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Posts by guffaa88
Joined: Nov 11, 2009
Last Post: Nov 16, 2009
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guffaa88   
Nov 15, 2009
Undergraduate / USC prompt : "Perception of Mortality" does it agree with the prompt? [4]

UC prompt:USC's speaker series "What Matters to Me and Why" asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

Can anyone please tell me if it is adequately structured and if my essay answers the prompt. Thank you!

It was me against a one-ton, metal, forty mile-per-hour moving machine; I almost lost, indefinitely. Life hit me that day, with that van, to wake me from my childish interpretation of the world and violently rip the veil of immaturity from my eyes. As I lay on the side of the road, my naivety slowly blacked out with my eyes and when I came to, I believe my real life began. With an experience like that at twelve years old, I got a wake up call stronger and way beyond anything I had ever experienced before, it was literally a life changing moment.

It was the 21st of May of 2004 and I got up that morning with the alarm clock blaring, like any day before it. My parents were, as always, already at work so I got up myself and began to get ready for school. I washed my face, ate breakfast my mom set out for me and got dressed in under fifteen minutes. I rushed at unnatural speeds so that I could do what I longed for every morning, play Playstation without time restriction from my parents. I played every morning without my parents knowing and I felt smart that I was able to get around their rules without any consequence. The side effect to my playing, however, was that every morning I would be running to school so I would not be late. My alarm clock was set at one hour before school started, but I would always leave five minutes before the school bell would ring. That day in May I played my games, turned the console off, put on my backpack, locked my door, sprinted down my stairs and across street without looking. I didn't expect anything, nor did I understand what was happening as I was struck by a van going at about forty miles per hour, rolled on the windshield, cracked it, rolled about two feet on the roof of the van, and collapsed on the side of the road. As I lay there with my vision being conquered by vibrating strips and lines of black, I remember the white van speeding off and making a right turn, the driver probably thinking that I was killed. I awoke a few seconds later and realized I was being pulled off the road by an old man that was cursing at me for my stupidity. I looked down and my legs and noticed that something didn't look right, my left leg was a bit too loose as it was being dragged. Then the pain came. I had fractured my leg badly and it was only ten months later that I would walk again normally, ten grueling months, ten months of suffering.

Thankfully that was the worst part, I was not hurt in any other way except a few bumps and bruises. It wasn't, however, the physical ails that bothered me, it was the realization that I could have died. Never before in my twelve years had I seriously formulated the idea that I could die; sure I saw much of it in movies and such, but never did I imagine that it could really happen to me. As I was confined to my bed for the next two months, I began analyzing aspects of my life, as now I had an idea of mortality wedged in deeply. I realized that the main reason that I got into this situation was my own carelessness, my own disregard of my parents' warnings, my own childish pursuits and overall my own view of the world's workings. During and after my recovery, looking back, I felt that I had started to be much more organized, more acute with everything. Situations that before I wouldn't think much of, now received deep analysis; it is safe, what negative outcomes may come from doing this, is it worth it? This new, organized, mature method of thought really turned my life around for the better. I started begin more responsible and successful in my schoolwork. Also, after I recovered fully, I went back to my swim team and managed to perform even better than I did before my accident. The accident, no matter how terrible, was worth it. It may seem like a terrible thing to say, but I know that with its passing that I am the person that I am today.
guffaa88   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2: "Duality" (let me know if it is adequate enough) [3]

UC Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

My first prompt essay was really long (about 720 words) and since this one is mcuh shorter, i was wondering if it is adequate enough in its analysis and detail. Thank you very much.

A strong belief for my family and for myself personally, is that respect toward one's own culture should be a critical aspect of life that is to be held closely to one's heart. Some conflict, however, arises when one's heritage consists of numerous cultures. Having roots in both Armenian and Russian cultures, yet living the first six years of my life in a mostly Russian-speaking part of Ukraine, really deprived me of knowing much about my Armenian heritage. Everyone either spoke Russian or Ukrainian, so naturally my first language was Russian, with Armenian not being present at all. My father later told me that he had to comply with society and let me adopt most Russian customs into my life so that I may grow up as part of the majority of society, not be odd or cut off in any way. When I moved to the US, however, and lived in Glendale, California, where there is a large majority of Armenians, I was exposed to the other half of my initially missing culture.

