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Posts by shannon92
Joined: Dec 12, 2009
Last Post: Feb 18, 2010
Threads: 15
Posts: 74  

From: United States

Displayed posts: 89 / page 3 of 3
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shannon92   
Dec 17, 2009
Graduate / pursue MBA - its an essay about myself ..i m weak in vocabulary. [20]

I'm sorry but you need to remove ALL of the ellipse's (...). Is this supposed to be a formal essay? It seems like a thought piece currently. It's a rambling about your life- what is your main point? What are you trying to say about yourself?
shannon92   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / "Stay. I love you, but if it hurts to live, then go.", New to college essays [10]

Wow this is an amazing piece. You are a very good writer and you can tell a lot about your emotional side/what he means to you. I would say however you need to work on incorporating yourself into your essay. How has he impacted you? What has this inspired you to do? Why is he the most influential person in your life? Good job though
shannon92   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / I dwell in the beauty and power of words. UW undergrad essay. [6]

cant post yet so im responding to yours. I LOVE THIS ESSAY. It's like a collaboration of all of your ideas from the past couple of months into an amazingly cohesive, cute and really revealing story about your relationship with words. GOOD JOB RYRY
shannon92   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / 'San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge' - makes Stanford a good place for you? [13]

-Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

Sitting atop a cliff at the Marin Headlands, overlooking the lights of San Francisco, I couldn't help but ask myself: why would I want to leave this beautiful place? While I'm not too different from the average high school student in the regard that I, too am looking for a new experience, but for me, a new experience means Stanford. I am intrigued by Stanford's liberal art aspect and its connection with its graduate schools, as well as the many interdisciplinary studies offered, culminating in an expansive wealth of resources and opportunities.

The Science, Technology and Society Program is exactly the academic program that I've been looking for. My avid interests in science, law and math could only be satiated by this unique interdisciplinary program and let me avoid compromising my academic interests. Rather than devoting myself to one field of study, I would rather explore the interaction of science and society and the effects of technology on the world. I plan to flourish in the liberty of academic exploration and through STS, I will gain a comprehensive education while working closely with professors on engaging research.

I feel strongly that Stanford is the perfect place for my many future intellectual pursuits and that the STS program will give me both the freedom and support to help me discover my career goals. While there are other universities offering similar programs, only Stanford encourages such a high level of intellectual curiosity and discovery. At Stanford, I will be surrounded by and exposed to a new world of perspectives and expertise while staying in the amazing area in which I've had the privilege of growing up. Surely Stanford is merely an hour away from home, but it is an entirely different world which I would be blessed to be a part of.
shannon92   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences Supplement-- What Should I Fix? [3]

Good job! I really liked this essay...it's both concise and interesting.

"The power of words"- nothing wrong with this, I've just seen a lot of essays say this exact thing

"I could combine my passions with practicality" ... this sounds a little odd- id try to rephrase so its less ambivalent

Instead of saying, "for more than just a mediocre undergraduate discipline", say something positive to avoid an almost double negative

nice work
shannon92   
Dec 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "my family belongs to a catholic religion" [7]

I'm sorry, but this essay sounds really childish beyond the grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. When you start talking about Satan it really gets bad... If this is a college essay, it says nothing about you besides your simplistic views of two different religions and your realization about Satan. I think you'd do best by starting from scratch- sorry.
shannon92   
Dec 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "I am not legally able to vote yet" - Stanford Essays [28]

So, I'm not sure if this essay is even in the right ballpark/if I should find a new topic or not. Thanks!

-Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging. (250)

"The unexamined life is not worth living."-Socrates.

These words have resonated with me ever since I first heard them. This statement poses a challenge, questioning the nature of our human tendency to examine the world around us, and provoke thoughts about whether our use of technology is beneficial to society. Although the accrual of knowledge is both dangerous and unprecedented, I believe that it is more important for us to aspire to step outside our self defined "natural" borders and accept the drawbacks of technology than to sit back and be ignorant and naive to the world around us. The thirst for knowledge is only dangerous if it is reckless and purposeless.

In the novel Frankenstein, Victor irresponsibly seeks after knowledge for no good other than his own curiosity. This ruthless pursuit of knowledge proves dangerous, as his creation results in the destruction of his loved ones and drives him to insanity. Indeed Frankenstein shows us how the reckless lust for knowledge can prove dangerous, yet it doesn't say that knowledge should simply not be sought after. If we aren't willing to take any risks or make any sacrifices, society will never improve.

In an article by Neil Postman, "Informing Ourselves to Death," Postman asserts that technological change always results in winners and losers, and that technological innovations such as the computer are incredibly dangerous. However, I feel that technology becomes dangerous when people use it for their own personal gain rather than the good of society. Postman ends with the compelling thought which many prominent intellectuals have reached: "There is no escaping from ourselves. The human dilemma is as it has always been, and we solve nothing fundamental by cloaking ourselves in technological glory." While an overload of information and technological glory are not crucial to our most basic needs, if we never look for anything greater than ourselves then we will never be so grateful for having what we do have, and ultimately it is a life "unworth living."

Despite the fact that Prometheus tales have been taught to us since day one about he who tried to play God and failed miserably, we must consider the fact that those who were willing to step outside what people consider their natural boundaries learn something very valuable whether or not they find what they are looking for. If responsibly sought after, it can either make us more grateful for having what we already have, or lead us to new innovations that help solve problems and expand the boundaries of the natural human world.

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