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Posts by alyssadlee
Joined: Dec 30, 2009
Last Post: Feb 15, 2010
Threads: 4
Posts: 9  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 13
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alyssadlee   
Feb 15, 2010
Undergraduate / professional admission to undergraduate business school, why I should be part of [4]

You don't have to be involved in a thousand things to offer something to this school. Of course, nowadays everyone is president of this club or creating this animal shelter or saving this life or traveling to this country or landing on the moon or whatever but you don't need those things to have something to contribute! Like Randyhl said, even if you did do a lot of activities or you were committed to one job, it's not those things you're showing off. It's why YOU did them or how they affected YOU. It's YOU that you are focusing on in all of this so don't be afraid to write... your feelings, what's in your head. Why do you want to be in business? Did you learn anything from your jobs? That you liked them, that you didn't like them? What are your opinions? :)
alyssadlee   
Feb 15, 2010
Undergraduate / USC Transfer Essay - What Matters To Me and Why? Environmental Internship Essay [9]

Wow, this certainly is an amazing experience and makes for an incredible essay. I wish you the best and I hope to offer some sort of help.

The days that followedbrought caused thousands of casualties, burning of buildings and widespread bigotry.

The chaotic experience further motivated me to have a better understanding of the relationship between politics and community.

I see Political Science as an opportunity to gain knowledge about public policy and to help better contribute to my community as an international lawyer.

I saw moving to America and attending community college as a great opportunity to work towards achieving my aspirations, while growing more as a person.

Overall, it's very strong, wonderfully written, and I can tell it's very personal. I commend your for your second-to-last paragraph because it's the only instance where you take something very specific and expand on its overall influence. The first two paragraphs were definitely necessary and strong and provided good background but the one after (starting with "I have begun working") is weak to me. You need to show rather than say. Of course they expect that if you want to be an international lawyer or if you attended such a conference, you would "opened my eyes to current global issues and developed my analytical thinking in generating solutions...enriched my understanding of international problems, increased my awareness of the significance of collaboration and most importantly, taught me how important it is to have a voice." What I mean is, all those things you said are very general. Of course they are true to you but they're so general that they would expect that of you since you're saying that political science is your passion. You have to have all those things already. You need to bring a new voice to it or take a real specific time when you were challenged to think and you used your skills and your passions for some solution or something. Show, don't tell. :)

Anyway, much luck! I think as it is, it's very strong so I hope I don't sound too critical. I just know you want to offer the best essay you can. ^_^
alyssadlee   
Feb 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "I can be the person I dream of" - Common App. Macalester Supplement. [5]

I can tell that you drew from that last line of instruction about drawing on past experiences but your first paragraph is so jarring and has relatively little to do with the rest. The connection between that line about the clash of intolerance and then at the end about the small classes creating a "tolerant and inspiring atmosphere" is there but it feels forced. I wouldn't mind so much except that first line is just so jarring and hits you in the face too much to not be commented on more. I would say to get rid of it if you want to keep the rest of it, which I think you do because that's what you chose to focus on. :) The rest isn't bad but it should all be related together.

Now I'm going to make a few changes. :)

The immense culture clash of intolerance crippled my excitement to meet new people and tomake my college a comfortable place to be .

Maybe say "and to feel comfortable in my college environment" or something.

My thirst for knowledge kept me encouraged and enthusiastic to learn calculus, physics, and chemistry and to get closer to uncovering science's enticing mystery. After experiencing the disorienting 150-person lecture halls and competitive office hours, I realized even the academic environment Cal Poly offered was not conducive for me to learn.

If you can afford it, I think you should say why it was disorienting. I know it's because of the size but the size is something that some people might like so it could help to explain why it didn't work for you.

Err, never mind. You already did that in the next paragraph. ^_^

Macalester's offers small class sizes I will be comfortable asking questions, and its reputation of being progressive and accepting everyone creates the tolerant and inspiring atmosphere I will feel comfortable in .

