Undergraduate / Tepper School of Business & International management; Why Carnegie Mellon? [6]

** I picked business and engineering as my interest. Therefore, I am explaining about them in one-page essay. Do you think the transition between the majors is good? Is this how I am supposed to lead the essay? I am saying I love international management, but then I say I love mechanical engineering... They might think i am flattering or something. But I really am interested in two majors. Any comments on how to make that point effectively?

Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay

Tepper School of Business has attracted my attention ever since I found myself interested in international management. I can say I was a natural-born businessperson since I was young. When I was a boy, I sold my drawings to my friends. I initially gave my drawings freely, but as more people wanted my drawings, I gave the drawings to the people who offered the most money. Now I realize that I had already been exposed to the principle of supply and demand. My father, a business owner, after listening to my story, gave me a rudimentary knowledge of business and its workings, which I enjoyed.

Because my parents valued diverse cultural experiences, I have traveled in over fifteen countries in the last nine years. Traveling the world, I have learned a lot, including many foreign cultural practices, environments, and the locals' unique lifestyles. Then I realized I am really interested in doing business management internationally. I blindly thought of doing business when I was young, but through the world travel, I found my own conscious interest in international management. Therefore, among many factors that make Tepper School of Business great, the strong information system and operations management programs at Tepper School of Business is what makes it absolutely irresistible for me.

To prepare myself for my prospective international management career, I chose an American high school with many international students. Meeting with different people and making connections interests me the most. With students from all over the world gaining knowledge of world-renowned introduction of management science, I want to continue my study of international management at Tepper School of Business.

As much as I am drawn to a prospective international management career, I also consider mechanical engineering one of my true interest. I had never thought the robots from "Transformers" animation could be actualized in real life. Although I enjoyed watching the animation, I regarded them as imaginary, unable to exist with current technologies. Therefore, when I witnessed HUBO, the first bipedal humanoid robot in Korea, in 2004, I was absolutely amazed. Although there were already some advanced humanoid robots in other countries at the time, I was ignorant of them before. HUBO could see, walk, speak, express its emotion, play rock-paper-and-scissors, and even dance blues with humans. Then, I began wondering about the materials inside HUBO. "What kinds of components make HUBO able to walk?" "How can it move its fingers like that of humans?" Such inquisition made me more interested in majoring in mechanical engineering.

Ranging from the deep ocean to outside of the earth, mechanical engineering is dominating our society today. 
 CMU is advanced in many aspects. With Wireless Andrew, one of the largest wireless networks available on a college campus today, all campus can communicates through the internet. I hope I can be one of chosen students who enjoy the ubiquitous life with its advanced technology within the campus. Also, Diversity Advisory Council(DAC) blahblah + nice facility

Undergraduate / UC-'The World I came from' (South-Korean) essay [5]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Since when I was very young, my parents have taken me to a lot of places, including historically valuable places, museums and even to the opera house and orchestra concert, because they believed that the true education was the education that was taught, or felt, through many experiences. And I also enjoyed going to such places. However, I did not like going to the opera house, until I saw "The Magic Flute." My parents once took me to watch "Aida," but it was too abstruse for a 9 year old boy to completely understand the whole opera. Since then, I did not like watching operas. I always refused to go to the opera house whenever my parents told me to. However, one day, my parents told me about the opera "The Magic Flute" by Mozart. The title fascinated me at first. And it seemed like a fun opera made for kids. It sure was fun - even though it was not for kids, the opera was directed in a way that kids could also enjoy watching it. It was the first opera that I watched without dozing off while watching it.

When I was 9 years old, I wanted to have a trip out of the country, especially to the United States of America, since I had never ridden on an airplane before. I always bothered my mom asking her to go to the States. However, I did not realized then that I have already experienced a lot that not everybody could experience easily. One day, my mom asked me: "Where do you want to travel most?" I replied, "America." "OK. Let's go. Go change clothes and get ready to leave to the airport." And that was the only conversation at home before we left to go to L.A., and the first international trip I had ever had. My father could not come because of his work. Since then, my mom and I often went to many foreign countries. Visiting United States, Japan, Singapore, Australia, Greece, Turkey, Egypt, Mexico, Sri Lanka, France, Germany, Belgium, England, and Saipan during last 9 years, I have learned a lot including many foreign cultures, environment, and their(or foreigners') unique life styles.

While I am a pure South Korean genetically, my characteristic is shaped through a lot of extraordinary experiences. Such experiences made me wanted to study abroad, and that is why I came to the States to learn more among international students. I am from the world, the literal WORLD.

It's about 440 words.
I know it is not professional or well-organized,(I have struggled for a week and this is what came out of it.) I REALLY NEED AN ADVICE on the structure, and how to SHOW it. Even when I read it, it is no where special or interesting. (my essay even somewhat sounds bragging) Please help me to make a better essay. Thank you.