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Posts by yf8651
Joined: Dec 7, 2009
Last Post: Jan 15, 2010
Threads: 16
Posts: 31  

From: China

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Dec 11, 2009
Undergraduate / Tufts Supplement-what voice will you add to the Class of 2014 [5]

Hello, everyone, here are three essays for Tufts.
Please express your feeling about them and proof read them.
Any comment and critique is greatly appreciated.

1.Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014? (200 words)

I love to cook traditional Chinese food. Since elementary school I began to cook dinner for myself because my parents worked late until 7:00 p.m. and they could not prepare food for me before dinner time. Several years later, no longer making the instant noodles or simple cold dishes that could only appease my hunger; I was able to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

Cooking gives me ample opportunities to explore the depth of Chinese culinary art, which emphasizes the perfect combinations of color, smell and taste. I try to create new dishes such as Eggplant and Egg because turning something imaginative in my mind into reality always enchants me. The cooking pleasure comes mostly from my grandmother's kitchen. My grandma still cooks using the traditional Chinese cauldron, three feet in diameter, which can hold food for the whole big family. Usually at her kitchen, I set the wood on fire on the stove and enjoy the picture of fire bouncing happily under the cauldron. After a while, cooking oil begins sputtering in the pot and the sound of oil mixes with the crackle of firewood, making a euphonious symphony. Then, I put the freshly picked vegetables into the wok before a big cloud of steam, fixed with fragrance, arises and fans my face. Such magical experience always brings me into my paradise, where everything is unimportant but cooking.

For the past 18 years, I have already laid a good foundation of Chinese culinary art; I hope to explore cuisines of different cultures in international Tufts University, where I am able to interact with diverse student bodies and to bring my rich cooking skills to the whole Tufts community.

2.Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.(200 words)

Village born and village bred, I have special affections for farmland, sheep and irrigation canals. Except my parent, nearly every other members of my big family make a living by cultivating land in typical Chinese hamlets, with no public facilities and descent buildings but paddies and shabby houses. The farming experience, though hard, shaped my habits and had a positive impact on me.

Since I was young at around ten years old, I had helped my relatives farming in weekends or holidays. Although I was alarmed at the disgusting leeches in the paddy field at first, I took courage to help with farm work after realizing that even my younger cousins worked in the paddy. They were indeed "professional" in farming as they often helped their parents with farm works. Influenced by their good performances, I was not self-satisfied about my small accomplishment and tried to finish my job better.

Though I am studying outside my previous village now, I am sure the experiences of that period will be imprinted on my mind forever. Rural life has turned me into a brave and independent man. What is more, I have got the habit of challenging myself and being better.

3.People face challenges every day. Some make decisions that force them beyond their comfort levels. Maybe you have a political, social, or cultural viewpoint that is not shared by the rest of your school, family, or community. Did you find the courage to create a better opportunity for yourself or others? Were you able to find the voice to stand up for something you passionately supported? How did you persevere when the odds were against you?

Two hours, few ties were sold. Suffering from inexorable sunburn of Shanghai in July, three of us had been peddling hoarse. A member complained, "I cannot bear the organizers of Business Challenge of Fudan University Model United Nations. How can they arrange three of out nine competition teams in such a small public square? It makes selling these bizarre ties even harder."

"How about cooperate with them?" I blurted as pointing those two teams wandering over there. "It is absurd. You are taking risk!" my two teammates opposed immediately, "We are taking part in the competition, not the mutual aid game." Believing my view to be right, I replied, "I discovered that people who showed not interests to ties of one team were soon approached by other teams. As all our ties are the same, from the organizing committee, other teams cannot win those show-no-interests people easily, making such actions the waste of time and energy. Cooperation is beneficial for all three teams as it will expand the team scale and selling efficiency." Impressed by my logic, the other two members showed their interests and supports. We got to the other two teams and expressed out sincerity. Before long, a super team came into being.

Our three-people "irregular army" involved into nine-people "regular army" with collective ties, intelligence and clearly defined labor. Because of adequate hands, we were able to carry out our sell more easily. Using a long-narrow no drawer table borrowed from a nearby shop, we set up our "stronghold" at one corner of the square. Our big "squad" soon attracted people's attentions and the dealing carried on unexpectedly smoothly. Within an hour and a half, we sold all the thirty seven ties. At last, we three teams were tied for first place among all the nine teams.

I was proud of that cooperation, which saved three disadvantaged teams.

These three essays are time-cunsuming to finish reading. Appreciate your time and comment.
Dec 11, 2009
Undergraduate / Why engineering-an experience that sparked your interest in engineering [6]

please proof read it and tell me about the quality of writing.
Any comment or criticism is welcomed.

Prompt: Describe an experience that sparked your interest in engineering.

My interest in engineering, environmental engineering actually comes from a river near my house originally. Flowing into Grand Canal, the river is encompassed by wheat fields stretching to the horizon. The small river was my relaxation heaven. Early in the morning many years ago, I would jog along the riverside through footpath dotted with beautiful wild flowers. The view of poplars across the river faded in and out of the refreshing morning mist in front of my eyes, giving me an impression of wonderland.