I did not know Armenian, nor was I familiar with any of the traditions or customs that my father's family shared. Feeling so odd and left out as a child, I subconsciously set a goal for myself to learn Armenian and integrate myself into my new surroundings. With strong determination, in a few years time I was able to fully understand Armenian and while not speak it perfectly, still be able to hold a conversation with my uncles, aunts and other relatives without much trouble. I felt much more comfortable and fit in with the family much better than before; I felt proud to be able to touch upon the other half of my blood and overall felt much more spiritually complete. Yet while living surrounded by Armenians and being enveloped in Armenian customs, I had decided that I would not be subject to the same fault as before in Ukraine. I decided that I would learn to live respecting and remembering both of my cultural counterparts and keeping a harmonious unity between the two, and I have done so successfully today.
guffaa88   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Go to bed" - UC transfer essay prompt 1 [3]

How does the anecdote in the beginning tie into you choosing your major? It s a bit unclear, try and transition the first and second paragraphs a bit better.

But overall great =D
guffaa88   
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt#2 Personal Quality - Marching Band [5]

Overall the idea is great, just be more fluid with your transitions ( especailly the "however one day they doubted me" section).

Also try and combine some of your sentences to make the flow of the essay a bit smoother (ex. Marching band was already a crucial part of my school life. As I became accustomed to band, I felt that I was becoming one of them.) You jsut have a bit too many short statements that break up the flow.

Watch your sentences there are many grammatically mistakes as well.
(ex. As of____ my dreams had come true, I was led to fulfilling...)

Again great job with the connection at the end and the pacing, good luck!
guffaa88   
Nov 11, 2009
Undergraduate / UC prompt #1- "Growing Up With Cinema" (where my grandmother used to work) [6]

UC prompt #1- "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations"

This is my UC prompt #1 answer. It is about 750 words, I am wondering if someone can please assess it both for quality and for what to remove, if anything is a bit too much. Thank you.

I grew up in a movie theater. On the corner of Volkzalnaya and Krasnardarskaya, every morning I would cross the desolate town park with my mother in hand, going to be dropped off at the DKA Theater where my grandmother used to work. At four years old I looked forward to those mornings because as soon as my mother left me with my grandma for the day, so she could go to work, I had a vast empty theater as my playground. The lights were always dimmed during the day and the cold damp air of the Ukrainian night was ever evident in the hallways and rooms of my ancient playground. The first two hours of my days were bliss as nobody but my grandma in her control room was around and I was free to run around throughout my wondrous domain. As the various employees started to pour in, the place livened up and more lights were turned on, ruining the initial mood. I didn't mind though; new games were played during this time and the other side, that I admired most, of my usually complacent grandmother came out. As the technician, the janitor, the coat man, and the old hunched-over Pyotr the security guard came to work, my grandma began her duties as director, instructing all of the employees to their tasks for the day and then going back into her office and pouring over the books. She, a woman of about fifty, was the director of the unusually successful movie theater of the town of Khartsizk.

That theater was my stepping block into the real world and all of its workings. As I got older, maybe about five years old, I remember my grandma going into the projection room and instructing me on how the machines ran. At five years old I had a pretty good understanding of how to load and unload film and how the reel room was categorized. I also remember her buying a suit for me and putting me at the front door so that I might greet people as they came in and open the door for them. I also remember her calling my mother some days and saying that I would need to stay with her at the DKA a bit longer that night because we had some work to do. She would then take all of the ticket sales and make me count them all and record the sales in her cracked, dark leather ledger. Then on Fridays I remember payday, as the employees came in one by one getting their envelopes, I received one as well, with enough candy money for the week. My grandmother gave me experiences, both real world and for play, that not many children get. All of the small tasks and the exposure to all of the different situations at the DKA, while I may have not known at the time, gave me a broader view of the world. Through my grandmother's guidance and involvement I learned not be shy around people, I learned self-reliance, I was exposed to simple mechanics, I practiced simple bookkeeping, and most important of all, I was exposed to real-world situations everyday, not like the usually sheltered and controlled lives of most children.

At the time since everything was a game for me, I believe that my limited exposure to business management and financial workings at the DKA is what really positively associated economics to something as fun and interesting for me. My grandma always used to remind me that my ticket sales calculations were the most critical part of the night, that all of the hard work that all of the employees put into that day depended on my accurate summation. I, therefore, always completed the task with utmost caution and actually checked my work before giving it to my grandma. She would always trust my addition and I, therefore, felt that my position and work at the DKA was important; she, much later in my life, told me with a smile that she always rechecked my calculations when I wasn't around. That sense of importance, howver, subconsciously carried over to today, and I feel that I have my late grandmother to thank for giving me an interest in finance and overall adequately preparing me for life.
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