I think you have to say "Macalester's small class sizes will allow me to be comfortable..." OR "Macalester offers small class sizes in which I can be comfortable..."

There is definitely an overuse of "comfortable." Find ways of showing that you'll be comfortable, not just saying it. :)

At Macalester, I have more opportunity ies to join those fighting for tolerance and change while simultaneously receiving a well-rounded education. At Macalester I can be the person I dream of.

The last sentence is nice but it's kind of out of place. I think unless you referred to earlier about looking up to certain people or wanting to be a certain type of person, you shouldn't include it. It's not substantial enough by itself to offer anything more to your supplement.

Good luck!
alyssadlee   
Feb 14, 2010
Research Papers / The insurgency of the EZLN (IB History Internal Assessment) [3]

Hey! This is my IA for IB Global Studies and I really need some help editing it and cutting out words. I need to cut down about 140 words and I have read it so many times already. These websites shows the guidelines and the recommended word counts for each section:

montgomeryschoolsmd.org/schools/rmhs/departments/socialstudies/IBHistoryIA/sections.htm for advice, etc.
ranchosocialstudies.org/ibamericas/GuidetoIA.htm for the markband

Any advice on improving the content is wonderful but my main priority is just to get it in the world limit. Thank you so much!! I know it's a lot of reading but I think it's a very interesting subject. Sorry about the random numbers. Those are my footnotes.

How has the insurgency of the Zapatista Army of National Liberation (EZLN) on the Mexican government been a more successful continuation of the Mexican revolution?

A Plan of Investigation
The aim of this investigation is to explain the similarities between the uprisings of the Zapatista Liberation Army of the South in the 1910s and of the Zapatista Army of National Liberation in Chiapas in 1994, and to discuss why the recent movement is showing more success. The investigation compares the governments of the time as well as the ideologies, goals, and tactics of the two groups. The role of NAFTA and the leadership of Subcomandante Marcos are also considered. In the section "Evaluation of Sources," two sources used for this investigation -"Rebellion in Chiapas," a journal article by Jerry Knudson, and "Imagining the Zapatistas," a journal article by M. Clint McCowan - are evaluated according to their origins, purposes, values, and limitations.

The investigation does not discuss in depth the Constitution of 1917 or the movement for a new constitution following the 1994 rebellion nor does it assess the last years of the Zedillo administration.

B Summary of Evidence
Designed to protest the effecting of the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), the Zapatista Army of National Liberation (EZLN), made their appearance in the southernmost state of Chiapas on January 1, 1994, capturing San Cristóbal de las Casas and other cities1. This incident was launched into media recognition because of an obscure 12,000 rebel militia's ability to capture the second largest city in the state2. The Mexican administration at the time, referred to as the Partido Revolucionario Institucional (PRI), was troubled and responded with an army force of 70,000 troops and heavy artillery3. Although the fighting stopped after ten days and the loss of 145 lives4, the conflict was only superficially quelled.

Like the Mexican Revolution, the rebellion in Chiapas was characterized by socialist, liberal, anarchist, and agrarian ideologies. Both times of uprisings were marked by a shift in governmental power. In 1910, it was the end of the Porfiriato (the period of continuous re-election of Porfirio Díaz)5, and in 1994, it was the final year of PRI President Carlos Salinas de Gortari's administration6. Both years had been preceded by a long-standing, one-party rule under which the indigenous population was neglected in order to achieve prosperous foreign relations. By the 20th century, Díaz had established Mexico as an industrialized nation experiencing economic growth for the first time7. Similarly, de Gortari, since his election in 1988, was committed to eliminating protectionist economic policies to propel Mexico into worldwide competition8. In 1994, the passage of NAFTA, "the crowning achievement of the Salinas Administration," gave rise to free trade to augment Mexican corporations and exports to the United States9. In conjunction with NAFTA, Salinas made some troubling changes, such as the privatization of major industries and modifying the Constitution of 1917 to limit certain rights10. One such alteration was Article 27, which had served to protect the ejidos, or communal lands, from seizure11.

