Undergraduate / Cornell CALS essay: It started with an Oreo [5]

name some world renowned professors to show you've done your research. show why cornell and cals specifically. right now this essay can apply to any college youre applying to. also try to vary some of your sentences to make it more interesting. most of them start with the typically subject verb object(especially that second to last paragraph)

Undergraduate / Poem, New Yorker, and Movie - NYU supplement [4]


your new yorker message is good. just for that sentence, "range" kinda already states that there is a variety of subjects so i think itd be better if you said "the conversation would range fro m politics to men..."


take away the commas after Sunshine and thirties because in the format you have right now, it sounds like youre saying "'Snow, Sand, and Sunshine' struggling to maintain..."

I don't think you need to add the commas in here like the previous poster stated


. it depends on if you were saying "family life" or " family and life."

and i don't really like your second poem either. the prompt asks you to write a poem that best represents you and all you want to show them is that you like peace and quiet and are annoyed by loud people?

again these are just suggestions :)

please critique my nyu supplements :]

Undergraduate / Common app essay: building a school community [6]

okay and what is your major message in the essay? maybe i can help you focus it better? i felt like you made a lot of different major points

Undergraduate / Common app essay: building a school community [6]

Some of your paragraphs seem really short and they need better transitions. make sure that each paragraph flows from one to another


you need a transition before this to connect general extracurriculars to how you suddenly "realized you volunteered..."

what's the prompt? depending on whatever the prompt is, i feel like you can focus your answer better

Undergraduate / Rewording and shortening a Yale Short Take [4]

umpteen isnt too awkward but it should be umpteenth

please critique my nyu supplement if you have time :)

Undergraduate / 1. Would you tell us about a few of your favorite books - University of Chicago [6]

I think it's a little too sexual. i know you were trying to be risky and creative since uchicago likes that but i think this is a little too much. explain why its your favorite. i dont think that comes across very clearly

please read my nyu supplements :)

Undergraduate / "Plato's Allegory of the Cave and the Importance of Diversity" Common App [5]

"High school has provided me with fodder to challenge and stretch my mental capabilities"

use a different word besides fodder. the definition of fodder is more negative and not something you want to say high school has given you.

I like everything after the first paragraph. it could just be that my brain is a little tired right now, but reading that first paragraph and comprehending it requires a lot of brain power. something i don't think adcom would have the patients for? but after reading it a couple times, it does make sense and it does work. i like how you tie in the sun mentioned in that allegory to your conclusion though i wish you could somehow emphasize the sun mentioned in the allegory more. you can tell there was a reason you mentioned the sun at the end but i didn't catch the one in the allegory initially until i went back to look for it. did i make sense explaining all that? :P

so once i comprehended your first paragraph, i liked your message though you take a long time to start talking about what you would contribute to the school. the rest of your essay nicely answers the prompt in my opinion. i do get a good sense of who you are and your essay isnt far-fetched

Undergraduate / NYU Prompts: Daredevil to Heracles to Philosophy to Interpol (Crit. for Crit.) [9]

anticipated program- i don't really like how you say that you're partly studying philosophy for the increase in LSAT scores. It's just my opinion but saying that makes you seem superficially interested?

movie- i like your movie description. sounds very exciting and makes you seem like you have a bright future :)

i disagree with how your 1st and 4th response don't go. you state in your 4th response that you plan on majoring in philosophy to become a lawyer. that's pretty clear to me. also people can have multiple interests so i think talking about your new yorker is fine. your poem is also pretty solid

please critique my nyu supplements :]