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Posts by Ruah
Joined: Nov 23, 2009
Last Post: Jan 8, 2010
Threads: 5
Posts: 14  

From: Saudi Arabia

Displayed posts: 19
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Ruah   
Jan 8, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The money spent on Leisure and Education was a very little amount in all 5 countries [2]

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The table given in the question displays percentages which declare the amount of money people from 5 different countries spend on different items in the year 2002.

It turns out that the citizens of all the 5 countries spent their money mostly on Food, Drinks and Tobacco. But, the Irish peolple seem to have spent the highest amount of money on such items, for their spendings on Food reached 28.91%.

The spending on Clothing and Footwear was not that high in all the countries, for not one country had a percentage of spending that exceeded 10%. The highest percentage was 9.00% and this percentage was reached by the citizens of Italy.

The money spent on Leisure and Education was a very little amount in all 5 countries, the percentage of spending on this item did not reach 5% in all the 5 countries. The percentage which was declared the highest was only 4.35% and that was reached by the Turkish people.

The data given above clearifies that Food was the most popular item to spend money on in all the 5 countries by that year.
Ruah   
Jan 8, 2010
Undergraduate / TAMU Admission Essay B - important issue in my life [3]

...I see a gentleman with a generous smile on his face. If I asked anyone to think of a future president, would anyone picture(imagine) a female president in their mind ? I have no doubts that anyone will (you can also say: I can asure you that no one will) ....

... Even though we claim that everyone deserves freedom...
...the modern segregation creates certain limits upon those people who have the potential to go beyond the traditions.

...great potential to become the world's first female president. Even though many Koreans were supportive towards(I think that "towards" should be replaced with "of") her, there were lots of opponents towards here specially those who hated her as athe fact that she was a female candidate.

...who will provide them with a better country withthat has more opportunities and freedom...
....her dream to become athe world's first female president....

So why doesis the modern segregation significant to me?...
....has created motivates me to work much harderhard and motivates me to become that person who can overcome other's perceptions. Thus, with my enthusiasms towards academic performance, I want to be the the one who can be a role model for thefuture( you can say "next" or "following") generation.

Well, my personal opinion is that your essay is really fantastic. But I did find some gramatical errors and as you can see I tried to correct them. Hope I could help, and again this was a very interesting and well written essay.

Good job :)
P.S. I hope you can take a look at my essays and give me your opinion and correct any mistakes you see :)
Ruah   
Dec 11, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay:Some parents believe that reading entertainment books is a waste of [10]

Hello there, I foung the topic really interesting and I totally agree with your opinion. About the writing well, it's good but, there are some mistakes, but if you kept on writing then hopefully the number of mistakes will decrease because as you know "Practice makes Perfect" :)

Wish you the best :)
Ruah   
Dec 10, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Success has broader definition than the earning power of a person. [8]

Hello there..
First of all, I would like to thank you (Gayan M) for your agreement on my rephrasing.
Secondly, I would like to answer the questions posted by s011208.

In my opinion, success has a broader definition than the earning power of a person.
should I add "," after "In my opinion" ? I think that "In my opinions success" can not be a subject?

well, I believe that the "," is necessary here, and I think you can't say In my opinions << that would mean that you have many opinions on the subject which is not a good thing to show when you're writing a Task 2 essay (Opinion essay).

Above are two great examples which support the fact that money is not a necessary factor for one to become achieve success.
this sentence is neccessary? I believe people know it already
I agree with you're suggestion, I think it is not necesaary to write the sentence above because the writer gives examples to prove his/her point, they don't need to make that clear by writing it.

consider a person who has a lot of money but is suffering from a deadly disease which has no cure.
Considering a man has a lot of money but is suffering from a deadly disease which has no cure.
I try to rephrase above snetence. Is this a correct sentence?

I believe the first sentence is more appropriate, because "considering a man has a lot of money" seems a bit wrong.

Likewise, there are enough and more examples which approves to the fact that amount of money ..

or

there are a large number of examples to approve to the fact that ..?
I think the sentence you suggested is better but, to correct it I would say:
there is a large number of examples which approve to the fact that...

Ruah   
Dec 9, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Success has broader definition than the earning power of a person. [8]

Some people say,(this can be replaced with "Some people believe that" ) those who earned or who has lot of money are the ones who are success(earn or have a massive amount of money are the only ones who are successful.)in their lives.Some(Others) argue the (that) success couldn't cannot be measured by the amount of money one earned in his lifeearns. In my opinion success has a broader definition than the earning power of a person.