In direct response to these changes, the EZLN looked towards their namesake to enact reform. They asserted that Mexico consisted mostly of peasants, impoverished due to the exploitation by the government and the monopolization by large corporations, the same claims made in Zapata's Plan of Ayala12. The EZLN's land reform program included returning the land to those who work it, collective farms to provide for the entire community, and the elimination of debts13. Unlike the Zapatistas of the revolution, the EZLN's intentions were not to take power but to spread an intense spirit of reform. Like Zapata, they demanded, on behalf of all indigenous people, the right to education and dignified jobs, respect for their culture, self-determination, genuinely democratic elections, and the end of poverty. While they drew from Zapata's writings, the EZLN focused more on autonomy, wanted to reform the entire centralist political system, and demanded the elimination of a national government14.

The EZLN was especially noted in the media for its leader, "Subcomandante" Marcos. Although Marcos was born into a middle-class family of businessmen15, he grew up witnessing the unjust dynamic between the peasants and the upper-class, just as Zapata had between the villagers and the sugar hacendados16. Also like Zapata, Marcos began learning about and fighting for this cause early on, presenting radical arguments in opposition to Mexico's capitalist oppression when he was in college17. Marcos led the EZLN with the same spirit of agrarian reform as Zapata in hopes of finally securing justice for Mexico.

C Evaluation of Sources
The article "Rebellion in Chiapas: insurrection by Internet and public relations" by Jerry Knudson originated from the journal Media, Culture, & Society. Its purpose is to "provide a major international forum for the presentation of research and discussion concerning the media ... within their ... historical context."18 It is valuable because the journal for which it was written specializes in discussing the use of media in history. The author "... is a professor of journalism [and] a former journalist who has specialized in the history of the press in both North America and Latin America." 19 Knudson's specialization in the subject matter makes him a reliable source. Because it was published in 1998, during the height of Zapatistas' popularity, the statements about public opinion were taken in context and are reliable. Moreover, it is said that it "... is based mainly on the results of a computer search of major US newspapers on the Chiapas rebellion between 1994 and 1996."20 The article's statements regarding the EZLN's growing popularity are based on the author's own observance of the Internet as well as outside reports. Thus, Knudson provides primary and secondary sources on which he bases his commentaries. However, the article's notes mention that opposite viewpoints are expressed in a different book that was referred to but not used within the text21. Therefore, one limitation is that Knudson may have refrained from presenting opposing interpretations.

"Imagining the Zapatistas" is an article by M. Clint McCowan published in 2003 in The International Third World Studies Journal and Review, "an annual interdisciplinary journal of scholarship in the field of Third World studies." The journal's purpose is to give scholarly analysis of "economics, politics ... culture, media, education, literature, health issues, and philosophy."22 It aims to "[keep] scholars and researchers informed about important issues concerning developing nations, issues which commonly go unnoticed in other journals."23 Thus, the journal is valuable for offering insight which may not be reported on in other sources. The author specifically researches globalization, political economy, cultural studies, and environmental history24, all of which pertain to the issue of the Zapatista insurgency as a political, social, and cultural revolution. As this is McCowan's second publication in the journal25, he is a reliable contributor to the journal for its specific purposes. McCowan got his research from a large repertoire of sources, including the EZLN's website, books ranging from 1994 to 2001, statements from the EZLN, and interviews with Subcomandante Marcos. By having this variety of primary and secondary sources, the article can incorporate different insights, such as when it discusses whether Subcomandante Marcos is "a mere spokesman for the committee" or "their supreme commander."26 Rather than immediately giving the favorable verdict, McCowan explains the criticisms that have been made on both sides. Furthermore, this article was written almost a decade after the group's emergence and has the advantage of offering a wide perspective and reporting their long-term effects.

