What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement. *
"Go to bed,", my dad told me. It was way past midnight and I had been carried away working all day on our new project. My dad and I had started on a project to reform his clinic. A kind and loving family man, he had been a family doctor for over 30 years. Throughout this time, all his patient records and clinic procedures were paper-based. We knew that it was time his clinic had a makeover. Over the past month, I followed him to work daily, observing and learning every aspect of his business. I would sit in the lobby of his clinic with a notebook and pen and jolt down every little detail I observe. After a month, I formulated a proposal to him.
Deciding on my major was never a smooth journey for me. From Information technology to business, I had to go through many obstacles in life before finally realizing that my passion indeed lied in industrial engineering and operations research. What more could I ask for with an education that offered the best of both worlds: engineering and business. As a young boy, I've always been outgoing with a keen eye for detail. When I use an object and find it unhandy or when I find inefficiency in a system, I would brainstorm for ways to improve them.
Currently, I am in the process of leading a fundraising team and to raise funds for the arthritis foundation. Through this experience, I have realized that in order to magnify my capacity to make a difference, I need to have a transcendent education. Thus, in an attempt to prepare myself for the challenging courses to come, I am also in the Honors program. With the support from my family, professors and supervisors, I strongly feel that I am adequately equipped with a solid academic background to progress to the next level.
Showering me with abundant opportunities to take initiative and lead, these events have enabled me to improve myself in my leadership skills, public-speaking, team-facilitation, role playing, mentoring and also in many other aspects. It is only through these experiences that I have grown to become a mature and independent individual. With the first class education I will receive at UC , I seek to become an effective professional and leader in today's rapidly changing global economy.
Any form of critique would be greatly appreciated.
I would sit in the lobby of his clinic with a notebook and pen and jolt down every little detail I observe.
I think you mean "jot down"
"After a month, I formulated a proposal to him."
What is your proposal?
"my passion indeed lied in industrial"
say: my passion indeed lies in....
Right now it sounds like you don't have that passion anymore!
"I would brainstorm for ways to improve them ."
use "it". you are talking about one object or one system.
Aside from the grammatical errors, this essay is quite impressive. However I am not sure how the first paragraph conveys how your interest in industrial engineering came about. Maybe if you elaborate on your proposal it would be clearer.
With a solid academic background to which my family, professors, and supervisors all contributed meaningfully, I strongly feel that I am adequately equipped. with a solid academic background to progress to the next level.
Over the past month, I had followed him to work daily, observing ...
Mention some research articles that are important in your field... and it will show them that you are driven and passionate! This means you will have to google around for some industrial engineering and operations articles by people doing what you want to do. Mention some hot topics in the field today! And mention some articles.
