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Posts by Rachach6
Joined: Jan 19, 2010
Last Post: Apr 1, 2010
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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Rachach6   
Apr 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am a dreamer." - BU 3 words to describe myself supplement essay [3]

Unlike most people, I believe that I have always known exactly who I am and what I want out of my life. Finding words to describe myself is easy. Trying to explain how they describe me is difficult. Being a dancer from a very young age helped me to understand exactly who I am and how to get what I wanted out of my life. I am a autonomous dreamer with a fiery passion for life.

I am a dreamer. I always have new goals for myself and I rarely think that something is impossible. Believing in myself is a characteristic I have always had. From the first dance class I ever attended to trying out for the track team when I had never willingly run in my life. The dreams I have for myself and my drive to reach them will help me to achieve greatness at Boston University.

I am autonomous. I always have been and always will be. When I was little I always begged my parents to let me stay home alone and loved when they let me make my own dinner. Nine days after graduating high school I left my home in Kansas City to spend the summer in East Hampton, New York. I only knew a handful of people and 1,332 miles from my parents. I consider this experience the experience that sent me into the real world and adulthood. My independence and ability to handle being away from home for long periods of time helped me to help my other friends during my first year of college with their adjustment from being away from home. I would love to help more college students with their adjustment to college, especially at Boston University.

I am fiery. I have a fierce, burning, passion for life and everything around me. I think that passion is the key to success in life. Whenever I start a new project or have a new goal in mind I always become overwhelmed with a fiery passion for whatever it is I am doing. Being passionate about a hobby or goal always helps me to reach my goal faster because of the enthusiasm I have. My fiery personality is my favorite thing about myself. I think that it is the core of everything about me from the way I act, how people perceive me, and my ability to reach for the stars and keep my hopes up the entire journey to them.

I believe these three words describe my personality perfectly. Without my dreams I never would have thought to travel east for school, without my autonomous attitude I could never have the courage to go for what I wanted without the help of others, and finally without my fiery passion for life I would not be where I am today. I believe that all of these characteristics will bring positive energy to the Boston University campus and help me in succeeding at such an incredible institute.
Rachach6   
Apr 1, 2010
Book Reports / Victorian era, Baker Street (Sherlock Holmes adventures) [4]

i would open the paragraph with a description of the street. i'm not sure what it looks like but i would describe the town, houses, even simple details like the street lamps. give the reader a great mental picture and it will keep them intrigued to keep reading
Rachach6   
Apr 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "service before self" Serving in the Air Force prepared me to succeed. [3]

and to also help my parents

and to explore the world and take on new challenges in life

None, more important than helping me earn a college degree! I will transfer all my hard work from my military endeavors into my academic endeavors and I will succeed.

- no comma after none

it's getting difficult to find a good job
- it is, never use contractions in essays

GREAT ESSAY!
good luck!
Rachach6   
Feb 3, 2010
Essays / A good fence is a good neighbor (a pro or con side on the phrase) [2]

the assignment was to pick a pro or con side on the phrase a good fence is a good neighbor. that is all she told us. so i did not really know where to go with it, but this is what i got

There are many qualities that are desirable in a neighbor. A good neighbor is someone who does not mow over your flowers or does not play music too loud. Robert Frost once said that "A good fence makes a good neighbor." I agree and disagree with this statement.

Most people want a solid fence between their house and their neighbors. I only the other hand, see a fence as a way to put yourself in a space that is just yours for nobody else to enter. I think that a fence can be symbolic of an emotional wall. For example, a neighbor who has their house fenced off by a twenty foot fence may want to keep to themselves and not be involved with the rest of the community. A tall fence is put up when people want their privacy and do not want to let others into their personal space. Another reason people put up tall fences is to show their class and how much money they have, since large fences are usually related to having money and power. On the other hand, a small white picket fence can be symbolic of somebody who wants the all American lifestyle. A fence could be put up simply to keep the children and pets safe in the yard of a home. For example, a farmer has to have a fence so his horses, cows, and pigs do not get loose and run wild. That would cost him money.

What exactly did Robert Frost mean when he said that a good fence makes a good neighbor? It seems as though he is using it so simple and that he means exactly what he says. But, knowing all of Robert Frost's other poems, there is a deeper meaning behind it. A neighbor who keeps his fence nice looking, clean, and in their own yard is probably going to be a good neighbor. Is Frost saying that the only people who are good neighbors are the neighbors with well kept fences? More than likely, no. I think that Frost meant that a neighbor with a good fence is an emotional statement meaning to keep your life private. A good neighbor will not bore you with details of their dramatic lives as you ask them how their day was. The word fence is being used instead of the word divider. A fence keeps one neighbors yard from the other neighbors' yard. Imagine a person's emotions as their yard. A fence needs to be put between your 'yard' and your neighbors 'yard'. Also, a fence can help to keep the peace between neighbors and help to keep private things private. With a fence, you can choose whether to be friendly or keep to yourself.

