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Posts by hatung94
Joined: Nov 8, 2009
Last Post: Dec 30, 2011
Threads: 6
Posts: 8  


Displayed posts: 14
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hatung94   
Dec 30, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'History is a source of patriotism' - I E L T S - studying the past [6]

I think your essay is clumsy. Remember IELTS is a test which tests how clearly and effectively you deliver your thought in English. CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR, that's the key. there's no need to use lengthy sentences with unnecessary words while lack supporting examples.

Rewrite this essay. Try to make things related to each other rather than just beat around the bush
hatung94   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins - INTERNATIONAL STUDIES [NEW]

Hello everyone, help me check this essay. I'm from vietnam

Johns Hopkins University Supp -- Intended Major Essay

Vietnam International Studies



--------------

It was a hard time for me to realize that the beginning of the Vietnam War was to blame on both sides. The war was waged by the United States so deluded with the domino theory to grasp that it's nationalism that drove Vietnamese, and Vietnam so abhorrent to imperialism to understand that the threat of increasing Communist states' influence was what motivated the U.S.

This new perception makes me wonder: what would my country look like if at that critical time it had been maneuvered by hands of shrewd diplomats, rather than war-like ones. What if the U.S had had a better understanding of the nationalist sentiment which is so entrenched in the little South East Asian country, Vietnam. From then on, I have felt compelled to jump-start my journey to explore factors that make up countries in the world as well as build up my interest in international studies, what I intend to major at Johns Hopkins University.

For the past year, I have spent enormous time visiting news websites and scientific journals to seek answers to complicated conundrums of current world affairs with ceaseless enthusiasm. I want to see why a little Lebanon can make so much impact on the Middle East region. I want to see why Sudan with its tremendous oil reserves could not move up to a high-income country. And of course I want to see why my country Vietnam, after decades of reform, is still trapped in a fragile economy and an incompetent political regime.

As a student with insatiable curiosity and passion for knowledge, I look forward to Johns Hopkins University as a new chapter in my life in which I could immerse myself in academic life and a supportive community of like-minded individuals whose interest in International Studies.
hatung94   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Master studies will empower me - my last two paragraphs [3]

actually, it's very hard to make any serious comments based on the two paragraph you provide. If possible, post the whole essay, then pp can really grasp what you are trying to talk abt and modify your essay then
hatung94   
Sep 7, 2011
Undergraduate / "my immigration experience from China to America" - Princeton Supplement Essay [5]

well, I think your essay is too common which does the "telling", not "showing", for the most part. In your 5th paragraph, you don't really let the reader know how you change. You just states that your thinking is more critical and thoughtful blah; this is not acceptable unless you only apply to less competitive schools. What you need to do now is to give real examples to show that you think very critically and give a lot of thought to certain experience you encountered in life.
hatung94   
Jun 1, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: NEWS ABOUT CELEBRITIES [7]

So now if a magazine, for example, decided notto cut down its column about famous people, it would be a very big mistake
hatung94   
Jun 1, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: NEWS ABOUT CELEBRITIES [7]

Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspaper, magazines, and others media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.

Nowadays, it is easy to see that the number of news, especially news about famous people, is increasing rapidly. Some people say that newspaper, television and other media should not pay too much attention to the private lives of these people as these news waste a lot of time of readers. However, I think that ...

help me to check this awkward essay
hatung94   
May 26, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Improve Roads or Public Transports [3]

Topic: Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation(buses, trains, subways)? Why?

Many people think that governments should spend money on improving roads and highways while the others say that it would be better to spend money on public transportation. In my opinion, governments should certainly spend money on the public transportation system because it would deal with problems that the rising number of private cars is creating.

First, the using of public transportation reduces the amount of resources using on transportation. Cars depend on gasoline, which is a non-renewable resource. Therefore, the more cars we use means that the faster gasoline in this world is used up. In the contrary, if the public transportation is efficiently used, the amount of gasoline consuming per person will be much lower. And this definitely helps to reserve our invaluable natural resource, gasoline.

Second, public transportation helps to solve the air pollution problems. Averagely, public transports use much less gasoline to carry people than private cars. It means that by using public transports, the less gas exhaust is pumped to the air and people will no longer have to bear the stuffy situation on the roads, which is always full of fumes.

Last but not least, using public transportation is much safer than private transportation. According to National Safety Council, riding the bus is over 170 times safer than private care. Thus there is no reason that governments should hesitate to invest in public transportation, a healthy, safe and economical way of transporting.

In short, I can say for certain that spending money on improving public transportation is necessary because it is the key to protect our world, creating a healthy and safe environment for people to live in.
hatung94   
Jan 23, 2010
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY:HOW TO USE THE LAND THAT YOU WISH? [2]

TOPIC: Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land?

