collegechic
Jan 12, 2010
Undergraduate / 'similar ideologies as my own' - Babson supplement- Dear Roommate [8]
the second is definitely better!
the second is definitely better!
collegechic
Jan 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "You are perfect just the way you are" - Villanova lesson i have learned [8]
As I read your essay I noticed you said
. You should definitely scrap that; you don't wan't to appear overconfident! BTW i hope you have reworked the last paragraph;like everyone said,its too cliche. Overall, your idea's great;i hope this isn't too late!
As I read your essay I noticed you said
When I come to Villanova
. You should definitely scrap that; you don't wan't to appear overconfident! BTW i hope you have reworked the last paragraph;like everyone said,its too cliche. Overall, your idea's great;i hope this isn't too late!
collegechic
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / I am half Filipino, a quarter Sri Lankan and a quarter Anglo Indian; Roomate/Babson [4]
this letter doesn't catch the reader's attention. Will you be this formal if you met your roommate in person? Give the letter a more natural voice.I'm not saying you should be sloppy with your vocabulary but don't you think saying
sounds really stuffy and formal. Also I'm not sure you should say
Personally, i would be freaked out if my roommate said that to me.
This part makes you sound like you really don't have passion; more like you're into business because your family is. BTW I hope my comments are useful. This can become a great letter if you cut out the faulty parts.
this letter doesn't catch the reader's attention. Will you be this formal if you met your roommate in person? Give the letter a more natural voice.I'm not saying you should be sloppy with your vocabulary but don't you think saying
Let me first congratulate us on reaching this milestone of getting into this prestigious college
Babson's elite academia
sounds really stuffy and formal. Also I'm not sure you should say
I feel that being roommates is like a marriage
Personally, i would be freaked out if my roommate said that to me.
as I come from a family that is very business minded. My father runs a logistics business which deals with the navies of the world, including the US navy, who is his number one customer. Babson will give me the skills and knowledge that could help direct the company into a whole new direction through diversification and expansion. Being the eldest in the family I feel that I have big shoes to fill and hope that Babson could help me fit into my father's shoes.
This part makes you sound like you really don't have passion; more like you're into business because your family is. BTW I hope my comments are useful. This can become a great letter if you cut out the faulty parts.
collegechic
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / "I'm normal in some ways" - Stanford supplement: letter to roommate [8]
i prefer the second a lot more.the short story is a unique way of telling the admissions office you love animals BTW do you want to study animal science? the 2nd holds the reader's attention a lot more than the first.
i prefer the second a lot more.the short story is a unique way of telling the admissions office you love animals BTW do you want to study animal science? the 2nd holds the reader's attention a lot more than the first.
collegechic
Jan 3, 2010
Student Talk / Application Question January [127]
as long as you receive a confirmation email that your app and its supplement have been received, you're fine. sometimes the red button won't change to green not because you haven't submitted but because they haven't had the time to aknowlege it.
as long as you receive a confirmation email that your app and its supplement have been received, you're fine. sometimes the red button won't change to green not because you haven't submitted but because they haven't had the time to aknowlege it.
collegechic
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / Essay about the emergence of China - "For when China wakes, it will shake the world" [5]
you wrote a lot about China's evolution but i can't see much about YOUR intellectual evolution.don't you think you should say more?
you wrote a lot about China's evolution but i can't see much about YOUR intellectual evolution.don't you think you should say more?
collegechic
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / Russia daughters and fathers names - Cornell essay-- College of Arts and sciences [7]
I really like this essay. It's really genuine unlike others i've read. However, you need to say more specifically how you will utilize the programs at Cornell- its a key part of the essay. Let them know you did your research on them properly. don't change anything else though.BTW good luck!i'm also applying to Cornell;hope it goes well.
I really like this essay. It's really genuine unlike others i've read. However, you need to say more specifically how you will utilize the programs at Cornell- its a key part of the essay. Let them know you did your research on them properly. don't change anything else though.BTW good luck!i'm also applying to Cornell;hope it goes well.
collegechic
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / To assist people with problems - Cornell College of Arts and Sciences Supplement [8]
overall,your idea is great but the essay needs some work. You did not really say what makes your intellectual interests exciting to you. By saying you want to specialize in business, pre-med and social science you have to include WHY (your previous reason doesn't make you seem like you have much passion). As much as you have a broad range of interests, the Admissions Office will expect atleast one or two to particularly stand out to you. talk about them. it will be beneficial if you cut out some part of the second paragraph so you can answer the prompt more appropriately and stick to the word limit of 500.BTW i hope this isn't too late!
overall,your idea is great but the essay needs some work. You did not really say what makes your intellectual interests exciting to you. By saying you want to specialize in business, pre-med and social science you have to include WHY (your previous reason doesn't make you seem like you have much passion). As much as you have a broad range of interests, the Admissions Office will expect atleast one or two to particularly stand out to you. talk about them. it will be beneficial if you cut out some part of the second paragraph so you can answer the prompt more appropriately and stick to the word limit of 500.BTW i hope this isn't too late!
