Undergraduate / Why Ohio State? -Words from a Wolverine [4]

I am applying to Ohio State. the prompt is Why did you choose to apply to Ohio State? What do you think about this? Here is my response:

My decision to apply to The Ohio State was one of unique circumstances. Reigning from Metro-Detroit, from the wee beginnings of my life, I have been an almost religious fan of the Wolverines. The walls of my room are maize and blue, and the iconic block "M" has dominated my existence. Despite all this, I was ready to apply to OSU.

All bias placed aside, I had to do only what was best for my future, and Ohio State is what is best. I plan to major in engineering for my undergraduate education, and I also plan on pursuing my graduate degree. I have chosen Ohio State University primarily because of the vast resources available for to undergraduate students for research. After getting in touch with the Peer Research Contact for the Electrical/Computer Engineering Department, I was even more impressed with the opportunities available. My dream is to build a computer that will change the world in a way so monumental, that people take it for granted, much as the way the Internet has become an integral part of American society. This computer would inevitably be smaller and faster than anything that has come before it, and would be an essential to everyday life. This computer could only be built through advancements in microelectronics, particularly solid state microelectronics, which have yet to become as efficient as traditional computer components. With this research already being conducted at the undergraduate level, I can begin presenting my ideas and conducting research immediately.

And so I, the die-hard Wolverines fan, am willing to become a Buckeye in pursuance of a dream, in hopes that it would soon become a reality.

Undergraduate / Common App Activity and Essay Prompt: Key Club/ Autobiography of Jun/Sr yr of HS [6]

My Activity Essay (150 words):

When I joined Key Club International my sophomore year, I wasn't sure what I was getting into; I was simply told that it looks good when applying to college. I soon realized that it would be one of the things that would define my life in high school and my life after high school as well. I discovered that I had a knack for helping others and that I really truly enjoy it. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to run for President my junior year and I succeeded. I was able to further my leadership skills and delve into my passion for helping others, organizing very large and very successful service projects and charity events. I took great pride in the events I partook in Key Club and I cannot wait to be involved in community service in college and beyond.

Word Count:144

Essay prompt, Topic of your choice:

You have just completed your 300 page autobiography; please submit page 217.

...and it is something I still regret to this day. Walking into the same class the next year was very embarrassing and it led to some very peculiar looks on the faces of my peers, but who did I have to blame other than myself? I had gotten a 5 on the AP exam for this very class last year, and yet I was retaking it. AP Calculus AB had been easy for me, and that's why I took the BC exam in May, the same year I failed, and scored a 4.

And with my well known test scores, I walked into class greeted happily by my friends, until they realized that I was in the same class as they were asking me, "Stickel! What are you doing in this class?" I would hang my head low and inform everyone that I had failed the second semester and was retaking the class to improve my GPA; when they asked me what my GPA was, my answer was just as dismal. All this came as a great surprise to my friends, as I did not exactly let everyone know that I rarely did my homework, and that I my disorganized state caused me to lose assignments, including those which I had already completed. And now that I was in AP Calculus again, my cover was blown, and everyone knew my secret.

I would go on to do well in AP Calculus AB my junior year, concurrently pursuing an independent study of multivariable calculus, learning multivariable calculus and so much more under the guidance of my favorite teacher, Mrs. Bilinski. That March, I took the ACT, and was dissatisfied with my performance, and so decided to retake the test in April. Soon after the April test date, I received my March scores to find that I had gotten a 32, and I was ecstatic because I knew I had done vastly better on the April exam. When the April scores came in, I found that I had received a 34, the highest of anyone in my class.

CHAPTER XII: Senior Year

My senior year started out the same as it had every other year, only with harder classes and even higher expectations. The highest of these expectations from my peers and my family was the school that I was going to attend next fall. I had a handful of schools that I wanted to attend, and then there were the schools that everyone else thought I was going to attend. However, with my GPA hovering around a 3.0, there were many schools that were now out of the question, but I finally decided upon the schools I was going to apply to.

I started by filling out all the applications, filling out the application to my number one school, RPI, first and then filling out the rest. Upon completion of the applications, I began on my essays, which would prove to be months of struggling to write essays that would in some way justify my failures, and convince the schools to give me a chance. I was asking a lot from them; I was asking them to accept me, a student with unlimited potential and desire to learn, but had not proved his intelligence where it mattered most- the grades. I proved myself on my AP exams, scoring all 5's and a 4. I tried many different approaches to every essay, and finally I found the best approach. The essay was open-ended, and so I discovered a prompt that I believed could turn the tables, an autobiography. I wrote the essay and was very satisfied with the results. I put the final touches on my applications and sent them in.

