3
You have answered the question of whether the society would be able to cope with the increase in the number of elderly people. I would suggest before explaining how the situation/issue can be managed you explain in a sentence or two why the society will gave a hard time coping.

Also, there are a few errors. Consider editing out the last sentence of the second paragraph
"...burden of the..." To "...burden on the..."
The last paragraph, Instead of saying," In a conclusion..." You could say, "In conclusion..."
adriennguyen 3 / 4 2  
Dec 17, 2022   #4
I think that the structure of the essay is not really well-organised. Paragraphs III, and IV can be merged into one, with the examples going in the same paragraph with the difficulties. Moreover, your essay is not well-developed enough. I would recommend to take a deeper look of those claims you have made.
chelseaanasts 2 / 2  
Dec 17, 2022   #5
I think you should increase the confidence in your essay. Words like "In my opinion" are unnecessary. Overall, I think you have a quite good take. Good luck!

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