First of all, isn't it possible tofor someone ( I think "a person" is more formal here) to be successful without money?Lord Buddha, who was one of the greatest religious leaders in earth(I think it is better to use "the world") , became successful after he has(had) realized the truth of life. He taught what he realized to thousands of people and let them follow his path to 'Nirwana', b ut did lord Buddha have lots of money by the time he achieved his success? Does(Did) money helped him to realize (in realizing) the truth and thereby to achieve what we believe as (I think "is" is better) the greatest success one could have (we can also use reach instead of have) ? in this earth(I think this is unnecessary)

Take another example from the life of Thomas Alva Edison; who was an American inventor who developed many devices that greatly influenced the life around the world. including(For instance,) the electric light bulb. Does anyone treat him as a failure? <<(This is not required here) He is one of the most successful scientists and an inventors in the world. DoesCan anyone going to argue on his success (you may also use accomplishment) ? Was money behind his success? Was he born to ain a rich family and therefore let him do all these inventions (I think this shouldn't be included) ? No. There's no relationship withbetween money and his inventions (acheivements is more recomended) . Of course his inventions made him rich. But no one saysaid money made him successful .

Above are two great examples which support the fact that money is not a necessary factor for one to becomeachieve success.

Secondly, does all who earn or who has lot of money can be considered as successare all wealthy people considered as achievers of success ? Imagine a person who is rich but not havingdoes not have a happy family life for some reason. He fights everyday with his wifeargues with his wife everyday, and his children are not listening toobey him. Can we think of him as a successfulperson ?

Similarly, consider a person who has a lot of money but is suffering from a deadly disease which has no cure. Even though he has money in his bank, he cannot use it to save his lifeWith all the money he has, he still cannot save his life . Will anyone say that he is success in his life?Is he estimated as a successful person?( I think if you replace this paragraph with the following, it would be more suitable : Another example is a person who is rich but suffering from a deadly disease that has no cure. Although he has a large amount of money, he still can't save his life.)

Likewise, there are enough and more examples which exemplifyapproves to the fact that amount of money areis not the only definition of success.used to measure success. However, money could be a factorwhen defining success; but it's not the one and only oneof success but not an essential one.

I think it is good for a starter, and I hope you improve your writing more. Just keep on practicing and believe me you will improve in a remarkable way. Btw, I am preparing for the IELTS as well. My exam is on the 9th of Janruary 2010.

I hope you take a look at my essays and give feedback on them , your opinion is highly appreciated.
Wish you the best :)
Ruah.
Ruah   
Dec 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / Task 1 : The levels of participation in education and science. [3]

Thank you very much Tim , this has been really helpful
I really appreciate the helpful corrections you did , and I would b really thankful if you could have a look at all my essays if you have the time.

Thanks again , and I will try to improve my writing.

Ruah :)
Ruah   
Dec 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / Task 1 : The levels of participation in education and science. [3]

The charts below show the levels of participation in education and science in the developing and industrialised countries in 1980 and 1990.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
you should write at least 150 words.

The charts display the difference in the levels of participation in education and science between the developing and industrialised countries in the years 1980 and 1990.
It is clear that in all 3 charts the industrialised countries have improved in the participation much more than the developing countries.
As shown in the first chart that displays the average years of schooling , in the year 1980 , a regular citizen of an industrialised country would spend about 8 years in school averagely , but fo the developing countries , the average years of schooling is about 2 years. In 1990 , the average years of schooling went throught a slight increase , for the average years of schooling in the industrialised countries has become 11 years instead of 8 , and in the developing countries , it has become 3 instead of 2.

The second chart displays the number of scientists and technicians in every 1000 person in each country. In 1980 , the industrialised countries had about 40 to 45 scientists ans technicians per 1000 people. On the other hand , the developing countries had only 10 per 1000 people. In 1990 , the situation hasn't change a lot for the developing countries , for the number of scientists and technicians per 1000 person was only 5 more than a dacade before , unlike the industrialised countries , therefor the number of scientists and technicians reached an unbelievable number , for they reached about 70 per 1000 people.

The last chart displays the amount of money that has been spent by each country on researches and developments. The industrialised countries spent about 150 billion US $ in 1980 , and 350 billion US $ in 1990. Meanwhile , the developing countries did not spend much on them , for they spent about 50 billion US $ in the year 1980 , and instead of spending more money , they suprisingly lowered the amout they spent a dacade ago and spent half the amount in 1990.

The leves of participation in education and science shown in the charts were actually expected ; since the developing countries , as called "developing" , are still in the process of building up the country and trying to develop it with the little amount of supplies they have in their hands , unlike the industrialised countries who are already developed and they are just continuing to improve their development.
Ruah   
Dec 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / Technology developments kill the traditional skills and ways o living. [4]

It is thought that technology developments in a country is the main reason for the traditional skills and ways of life to die out , and it has become pointless to try and keep them alive. I so very agree with the statment . This can actually be seen in any country nowadays.

