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Posts by kkrulez3001
Joined: Dec 13, 2009
Last Post: Jan 3, 2010
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  


Displayed posts: 10
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kkrulez3001   
Jan 3, 2010
Faq, Help / How do I ask a moderator to read and edit my essay? [11]

I've posted many essays online and many have gotten deleted (they were my mistake, I never noticed the warning at the top of the thread for the titles) but none have ever gotten edited by a moderator. How do I ask a moderator to edit an essay for me? My Brown deadline is tomorrow and I was hoping to somehow get a moderator to edit it.

Thanks.
kkrulez3001   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / BU three words: My dwarf name. [4]

In contrast of the real story the dwarfs are named like how they act throughout the story. I laugh!

In contrast to the real story, the dwarfs were named like how they acted throughout the story. I laughed! the i laughed is unnecessary

characteristics; from "guero"

should be characteristics:

in infinite number of ways by my friends

in AN infinite number of ways by my friends.

I think I don't have a "dwarf name" because I cannot be described in one word. H

I do not think I have... etc.

However these describers of my persona are characteristics without which I would not be a leader, friend, son, and brother.

this entire sentence is weird.
kkrulez3001   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Columbia univeristy- the circumstances of my upbringing [5]

Wow thanks so much for your edits. They definitely improved my essay.
I just wanted to comment on

ou can take the start of the journey back further, starting in Mumbai?

Right now, I have 471 words (I realized the money thing was irrelevant, so I got rid of it and it saved me so many words). I don't really want to go into the story in Mumbai because it's very personal, and it would take up a lot of room. Do you think it's fine without it as well?

Thanks again and I'll take a look at your short essays.
kkrulez3001   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Columbia univeristy- the circumstances of my upbringing [5]

Write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world - the people in it, events great and small, everyday life - or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to approximately 250-500 words (or 1-2 pages).

This is currently 531 words, I'm not sure if I should cut it down because it does also say or 1-2 pages. However, if you do find things to cut down, I would be extremely grateful. Thanks so much! I'll return the favor and edit essays!

JFK International Airport seemed enormous and clean to my six year old eyes, eyes which had only seen the disorganized chaos of the Mumbai International Airport. "Mommy, look at all the foreigners!" I exclaimed. My mom gave me a tired smile and gave my hand a squeeze as she guided my brothers, fifteen year old Craig and ten year old Karl, and me into the bright April sunlight of New York City. The air was crisp and cool, free of the smog I had gotten used to in the air of Mumbai. Due to marital problems, my mother had just left my father and started a journey with her three children, one that would take her from a small physical therapy office in Queens to a booming practice of her own.

My mother left the success she had built for herself in India and came to New York to make a better life for her children. Because she wanted a lot for us, she very regularly worked from eight in the morning to ten at night from Mondays to Saturdays and I would often not see her throughout the week. My brothers cared for me, making sure I ate and went to bed on time, but they too were young to do everything and first had to take care of themselves. I had to find my own ways to entertain myself and to take care of my schoolwork, but I was able to succeed because I had my mother has a role model.

Because of my upbringing, I am a lot more independent and hardworking than I probably could have been had I been brought up any other way, and I know the true value of a dollar. To fill up my free time, I often found ways to entertain myself, from building forts and having tea parties with my stuffed animals to exploring the neighborhood and finding new friends. I also had to take care of my schoolwork on my own and did not have the luxury of having my mother check my homework every night, as teachers often recommended parents do. However, I emulated my mother and tried to work as hard as possible so I could be like her, and did not let the fact that I had to do all my work on my own hinder me. I made my own diorama of the African savanna, did multiple science fair projects in elementary school, including one in which I created a heating and cooling system out of cardboard, and wrote many essays on my own. Seeing my mother struggle to save money taught me to be careful with money, and I saved my five dollar a month allowance religiously and got a job as soon as I was allowed to in high school.

I refuse to give anyone the opportunity to cite my upbringing with a single mother as a negative, because to me, it was a learning experience that I would not trade for anything. I would not be the person I am today had it not been for my mother raising me up as she did, and I am thankful for the sacrifices she made.
kkrulez3001   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Brown University Best Advice I've Ever Gotten Supplement [NEW]

What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why? 500 words or less

I grew up critiquing myself. My nose was too big and often ruined pictures. I was too short and my stomach was never flat enough, especially compared to the models gracing the pages of magazines and the Jennifer Aniston look-a-likes walking down the streets of Manhattan. I desperately wanted to be blonde, blue eyed and fair skinned, and in many of my daydreams, I replaced my brown eyes, black hair and olive skin with the traits I desired. I never knew where these insecurities came from, but I was never good enough and thought I would be happier if I could "fix myself."

One day, my mother saw me peering into the mirror in my room. "You're beautiful, Kimmy, and you're getting more gorgeous as the days go by," she said proudly as she stroked my hair.