D Analysis
The conflict between the EZLN and the Mexican government is truly a modern Mexican Revolution due to its roots in the still-unresolved issues of land ownership, governance in indigenous communities, peasant rights, and the quality of living for the thousands under the poverty line. The permanence of these issues can be attributed to the similarities of the Díaz and Salinas administrations. Like Díaz, President Salinas focused on attracting foreign investment, allowing Mexico's resources to be liberally exported while domestic production remained neglected27. Both presidents' economic plans improved Mexico's world position but at the expense of the working class. Neither regime had much regard for the rights of the peasants, considering them to be inferior for their poverty and illiteracy28. Díaz would deliberately destroy any opposition just as Salinas eliminated worker safety, meaningful employment, and real wages by setting up NAFTA.

While these issues affected all of Mexico, the rebellion was sited in Chiapas because it represented the worst case. Though one of the leading producers and exporters of various resources, three-quarters of the population were malnourished, had no cash income, lacked any education, and lived in crude housing29. The effects of Salinas's reforms were more drastic there. Many believed that NAFTA would "...only exacerbate the polarization of wealth in Mexico and hence increase the poverty and immiseration of the Mexican poor."30

Furthermore, the government was incompetent at realizing its duty to its inhabitants, resulting in the deterioration of confidence in the PRI. This in turn allowed the EZLN to easily gain support. Like Díaz, the Salinas administration failed to address underlying problems and tried to shove the realities of its crises out of sight so that Mexico could maintain a (false) image of stability to foreign investors31. However, this is where the two movements diverge; unlike the Zapatistas of Diaz's era, the modern uprising has been able to expose these injustices through propaganda with the leadership of Subcomandante Marcos.

By developing a distinct persona evocative of Emiliano Zapata, Rafael Sebastián Guillén Vincente, lovingly known as Subcomandante Marcos, catapulted a group of indigenous farmers to worldwide attention. Marcos became a retrograde revolutionary, an "articulate, photogenic, latter-day Zapata."32 This idealized public perception of him was compounded by his charisma, his erudition, and such physical trademarks as his black ski mask and pipe33. His considerably better education allowed him to enter the scene as a learned and talented writer34. One might consider that Marcos's middle-class background presented a socioeconomic rift between him and his demographic. On the contrary, it is this aspect of the EZLN that has enabled the extent of their success; Marcos's status did not separate him from the indigenous people but rather demonstrated to both them and the government the model of life he wanted to secure.

Moreover, Marcos attracted media attention which has truly been the foundation of the movement's unique success. If not for his tactical approach, the EZLN would have joined the negligible ebb and flow of rebellions in the course of Mexican history. Past uprisings with similar goals have been short-lived because they fought bloody battles while the EZLN has kept their strategy diplomatic35. They have shown that their version of socialism is not rooted in rigid ideology nor does it employ violence, proving their legitimacy. Not only did this rebellion occur when the media could play a decisive role, but Marcos's status as a middle-class intellectual rendered him a difficult target for the government to simply dipose of. The PRI had been able to get away with killing hundreds of dissenters previously because they had been isolated, unnoticed incidents. Media coverage disallowed the government to arbitrarily detain and torture insurgents and still uphold its credibility36. "Marcos had drawn a shield of publicity around himself and the Zapatistas,"37 rendering the government and the military useless against them.

Even in the seizure of San Cristóbal, Marcos refrained from armed confrontation, focusing on attracting attention rather than enacting bloodshed. He kept his intentions clear by creating a website, deemed his communiqués38. The Internet presented advantages in its speed and coverage, its infinite capacity to relay messages, and its inability to be stopped by mere force. A reporter noted, "'With help from peace activists and rebel support groups . . . the Zapatista message is spreading around the world, literally at lightning speed, thanks to telephone links to the Internet computer network.'"39 Marcos embraced any coverage, even in conservative newspapers allowing the Zapatistas to pervade public consciousness beyond Mexico40. Marcos's tact, resourcefulness, and strategy earned the EZLN immense support worldwide, an advantage unable to be had by the Zapatistas of the 1910s.