In my opinion, we can approve the statment by taking a look at a former situation of any country and the apparent change that has occurred to the country nowadays. For example , the country I live in "K.S.A'' as you can see , before 20 years when the technology was very primitive and not yet developed , people were vey cling to there traditions . It was really uncommon to see people who do not care or even care less about their traditional skills.

Nowadays, the situation is clearly the exact opposite. It has become very common to see people care less about their traditions , and actually it has become very unusuall to see people gathering around to revive their traditions or to pass any of them to their young ones. That is why most of the new generation do not know anything about their grandparents traditions.

I think it is really depressing that by each day passes by it becomes even more difficult to try to keep or revive our traditions that it is believed that it is pointless to even try to hold on to any of our traditions.

In conclusion , we should not allow this to continue and we should try to save whatever traditions we are still holding on to , but we should not stop the development of technology to do this , we can keep on developing technology and still keep our traditional skills and our wys of livng alive.
Ruah   
Dec 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / Do you agree that one should never be judged by their external appearances-fback [4]

Hi , I can see the beauty in your writing but there are some mistakes
-In United States << In the United States.
-black-skinned guy << guys , and in my opinion it is more formal to say people instead of guys.
-the righteous one who << ones.
-However, we should never them << I think there is a missing word between never and them.

well, I'm not sure if these are all the mistakes , but I hope that's it.
great vocabulary .
wish you the best :)

Ruah.
Ruah   
Nov 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / IELTS:Are International Sporting Occasions a Safe Way for Releasing Emotions?? [2]

Most people believe that international sporting occasions , e.g. the football World Cup , are esstential because in their belief, it helps in easing the interntional tensions and it helps release the patriotic emotions in a non-dangerous way. However, I strongly disagree with the statment because I believe that people become more aggressive and hateful towards other citizens of diffierent countries. So, I think it is not a good way to for expressing emotions for several reasons.

First of all, people can get really emotional and attached to their teams that they would put a lot of effort in prmoting their team that if the team lost they would not realize that it is just a game which can lead to a serious case of depression.

Secondly, international sporting occasions such as, The Football World Cup can cause problems in the international affairs. For example, what is happening nowadays between Egypt and Algeria. The Egyptians and Algerians are physically abusing one another.

However, some people do not realize such things and belief that there are no harm feeling after the game and that what happened in the stadium is left in the stadium which clearly is not true at all.

Finally, I believe that the international sporting occasions are not at all a safe way to release patriotic emotions as long as the mentality of the people remains as it is.
Ruah   
Nov 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisement is not a waste of money but an effective method of sales promotion [3]

Hello
First off all , I would like to mention how well written this essay is and the vocabulary was amazing , but I found a grammatical mistake

I just remembered an advertisement I see on the newspaper several days before
<< it is supposed to be saw
well I'm not sure if that's it , but hopefully it is.
wish you the best.

Ruah :)
Ruah   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / my stay in africa and my dad. [14]

Hello
your essay is very nicely written :) , but I wanted to correct some mistakes I found
-Mothers are leaving the house << it is supposed to be their houses.
-to go the farm to << to go to the farm to.
-that her kids << their kids.
I'm not sure these are all the mistakes .
I think your writing is amazing and I hope you improve it more :)
Ruah   
Nov 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Germany, Italy, France, Britain - The Amount Spent on Consumer Goods [5]

The graph displays the amount of money that has been spent on six consumer goods in four diffierent European countries.
Starting in Germany , well it appears that the citizens of Germany prefered spending their money on personal stereos , perfumes and toys rather than spending them on tennis racquets and CDs and photographic films.

Moving on to Italy where the most profitable item was the toys , they made about 159 thousand pounds sterling . CDs and photographic films took second place in the most profitable items , as for the personal stereos , perfumes and the tennis racquets they were not that popular in Italy for they made the least profit out of them.

In France, photographic films were remarkably popular , for they made 165 thousand pounds sterling . Cds and toys were at the same point , both made about 158 thousand pounds sterling. the personal stereos , tennis racquets and perfume did not earn an acceptable profit.

Finally, in Britain , the British were similar to the french for the photographic stereos were the most popular among all other consumer goods , they earned an unbelievable amount of money , they made about 173 thousand pounds sterling . CDs and toys took second place in Britain as well as in France . The profit made out of perfumes in Britain was way ahead of the profit made out of them in France ,for they made 160 thousand pounds sterling in Britain and about 148 thousand pounds sterling in France. The personal stereos and tennis racquets were the less popular.

In conclusion , it shows that all four countries were a bit similar in where to spend their money.