I scoffed, saying, "You're my mother, you would never tell me the truth. My hair is curly and never wants to behave," and I continued, listing all my perceived faults.

My mother looked at me in the mirror. "Do you not see your beauty? There isn't one type of beautiful, you know. People pay to get curly hair like yours; how boring would it be if everyone had straight hair? And your nose is perfect; it compliments your big, brown eyes and long eyelashes. Anything else would not have made you as beautiful as you are."

I smiled at my mom and shook my head, but thanked her. She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, "You are perfect just the way you are." She left my room and I once again examined my face in the mirror. Maybe things were not as bad as they seemed. My mom was right; I had always liked my eyes. And my nose did not seem so big when I considered my entire face. I always had the option to straight my dark, curly hair and it served as the perfect frame for my face. The olive skin I once hated allowed me to make quick trips outside without having to worry about getting sunburned, and the color was a perfect complement to many of the colors I loved to wear.

That moment I had with my mother forever changed the outlook I had of myself, as well as of the world around me. Instead of immediately considering the negatives of things, I learned to appreciate the differences I saw and the diversity they provided. The bugs that I used to scream and run from became the small creatures that served as the base of the entire environment with the most intricate features I had ever seen. The rainy day I once loathed because it did not allow me to play outside became the much needed break from the heat and made my street a free water park. I was finally able to look into the mirror and be pleased with what I saw, instead of always wishing for what I did not have.

Do you think this essay would be appropriate for Villanova's prompt?: One of the core values of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine, is that students and faculty learn from each other. As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others?
kkrulez3001   
Dec 29, 2009
Poetry / "untouched from pain" - Poem for NYU [4]

I am untouched from pain by pain
like a bird in an Oak
born through love
I become a dove, a little cliched?
the symbol of peace

instead of free verse, which is a little harder to do, why dont you try the limmerick or haiku? i went the route of the haiku.

can you please check out my carnegie mellon and nyu supps? thanks!
kkrulez3001   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "healing power of spontaneity" - NYU Supplement [8]

i'm really jealous, i wish i spent my summer like this! only one correction: i wouldn't use "healing" as an adjective, because that made me wonder what you were trying to heal.

can you take a look at my nyu and carnegie mellon supps? thanks!
kkrulez3001   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Macaulay Honors Essay- International Concern (animals) [3]

thanks very much for the edits. i ended up completely redoing my essay in the end though and i was very pleased with the results.

it's great to hear that others are just as passionate as i am about this cause.

i'll definitely take a look at your essays, thanks again!
kkrulez3001   
Dec 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Macaulay Honors Essay- International Concern (animals) [3]

Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance to you (500 words or less)

This is 503 I think. Any suggestions? I need to cut stuff out, but that will come as I make edits. Thanks!

One of my earliest memories of my childhood in India is of entering my aunt's house and being smothered in licks and kisses from all six of her dogs. Rough, Lassie, Spike, Lily, Max, and Paco always provided plenty of entertainment and love, and all seemed to appear in one of the many hungry, homeless dogs I saw lining the streets. They proved to be the root for my passion for animal protection.

Driving through the streets of India, I never failed to see a forlorn dog trying, quite weakly, to get scraps from men and women who passed by. However, no one even seemed to see it lying in the street. It was just another small detail in their everyday lives. After seeing this again when I visited India only a few years ago, I was old enough to realize that something had to be done, and that I could help.

While I would have loved to travel throughout India to promote respect for animals and educate them about the effects they have on wildlife, I simply did not have the means to do so. Instead, I decided to start in my town. While dogs do not line the streets here, shelters are full to the brim with animals waiting to go to loving homes.

Apart from advocating to my friends and family to adopt animals, I realized children younger than I had to learn about the world around them. For this reason, I started to volunteer at the Alley Pond Environmental Center. Not only did I help take care of abandoned animals, such as birds, snakes, ferrets, and turtles, but I was also given the opportunity to teach children about where the animals came from. After telling them about a turtle who got run over by a car after being abandoned by the side of the road, a little boy told me he no longer wanted to buy a turtle because he was not sure he would be able to take care of it. While he was sad that he no longer would get a new companion, I was impressed that he realized the responsibility that comes along with buying or adopting an animal, a fact many do not consider. People are charmed by the idea of having something to love them, but then realize the responsibility is too large. They abandon them, just like the turtle with the scars on its shell.

Every time I see my dog, Molly, I am reminded of the many dogs I left behind in India. There are still dogs lying on the street, waiting for a home, but for now there is little I can do but help one animal at a time. Molly was rescued from a puppy mill, my turtle, Mikey, given to us from a woman who no longer could care for him. The work that still has to be done to save the world's animals is astounding but I realize that results can only come one step at a time.
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