E Conclusion
The conflict between the Mexican government and the Zapatista insurgents is proof that injustice and turmoil remain extensive in Mexico due to deeply entrenched social, economic, and political instabilities despite the end of the Mexican Revolution and the passage of the Constitution of 1917. However, although the Zapatista rebellion demonstrates the failure of the state to respond to its inhabitants' grievances, it is also a testament to the capacity for change with the passage of time. The EZLN is just one of many insurgent groups in Mexico's history that have risen, fighting for reform. However, because of the evolution of armed fighting to public relations, the EZLN have managed more success in enacting the goals of the legendary Emiliano Zapata - the right to autonomy, cultural recognition, democracy, and a sustainable and dignified lifestyle. It has taken decades of failed rebellions to bring about the success of the EZLN's movement, which is rooted in its exposure of long-standing unjust government practices, its ability to promulgate its cause without appearing overly radical, and its compelling leadership.

F List of Sources
"An Anarchist View of the EZLN." Red and Black Revolution. Oct. 1994.
Dent, David W. Encyclopedia of Modern Mexico. Lanham: Scarecrow Press, Inc., 2002.
Hamnett, Brian R. A Concise History of Mexico. 2nd ed. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2006.
Kirkwood, Burton. The History of Mexico. Westport: Greenwood Press, 2000.
Knudson, Jerry W. "Rebellion in Chiapas: insurrection by Internet and public relations." Media, Culture, & Society Version 20 (1998): 507-18.
McCowan, M. Clint. "Imagining the Zapatistas: Rebellion, Representation, and Popular Culture." International Third World Studies Journal and Review Version XIV (2003): 29-33. Web.
Meyer, Michael C., William L. Sherman, and Susan M. Deeds. The Course of Mexican History. 7th ed. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2003.
Pearce, Kenneth. A Traveller's History of Mexico. Brooklyn: Interlink Books, 2002.
Proyect, Louis. "Understanding Chiapas." Pierre J. Proudhon Memorial Computer.
Shorris, Earl. The Life and Times of Mexico. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 2004.
Suchlicki, Jaime. Mexico: From Montezuma to NAFTA, Chiapas, and Beyond. Washington: Brassey's, Inc., 1996.
Wehling, Jason. "Zapatismo: What the EZLN is Fighting For." The Portland State University Sentinel 10 Jan. 1995.
alyssadlee   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "Marching Band" - Common App - Short Answer (Extracurricular Activity) [3]

Thank you, your suggestions did save me lots of room! I'm still struggling trying to get it in though. Even cutting out a lot, I'm 7 words over! Do you think that's okay or will they not let me submit it?

And though I am short on time, I would gladly help! You're so lovely, thank you for your help! ^_^
alyssadlee   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "Marching Band" - Common App - Short Answer (Extracurricular Activity) [3]

I have seen a lot of different formats for this section and I'm a bit confused so I'd like - no, I'd LOVE some feedback on if I'm doing this right.

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

Heaps of brass and rows of flags - these items dominated my past four years. When I started marching band, I first experienced the pain of doing three hundred crunches or marching a show four times in a row. But I also experienced the joy of hearing that final note reverberating under the football stadium lights. Naturally, I was eager to start the next year as a band "veteran." However, our band director was unexpectedly arrested and fired, causing our band to collapse. Seniors acted out, making yelling and walking out a common part of practice, but I was determined to lead, not discourage. I dedicated hours to leading individuals as well as the group in playing music, marching technique, even personal obstacles. Marching band pushed me physically and musically, but mostly, it pushed me to step out of my long-held role as "follower" and to be a true leader.