I waited with anticipation for nearly two months for my admission decisions to come in. Then, one day, I happened to check the mail on the kitchen counter, and there it was. The seal of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute stared back at me. Hands trembling, I slowly opened the letter. Never in my life was the word "congratulations" so meaningful! My chance had finally come to prove to the world that I could be someone- someone who is organized and meets deadlines. From my mistakes I have learned and I will continue to learn to be the person that I know I should be, and that person has dreams, passions, ideas, and big plans. My plans to change the world, encompassing the new me, will be...

Word Count:744

Do you have any suggestions? I would be more than happy to review your essay if I find your comments helpful:)

Undergraduate / SLU: Most Influential person- The Fabled Mrs. Bilinski [8]

The Prompt:

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

My Essay:

Throughout high school I have met many different people. Some people I regret meeting. Some people I am glad to have met, but they don't have much significance in my life. Then there are a select few individuals that I am truly grateful to have met. Among all of these people, however, there is only one person that I can say truly influenced my life in a very big way. It wasn't a friend, not of the usual sort any ways, but a teacher. My math teacher, Mrs. Bilinski is the most influential person of my high school career.

...and it is something I still regret to this day. Walking into the same class the next year was very embarrassing and it led to some very peculiar looks on the faces of my peers, but who did I have to blame other than myself? I had gotten a 5 on the AP exam for this very class last year, and yet I was retaking it. AP Calculus AB had been easy for me, and that's why I took the BC exam in May, the same year I failed, and scored a 4.

And with my well known test scores, I walked into class, greeted happily by my friends, until they realized that I was in the same class as they were asking me, "Stickel! What are you doing in this class?" I would hang my head low and inform everyone that I had failed the second semester and was retaking the class to improve my GPA; when they asked me what my GPA was, my answer was just as dismal. All this came as a great surprise to my friends, as I did not exactly let everyone know that I rarely did my homework, and that I my disorganized state caused me to lose assignments, including those which I had already completed. And now that I was in AP Calculus again, my cover was blown, and everyone knew my secret.

I would go on to do well in AP Calculus AB my junior year, concurrently pursuing an independent study of multivariable calculus, learning multivariable calculus and so much more under the guidance of my favorite teacher, Mrs. Bilinski. That March, I took the ACT, and was dissatisfied with my performance, and so decided to retake the test in April. Soon after the April test date, I received my March scores to find that I had gotten a 32, and I was ecstatic because I knew I had done vastly better on the April exam. When the April scores came in, I found that I had received a 34, the highest of anyone in my class.

CHAPTER XII: Senior Year

My senior year started out the same as it had every other year, only with harder classes and even higher expectations. The highest of these expectations from my peers and my family was the school that I was going to attend next fall. I had a handful of schools that I wanted to attend, and then there were the schools that everyone else thought I was going to attend. However, with my GPA hovering around a 3.0, there were many schools that were now out of the question, but I finally decided upon the schools I was going to apply to.

I started by filling out all the applications, filling out the application to my number one school, RPI, first and then filling out the rest. Upon completion of the applications, I began on my essays, which would prove to be months of struggling to write essays that would in some way justify my failures, and convince the schools to give me a chance. I was asking a lot from them; I was asking them to accept me, a student with unlimited potential and desire to learn, but had not proved his intelligence where it mattered most- the grades. I proved myself on my AP exams, scoring all 5's and a 4. I tried many different approaches to every essay, and finally I found the best approach. The essay was open-ended, and so I discovered a prompt that I believed could turn the tables, an autobiography. I wrote the essay and was very satisfied with the results. I put the final touches on my applications and sent them in.

I waited with anticipation for nearly two months for my admission decisions to come in. Then, one day, I happened to check the mail on the kitchen counter, and there it was. The seal of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute stared back at me. Hands trembling, I slowly opened the letter. Never in my life was the word "congratulations" so meaningful! My chance had finally come to prove to the world that I could be someone- someone who is organized and meets deadlines. From my mistakes I have learned and I will continue to learn to be the person that I know I should be, and that person has dreams, passions, ideas, and big plans. My plans to change the world, encompassing the new me, will be...

Could anyone offer me some ideas for revision? I plan on rewriting my intro; I know it is weak, so if you have any ideas for that, that would be helpful as well, and as always, I would love to review some of your essays as well:)

Writing Feedback / Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute: They say I impacted the 21st century... [8]

They'll say I impacted the 21st century by my work in...

But they allowed you to make up your own topic, so this is basically the question I answered, but not exactly. I feel what I am saying is very redundant, I have 1-2 pages to work with here, so I don't feel stressed on length. Could you review this and give me some suggestions?

