Posts by to6

to6

Jan 2, 2010

Undergraduate / My mission to give back to struggling communities; My Tutoring Experience [7]

Don't worry so much about the 150 word count. Mine was somewhere around 180 words. Just so long as it fits in the space provided on the commonapp, you should be good!

to6

Jan 2, 2010

Undergraduate / My mission to give back to struggling communities; My Tutoring Experience [7]

"After school, I visit an elementary school near Stuyvesant High School to tutor students"

After school every day? After school once a week? You need to clarify how often you go to tutor.

to6

Jan 2, 2010

Undergraduate / Summer of books and literature - Texas A&M essay topic A [5]

"noble peace prize winner"
Just a spelling/capitalization correction. Change it to "Nobel Peace Prize winner.

to6

Jan 1, 2010

Undergraduate / 'Naturally indicisive person' - Why Duke? [7]

Prompt: If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

I'm an indecisive person by nature. Simple tasks such as picking what to order off a menu or selecting my classes for the next school year often take slightly longer than usual. However, when it comes to what college I want to attend (which is a consequentially larger decision than what I eat for dinner), there is no doubt in my mind that Duke is the ideal school for me. Everything about Duke fits what I am looking for: an innovative and interactive curriculum, a diverse and intimate student body, unrivaled school spirit, an outstanding basketball team, and, most importantly, a central focus on helping others.

For me, DukeEngage is the most exciting and admirable program at the university, and is what ultimately made my decision an easy one. Throughout several summers, I was able to get a taste for both local and international community service work, and I would like nothing more than to continue that work while I am in college. With its extensive resources and steadfast support from other students, DukeEngage would enable me to realize my dreams, on an even larger scale than I could have ever imagined. If possible, I would love to aid in starting a group project in Fiji, as my positive experiences with the locals left me with a desire to return to the South Pacific and continue helping its beautiful communities. Duke has everything that I could ever need in order to succeed, and because of that I am confident that choosing Duke will be the best decision I have ever made.

All suggestions are welcome/needed! Thank you!

to6

Jan 1, 2010

Undergraduate / "don't set off a fire extinguisher" - What would you tell your Future Roommate? [5]

I really like it as well, nice job!

Just one comment:

"So Mr. Future Roommate, as long as you don't set off a fire extinguisher or (somehow) flood our dorm, I'll be happy to have you as a roommate ."

Maybe change this second "roommate" to a synonym (bunkmate, etc.). Having the word twice in one sentence sounds a little off to me. You could even just change it to " I'll be happy to live with you."

to6

Jan 1, 2010

Undergraduate / Common App significant experience essay: My first horse show [3]

"Though she was terribly lazy and incredibly sassy, when she didn't get her way, I loved her."

You can omit that comma.

"That's an accomplishment. So we entered the third class and final class with a positive attitude and the objective to just have fun."

Something about this doesn't flow. Maybe change it to something along the lines of "That's an accomplishment in itself. So instead of dreaming of blue ribbons and championship trophies, we entered the third and final class with a positive attitude and the objective to just have fun."

As an equestrian myself, you did a good job of describing the showing process. I can relate to all of the hours of preparation that goes into showing in a class that lasts five minutes!

to6

Dec 10, 2009

Undergraduate / "I am an equestrian." - Common App Activity Essay [3]

Thank you all so much, you have no idea how much this helped. This is my revised draft after taking all of your comments into consideration.

I spend 4 days a week, 3 hours per visit, working and bonding with a hairy, 1.5-ton mass of mighty muscle.

[...] a headstrong animal that speaks a language worlds apart from English. While it may not always be easy, the little victories, such as a perfect jump or simply a neigh "hello" when my horse recognizes me, assure me that all of my hard work is worthwhile.

to6

Dec 10, 2009

Undergraduate / "I am an equestrian." - Common App Activity Essay [3]

I have to submit this tonight and I need editing help/any other suggestions.
Thank you!

I spend 4 days a week, 3 hours a visit, working and bonding with a hairy, 1.5 ton mass of pure muscle. I am an equestrian.
The moment my Aunt Judy hoisted me onto her grey mare's broad back ten years ago, I knew that, whatever it took, I had to make horse back riding a part of my life. And that is just what I did. Progressing from weekly riding lessons to finally owning a horse of my very own, I worked endlessly to pursue my passion. Mucking stalls. Auditing lessons. Riding inexperienced horses. I did, and still do, whatever it takes to become a better athlete. However, dedication means sacrifice and persistence: skipping a school dance to travel to a horse show and never quitting trying to communicate with a headstrong animal that speaks a language worlds away from English.