149/150

When I said "marching a show four times in a row," for you non-marching band people, does that come across clear enough? And these are some details I really wanted to add because I could not fit them in the ACtivities section but they constitute a HUGE part of my extracurriculars as far as volunteer work:

I set up movie nights, created and maintained the band's websites, made newsletters, compiled photos- everything I could to maintain optimism and enthusiasm. As a Band Council Member and fundraiser liaison, I organized fundraisers and rides and volunteered at pancake breakfasts, car washes, concession stands, and performed for community events like parades, baseball games, and in the pep band for school football and basketball games.

But I guess it isn't good to treat this as a laundry list type thing. However, I really need to include that because other wise, it seems like I have no volunteer work. Suggestions? Thank you!!
alyssadlee   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech essay. Unusual fun essay! [8]

I am done with this, Miss Jhopselyn! - said one of my students after finishing the final exam.Did you purposely choose not to put quotes? I suppose it's a stylistic thing.It was on december 30th, 2008;I think it would read better to say "It was December 30, 2008" and that is the proper way to write the date.it was theCan you find different words than "IT was the"? It's not very interesting and repetitive from the previous sentence end of the course Introduction to Algebra, wichwhich was part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador. After seven years of participateparticipating as a student, I experienced what is"what it was like like" to be on the other side, in the classroom but not as a student, rather as a teacher. Actually, either say "in the classroom but not as a student" OR say "what it was like to be on the other side - as a teacher" I don't think you should use both expressions. I was offered to be the instructor in the first level of this program, teaching totake out "to" children between 10 to 12Write out "ten" and "twelve" years old. I saw the perfect opportunity to reward everything I have learned until that day in that program.probably better to say "to give back everything I HAD learned in the program"

They were four weeks of pure fun.You should say "The following were four weeks of pure fun" or something. "They" is kind of weird and ambiguous.Teaching to children is such a great experience .First, take out "to' and second, this sentence has the effect of dropping a rock into a pool. It just sinks and it has no real purpose. Rather than SAYING it, try to SHOW it. "The children's energy and happiness kept me coming back each day," something like that.

They are full of energy, hapiness"happiness" , willI think "eagerness" is better or at least "willingness" to learn and they are able to transmit that energy to all people around themThis is good. You should make some relation to yourself like "they gave me energy" or "the energy they radiated was transmitted to me" or something but that's kind of a weird analogy . In those days, I tried to teach them in a funny and interesting way, because they are children and that's how you can have their attention for more than a few minutes.I don't think "in those days" is necessary and it makes it seem like you changed something in what you did later on. Also, no comma before "because" and don't say "they are children." this is obvious. Just say "because you can not have a child's attention for more than a few minutes without cracking a few jokes or jumping around a little" You should include specific details here about what you did. Did you stick your tongue out, make jokes, stick your finger up your nose? It would add flavor to the essay But it turned out that all what I did, was also a funny way to learn for me. They impregnedI have no idea what this word is supposed to be... in me teir"their" enthusiasm and their conviction of Use "to" instead of "of" never give up;no colon. You should combine the two and use a comma or make it a separate sentence but also their many jokes and naive questions during the class made me to enjoy eberyevery single moment. It was a lot of fun for me!This last line has to be strong and I think it would be a GREAT opportunity to use humor. You can say something funny but what you have right now is very NOT personal, not meaningful, and unremarkable. It is a great topic and this is the perfect opportunity to include some kind of joke.

Sorry if I was harsh but I think you need to run a lot of proofreading and just include more details about what happened and more about SHOWING that you enjoyed it, not SAYING it. :) Good luck and I know it will work out once you give it more critiques.
alyssadlee   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / stanford, name fav books+movies, fav events, How did u spend summer, what moment [4]

I thought that movie titles were underlined but considering that you have to enter these INTO the text boxes on the Common App, I don't know how you would do either. Would you do quotation marks then?