I feel that the analogy about the yard being a mind is what Robert Frost was going for when he said that a good fence is a good neighbor. This is a very true statement. If a neighbor shares too much information with another neighbor, then the second neighbor may feel uncomfortable seeing or being around the other neighbor, maybe even scared that they will get sucked into another long conversation.

So maybe this phrase is as easy to decode as the white picket fence is the "good" fence and the big privacy fence is the "bad" fence but it could be as difficult as an emotional side and keeping the dividers between too much information and just enough information. This is all about respecting your neighbor and making everybody's lives as easy as possible.
Rachach6   
Feb 3, 2010
Writing Feedback / Cool vs uncool - an argumentive definition essay [7]

really good essay,
i just feel that you said the word cool about 19 too many times maybe try to use other words like popular or even a phrase like being in the "in" crowd
Rachach6   
Feb 3, 2010
Undergraduate / admissons to ai (Art Institute of Vancouver) [3]

eating new ideas for my bedrooms, and my house.
no comma after bedrooms

hat it would be like to create something, that I will remember forever
period after something not a comma
also say
something. That is an experience i will forever remember

By going to your school, your setting me up with the resources to excel.
YOU'RE! not your but it should be written as you are since contractions are not supposed to be in essays

I know I can do this, and I will not stop trying until I achieve my goals.
period after this, eliminate and

I will excel in interior design, I will work everyday, to ensure that one day I will have my own firm

rephrase,
i will excel in interior design and i will work everyday to ensure that i will one day have a firm to call my own
Rachach6   
Jan 25, 2010
Undergraduate / Additional Information for undergraduate admission [3]

they dont ask for anything specific, just any additional information we want to tell the board of admissions

I did not do as well academically in high school as I could have. The first two years of my high school career were spent at a public school. The teachers at the school spent a lot of time disciplining other children. Since I was not one of the children that constantly needed discipline, I often did not get the same amount of attention from the teachers. I cruised my way through the first two years of high school, never really having to study or try too hard to get a passing grade. This was what I consider, the biggest mistake of my life. I transferred to a private school for my last two years of high school. I started off strong doing great in all my classes while balancing extracurricular activities. As the school year went on, I realized that I did not have the study skills that I needed to succeed. I had failed to learn the basic study skills that most students learn in their first few years of high school. This continues to haunt me to this day. I wish I had adapted the same skills that many of my peers had during their first years in high school. I have learned more about my study habits and what I need to do to succeed this year and continue to learn more about myself every day.
Rachach6   
Jan 25, 2010
Graduate / Peace Corps Admission Essay (master's in health administration) [5]

I had always been obsessed
-have not had

Whatever it's
- it is, not it's. no contractions in essays

from that moment I decided that I wanted to be
- from that moment on, i decided...

know that this is the right step that needs to be taken in order to achieve my long-term goals.
- know that this is a step in the right direction so that i can achieve my long-term goals.

hope that helps
Rachach6   
Jan 25, 2010
Scholarship / experiences in voluntary community service, my answers for scholarship questions [5]

Although the event only takes place for 30 hours, but the planning and organizing take months
-take out the word but, it doesn't sound correct

teachers and sponsors, to tracking volunteer hours,
- no comma after the word sponsors

eating an organizing team, I have grown in every way.
-reword that, it does not flow well

Here is no doubt that saving
-did you mean there?

good essay, just needs a little tweaking
Rachach6   
Jan 19, 2010
Undergraduate / Want to be around so many people; Reason for transfer/ objectives [2]

Since I was a little girl, I imagined my college years to be some of the best years of my life. I always planned on going to a huge college. I grew up thirty minutes from the University of Kansas campus and I would always go to the football and basketball games. I loved the feeling of being around so many people who were all there for the same reason; it was like a big family. I decided very late in my senior year that I wanted to go to a school farther east. Most of the schools had already stopped accepting applications, so I decided to attend the University of Massachusetts Lowell. The school was the complete opposite of what I expected. Many of the students are from the same town and there is no diversity. There is also a lack of unity. I knew that I wanted to go to a school with more diversity and people from all around the world. I think that college is a time to experience and understand people for their differences. Exploring big cities and different cultures is something that I have always taken a keen interest in. For that reason I have considered majoring in either broadcast journalism or studying to become a teacher. I am not set on either of those majors, but I know that those are definitely what I am most interested in right now and at the University of Massachusetts I would not be able to study to become a broadcaster since they do not offer that as a major. I feel that I have a better chance to excel in my studies at a school that has more of what I want. I hope that this transfer will bring me new challenges and obstacles. The college that I attend should be a place that I am comfortable, happy and excited to learn. I do not wish to cruise through college unhappy and not learning all that I can. I want to go to a school that has a great reputation for my area of study and that will push me to learn and be all that I can.
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