Land is a valuable resource as we can get a lot of money and a lot of other things from it. And the wisest thing to take full advantage of land maybe setting up business on it. Personally, if I were given some land as I wish, I would open a coffee shop of my own on it.

The demand for coffee is growing everyday and it becomes an indispensable drink to many people. Although a lot of coffee shops are opening but they still seem not to meet the needs of customers. Thus, with a number of customers, some land locating in a busy street would offer me such an opportunity to open a successful coffee shop.

Locating in a busy street, my shop has such an advantage to attract customers. Thus if it had a remarkable appearance, many people will come to it and my business would pay off. For myself, I really want to design my shop in the Chinese style with some modern parts of the city. This will make my shop stand out from the others and no one can take their eyes of its vividness. Moreover my coffee shop will not only sell coffee. There will be a different menu that my customers can have not only coffees but also many kinds of Eastern Teas, what Asian Americans are very interested in.

Running this unique coffee shop would certainly bring me a lot of money. With the money getting from it, I will be able to open more and more shops and then make coffee shop chains. As a sequence, I will become a big boss and famous for the coffee shop chains that I own. This would be very great. Moreover, as having a lot of money, I will donate it for the charity and I believe that it will help the poor have a better life.

In short, opening a coffee shop in the land as I wish would be a wonderful thing that I will not only achieve success and make money from it but also be able to help a lot of people as well.

Please check my essay.
hatung94   
Nov 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / Important teenage decisions should be taken by parents or elders [3]

Age of 15 is the age of numerous changes in one person. Children at this age always want to express themselves and make their own decisions. But anyway parents still should make important decisions for their over 15 year-old children.

The first reason for this is that no one understands children as well as their parents. Parents know what their children want, what they need and they make the best decisions for them. These decisions are very essential and useful. They help children a lot, bring them in a right direction to develop. For instance, parents should decide which school their children will attend. A good school will benefit children a lot, bring them a pleasant condition that they can improve their knowledge and skills much more remarkably.

Second, if children are allowed to make their own decisions, they are likely to get in a lot of troubles. Therefore they not only can't learn anything from their mistakes but also can be put in an extremely stressful state. This is very not good because it will distract children from their studies, make them always feel confused and disheartened. Moreover, children who cannot cope with the stress may commit suicide. This will remain heart-rending suffering for the children' family.

In addition, nowadays lots of parents, especially who divorced, indulge their children. They give their children a lot of money, allow them to do everything, to make any decisions. By this means, they are spoiling their children as immature children with no control of parents are probably become corrupt. They will have no interest in studying, all day hang out with the others or maybe commit social evil. These results of children making decisions are disastrous and can harm a lot to society.

In conclusion, parents should be who direct and make important decisions for their teenaged children. Teenagers who follow their parents' advices will have a good preparation for their future lives.

Someone helps me for some more ideas. My ideas are very poor :(
hatung94   
Nov 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: First Work [3]

i think that you should not mention "protecting endangered animals is necessary". Your conclusion should focus strongly on that man needs farmland... than the necessity of protecting these animals. This will make your essay more persuasive.
hatung94   
Nov 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. [4]

TOPIC : Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Human Society is a long period of building and developing. From the time man lived in dank caves to nowadays when he lives in such a modern life with a lot of excellent facilities. The modern life, the excellent facilities was not a present from god. It was made by people of all generations who always learned from the past and developed everything they had learned from it. Thus, I totally disagree with the statement above that learning about the past has no value.

The first reason for this is that learning about the past brings us all the knowledge and information in the past. Without yesterday, there is no today. A society can develop only when its people inherit and understand the achievements of the precursors because the precursors' achievements were the foundation for everything to develop.. For example, before 1964 there was only black-and-white television but until now there are kinds of colour televisions that are slim and innovative such as LCD TV... The black-and-white television made the basis and gave inventors idea to develop the modern TV nowadays. Consequently our knowledge, success today is the result of constant work of our ancestors before.

Secondly, learning about the past is very essential because it makes us doubt and take consideration into earlier assumptions. For that reason, people will find out mistakes that were made in the past. This will show us which roads not to ever go down again and put human in a right way to develop. Learning about the past is not only learning about the history but also is learning from our and the others' mistakes. By this way of learning, people will become more and more experienced and never make the same mistakes again.

Additionally, if learning about the past has no value, people in the world could speak, could write by themselves without learning from anyone. This is impossible so the value of the past, in this case are the parents, are undeniable.

In a nutshell, the past is always a good teacher and we are still bad students who crave for knowledge. Denying the past also means that we are destroying the present and our future because no one can jump without ground to stand on.
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