Anyhow, I agree vincentcanlas that your answer to what faces society today is very good but also typical. However, you phrased it very eloquently so I'd say keep it. and I explained my 5 words too, though not as well as you did. I hope that we won't be judged for it :)

Good job and I hope you won't mind returning the favor (once I get it done! ...)

Good luck!!!
alyssadlee   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "Paper Mosaic" - Stanford Supplement - Roommate Prompt [7]

Haha, I think I will definitely try to at least finish everything else and then get back to that. Definitely a great suggestion though. I didn't even think of that! You mean like saying something "In the future, don't mind my post-its on the bathroom mirror, etc etc"? I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with that but is that what you meant?
alyssadlee   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "Paper Mosaic" - Stanford Supplement - Roommate Prompt [7]

Thank youuuu, ngcoel!!! I actually finally cut it down to size. It only took me about 2 hours! -_- Anyway, here is my finished product and would you mind giving me your beautiful insight again? I definitely agree, the way I write is quite flowery but sometimes I can't help it. I am afraid I didn't see this comment until I finished "finalizing" the edits so I didn't make any changes you said, but perhaps it will be good enough.

EDITED
As I unpack, my boxes are emptied to reveal paper - papers as books, notepads, scraps, Post-Its. While this might lend an impression of obsession, these sheaves of paper reflect the layers of my character.

Many of the operations of my life are by paper. Post-its and lists line my walls, desk, and backpack, reminding me of projects and anniversaries while my drawers harbor the more sophisticated cardstock with which I make every personalized birthday, holiday, and thank-you card. I rarely throw any paper away, reincarnating it as scratch paper, origami cranes, even confetti. Such scraps serve as homes to witticisms I overhear, words I have never heard before, or, in a flash of inspiration, a line to a poem I have not yet written.

I know the accumulation of paper will warrant raised eyebrows and exasperated sighs, but it is an element of my lifestyle to which technology cannot compare. As much paper as I consume printing assignments or the occasional enlightening article, I handwrite my notes and homework whenever I can, not only for my penchant for being "old-fashioned" but also because I can cultivate and imprint thoughts with visual liberty. With the keen, intimate communication from my arm to my fingers, I craft my handwriting, honing every curve, meticulously ascending the trunk of each 'I,' maintaining the perfect rise and fall of the letters. Rather than a text message, you can surely expect a note featuring my original calligraphy and nonsensical doodles.

My marriage to paper lends itself to a few cons, evidenced by the disarray pervading my desk and the chronic papercuts and pen marks adorning my hands. Still, it is a complicated relationship that I cannot abandon. I only hope that you can put up with us. If not, I will be sure to give my apology - by post-it.
alyssadlee   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "Paper Mosaic" - Stanford Supplement - Roommate Prompt [7]

Hello... I hope you are all having a nice evening! I desperately need help editing this down to 1800 characters and getting feedback on if this actually says anything about me at all. Any comments as soon as possible are incredibly appreciated! Deadline is January 1st :((((

Short Essay
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.


As I unpack, my boxes are emptied to reveal paper - papers in books, in binders, in notebooks, on Post-Its. While this might lend an impression of obsession, these sheaves of paper reflect the layers of my character.

Many of the operations and interactions of my life are by paper. Lining my walls, desk, and backpack are post-its and lists reminding me of projects and anniversaries while my drawers and folders harbor the more sophisticated cardstock with which I will make every personalized birthday, Christmas, and thank-you card. Despite my obsession with recycling, I almost never throw any paper away, always insisting on its reincarnation as scratch paper, origami cranes, even confetti. It is on these scraps I often jot down witticisms I overhear, a word I have never heard before, or, in a transient flash of inspiration, a line to a poem I have not yet written.