My Essay:

The world is entering a new era; it is an era of change. The people who lead this era must be able to embrace the change, and to be the change. The changes will be a result of the creativity of the new generation, creating technologies to better the world we live in. But my generation is unable to do it on creativity alone, real change requires motivation, stimulation, and inspiration. Special experiences can motivate, stimulate, and inspire a young individual, such as me, to realize their dream, potential, and place in the world.

When I arrived at the Westin in downtown Detroit, I didn't know what to expect. I was in an environment that was totally new to me, surrounded by prominent business people such as Bill Ford, and the presidents of distinguished local colleges and universities. Despite the fact that it was all new to me, I felt very comfortable and I waited with anticipation for Dr. Jackson to speak. After enjoying lunch and dessert, it was time for the speech to begin, and when the crowd silenced, she began to give a speech that would change my life forever.

The speech as a whole wasn't directed at me, as a student, but the overall message was universal. I took the message of "expediting serendipity" to heart and I realized then what I am here to do, both now and in the future. As she spoke, with each sentence she orated, I became more aware of the world around me and of what I need to do in order to improve the future milieu of the earth, while still doing what I am passionate about.

While I am in college I will engage in research that will, under the most favorable conditions, change the world. Serendipity will play a large role in changing the world, because while planning to change is a proven method, it is slow; it is what happens by chance that most often rapidly and significantly metamorphoses society. My studies in college will prepare me to recognize and act upon any chance that I may be presented with in the future, and to "exploit [my] research results to drive innovation..." and by doing that I would inevitably change the world (Rensselaer Plan). With motivation, stimulation, and inspiration, provided both by me, my colleagues, and my professors, I can exploit and expedite the innovation process in furtherance of the Rensselaer Plan, and living up to the Rensselaer motto: "Why not change the world?"

The question still remains, however: How will they say that I impacted the 21st Century? The truth is that, in fact, I do not know. When I asked the honorable Shirley Ann Jackson, Ph.D. what I should research in order to "expedite serendipity" to make a greater America and a better world, she told me that any answer she would give me now would be irrelevant even one year from now, and even more inapplicable four years from now when I am finished with my undergraduate degree. And what she says is true, Innovation is a result of serendipity, but we are also reminded by the words of Louis Pasteur that "Chance favors the prepared mind." And whether I will or will not change the world is a simple question to answer, but in what way will I change the world is a much more difficult question to answer. I do, however, know how I will change the world: I will be prepared, I will embrace serendipity, I will be motivated, I will be stimulated, and I will be inspired.

Thank You.

Undergraduate / University of Michigan-Ann Arbor : Setback Essay : Failed Calculus Course [3]

[A] Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

It was the last day of school, and I was excited to go home and enjoy the summer. Before leaving, I went to go see how I did on my Calculus final exam, and staring back at Mrs. Bilinski, it was obvious that something wasn't quite right. She had that look in her eye that cannot be explained, but you know it when you see it, and she asks me, "What am I going to do with you?"

As the only sophomore in the class, it was no surprise to anyone that I was less mature than the rest of the juniors and seniors in my class. In addition, two-months before the AP Exam, I decided I was going to take the Calculus BC exam, and that became the primary focus of my life. This was however at the expense of the grades in my other classes. This combination inevitably did me in, and I failed both quarters of the final semester.

So I was wondering, "What is she going to do to me?" I was worried by then, I knew I hadn't done well in the class, but I was really hoping my final exam would be high enough to pull my grade out of the failing range. The truth was I had totally aced the exam, but disappointingly, it wasn't good enough to bring my grade up. Chills ran up my spine and I lost focus of my surroundings as the reality set in that I had lost credit in a class. Almost as if my life had passed before my eyes, I felt like a miserable failure, and made up my mind that I had ruined the rest of my academic life, and possibly so.

And so what was she to do with me? I got my AP scores back in July only to discover I received a 5 on the AB subsection of the BC exam, and a 4 overall. This only reinforced the stupidity of what I had done. I passed the national exam with higher scores than the students who had an A in the class, and yet I was the one retaking the class my junior year.

The experience shed light on how truly important my grades in high school are and how much that they can affect my future. Especially after struggling with my grades again during my junior year, my senior year has become that much more important to me and my future.

And so now the question is what was I to do with myself? And the answer is that I had to change my entire way of doing things. I must work harder than ever to prove to everyone that I will not allow myself to be a failure, and I will live up to the expectations that have been placed upon me. I will not allow my past failures to bring me down and indeed I will succeed.

Is this good?