However, several years later, everything about the river changed. A chemical factory was set up near the river. Slowly, the pristine river became feculent; beautiful flowers and refreshing mist that I got so accustomed to eventually disappeared. Witnessing the bad environment condition of the river, my heart was broken. I really hoped to stop the river from deterioration, but with little knowledge about environmental engineering, I could do nothing but felt sorry for it. After that painful experience, I realized the importance of environmental engineering, a useful subject that helped preserve good environment and create better living habitat for all the species. Out of interest, I began to explore the realm of engineering by reading Juvenile Science and other science magazines. Through the massive reading, I learned much knowledge about engineering, but the rudimentary information I received gave me more puzzles and triggered my burning desire to discover more about engineering in the university.

Now, I occasionally go to the river from my childhood. The falling river takes me back to those bygone days when I went there for inspirations of writing or math problems on sunny or drizzling days, when clear ripples and endless rippling wheat created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop. The river was an indispensable part of my life. I really hope I could cure it someday.
Dec 11, 2009
Undergraduate / "wonders of science and engineering" - Engineering, essay for the Duke University [5]

Personlly, I like your essay very much!

Here is my tip.
As to "What really appealed to me was the academic and research opportunities readily available on campus", I think you can tell more details about that like some excellent academic programs or research opportunities. Also,try to show what you will contribute to Duke. A good "why essay" need to be specific and sincere.

Good luck!!
Dec 11, 2009
Undergraduate / Duke Engineering Supplement Essays - why this school and activities besides studying [7]

You had better give more details on "why you would like to study at Duke." Your only mention that "At Duke, my resources will be unlimited" in the third paragraph. That is not enough.

You need to tell people why you want to study at Duke by using specific reasons like its outstanding program or extracurricular activities or its ample intership opportunity. Do not use bacis information that anyone else can write.

Remember, your task is to tell AOs that you are more suitable for Duke than others through your essay.

Good luck!
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / "My father" - essay topic #3-an important person and the impact on you [8]

Please proof read it. Any feedback or critcism is greatly appreciated.
I am concerned about the length of this essay(about 850 words). Do you think it lacks readability because of its length. Do you think some detail needs to be removed or added.

Thanks a lot in advance.

Prompt:Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

"I did it! I was admitted by that high school" After knowing the news, I rejoiced with happy tears. Having conquered the toughest barrier this time, I was one step closer to my dream held for five years. Yes, it was a dream having occupied me for five years, a dream that would never be proposed without the help of my father.

My father is my first and most significant mentor in my life, who, in my mind, symbolizes wisdom, charm and experience. Although he is just an unknown middle school teacher, he has exerted the most positive influence on me with his unbelievably broad and distinctive perspective.

Seven years ago, when I was watching the documentary film of Famous Universities around the World, my father asked me "which university would you like to go". I replied, "Well, as long as I am admitted into a university, I will be satisfied. I have thought of the most prestigious universities such as Tsinghua and Peking University in China, but you know these universities are impossible for me to get in. They are even not real in my world since they are all in big cities thousands of miles away from my isolated small village." My father moved his lips but uttered no word. The conversation gradually faded away from my memory since I was soon preoccupied with planning my summer vacation three months later.

To my great surprise, my father intended to take me to Beijing during my holiday. It was marvelous for me! Never had I ever been to anywhere 100 miles away from my small town, not to say the capital city 1000 miles away, I was eager to explore the outside world. "It would be my first time to live in a luxurious hotel." I imagined with great joy on the train to Beijing. However, I was shocked to see a shabby basement lodging room inside the well-known Tsinghua University. The moldy taste spreading over the dark room was a great contrast to the freshly mown grass on campus. "What a hell it is! How could you arrange such a room for me?" I shouted. Hearing my complaint, he calmly began his "preaching", "You need to know that in order to arrange this travel for you, the whole family is suffering from financial burden. So it is gratitude rather than complaint that you ought to express for this invaluable experience. Think about your cousin, who might still be grazing the sheep or helping cultivate the land for your uncle. Actually, just like George Bernard Shaw said before, 'The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, they make them. ' " Hearing what he said, I stood still near the door for a long time, lost in meditation. Indeed, I need to be thankful. Anyway, the better life of one person is not created by others but by one's own hands.

In the next few days, I wandered around in picture-like campus of Tsinghua with my father. Each part of the campus came into my eyes, frame by frame, like a scroll of film being pulled open slowly. One frame was two people playing badminton, my favorite sport, in a modern gymnasium. Another one was a woman reading a book in concentration between a mirror-like lake and a poetic hill. These frames depicted my ideal life exactly. "I have a hunch that I am supposed to study here." I blurted out these words as my father was taking pictures around campus. "Great, then follow your heart. Set it as your goal if you really like Tsinghua. You said Tsinghua was not real in your world before but now you are here and you see, something that seemed impossible is not necessarily so."

Back from the trip, the dream of learning in Tsinghua University got rooted in my heart. With the guidance of the goal, I kept making progress. From an isolated village's kindergarten to a town's elementary school, from a small city's middle school to an international city's well-known high school, all steps forward, inconceivable in others' eyes, were natural for me since they are the integral components of my dream.

Finally, I managed to get into one of the most prestigious high schools in China. Becoming more sophisticated and experienced, I have gradually found that Tsinghua University is not what I really want and universities in the United States suit me more. I like universities that offer exciting broad range of courses. I like universities where philosophies and the ways of thinking of different people from around the world work upon and depend on one another. These are what is emphasized in the universities of the United States but what lacks in those of China. Though it seems that my five-year dream might never come true if I study abroad, it does not matter as I still stick to the principle behind my goal, a principle that was formed under the influence of my father: never giving up your dream.