I know my ineluctable accumulation of paper will warrant raised eyebrows and exasperated sighs, but they are an element of my lifestyle that cannot be matched with technology. As much paper as I consume printing assignments or the occasional enlightening article, I handwrite notes and assignments whenever I can, not only because of my penchant for being "old-fashioned" but also because pressings keys on a keyboard is nowhere near as intimate as having a pencil in one hand and paper under your fingertips. With handwriting, I can imprint my thoughts with visual liberty, free to cultivate my specialized system of arrows, noughts, boxes, and lines without the restraints of computerized formatting.

Unlike typing or texting, there is an art to handwriting, a skill derived from the keen physical communication from one's arm to one's fingers involving honing every curve, meticulously ascending the trunk of every 'I', maintaining the impeccable rise and fall of the letters. So you can always expect a handwritten note from me rather than a text message, compounded with a variety of my original calligraphy and nonsensical doodles.

My marriage to paper and handwriting lends itself to a few drawbacks, evidenced by the disarray that pervades my desk and the chronic papercuts and pen marks that adorn my hands. Still, it is a complicated relationship that I cannot abandon. I only hope that you can put up with us. If not, I will be sure to give my apology - by post-it.

2349/1800
alyssadlee   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / CommonApp Short Answer for Theatre for Stanford, Yale - Too pretentious? [6]

Hello! You edited my "Racebending" essay and I appreciate your comment more than you know! I hope you wouldn't mind reading it again with the changes I've made and if you still would like help on your Common App essay, I would be more than happy to but you closed the thread. :P Moving on...

Overall, I love the subject matter, I love your writing, and it doesn't come off as pretentious at all. It's humbling even while presenting these amazing achievements, and you show a lot of your personal attachment to something. I think it's great and my edits were only to make things a little clearer, but don't consider them necessary. Brilliant job and good luck!
alyssadlee   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "Racebending" - Stanford Supplement - Short Essay - Intellectual Vitality [5]

Right now, I have spent literally 4 or 5 hours writing the response to this prompt because I had to change it:
Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

I wrote it all stream of consciousness at first and it was over 5,000 characters! I've gotten it down to 2,117 but the limit 1,800. Much help is appreciated! And I am worried that it does not fulfill the prompt. Certainly I myself find it "engaging" but I don't know if it is objectively. Also, I hope it doesn't come off as too cynical.

My eight-year-old brother Julian told me about a school project asking him to discuss his name. "Why don't you talk about your Korean name Hanul?" Furrowed eyebrows and a pout immediately showed his aversion. I asked him why not. "I don't want people to know that I'm Korean."

I have accepted that my pride in my heritage is not the norm considering that my formative years were spent in Los Angeles, a hotbed of multiculturalism, while Julian has always lived in Turlock, a white-dominated town. I did not realize until then how intimately he felt the brand of "minority" or its tacit burn of shame.

While skimming Entertainment Weekly, my attention landed on a spread about the upcoming live-action film for the show Avatar: The Last Airbender, of which Julian and I are proud advocates. Avatar exhibits not only beautiful animation, complex storylines, and antagonists as fully realized as the protagonists, but also an eloquent interpretation and display of Asian cultures.

A big fuss for a show on Nickelodeon but Avatar is the kind of program my brother should embrace, one whose "ethnic flavor" is not derived from shallow stereotypes like kung fu fight scenes and rice and chopsticks. To see the main character as a monk with a name like Aang, not out of some gimmick of Asia but out of true integrality to the plot, seemed to show Julian that even as the only Asian boy in his class, he could be a hero in his own right. My enthusiasm for such a program was thus equally met with displeasure upon seeing the line-up for the actors of the main cast.

Every single one was white.

I must wonder what this says to kids like Julian. When an Asian is not good enough to play his own role, when the only actors of color are the "enemies" and the extras, when the casting call requests "Caucasian or other ethnicity" rather than "all ethnicities," Julian can only feel that Asian is not equivalent to normal. I lament the media culture that perpetuates the attitude "Caucasian is the default race." If an award-winning show cannot be sold with an Asian as the hero, why should my brother feel pride in being called Hanul?

2,117/1,800
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