Scholarship / Scholarship Essay - My Perseverance Goal [8]

I believe I got at 320 now! I will let you know if I was accepted or not. Thank you for all your suggestions.

My goal is to obtain a BS Degree at a university that specializes in biomedical technology. I'm committed to a field where one examines human cellular material in search of abnormalities that are warning signs of cancer-a disease my mother currently suffers from. This scholarship will help finance the proper training, supplies, and experience I need to fulfill my goal.

Writing Feedback / Teenagers work while they are studying - argumentative essay [6]

I think working part-time, while attending school is a good working experience. Especially in these economics times that are difficult for gaining on hands experience.

Good job on essay!

Writing Feedback / Should Humanitarian Aid be provided for illegal immigrants? [6]

I pooled out what she wants but still I need to elaborate on the single sentences! I need ideas now, how I can work them?

A San Diego non-profit organization is justified in providing humanitarian aid to undocumented immigrants from Mexico.

Critics accuse the organizations of encouraging illegal activity when members leave water and blankets at stations in the desert for would-be immigrants who have crossed miles of desert to enter the United States across the border from Mexico. I assume that the critics of humanitarian aid for the immigrants believe that providing a drink of water to a person who is about to enter the United States illegally constitutes encouragement of law-breaking. Even if it does, and I am not sure that I am willing to grant that, it is better to err on the side of saving a life than on being right about legality.

Besides saving lives overrides issues of legality, giving humanitarian aid organization should monitor those illegal immigrants who poses no threat to society.

Good illegal immigrants are going to come over anyways. [Develop this into a full premise]

Before I answer my email I was working with the first sentence! Going basically with the first corrections that CJPHDhopeful mention, I thank you, greatly appreciate any constructive criticism.

Writing Feedback / Should Humanitarian Aid be provided for illegal immigrants? [6]

Here's my updated version for this essay! Please review any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you all!

Because poor Mexican government doesn't provide illegal immigrants with better jobs and services like vocational programs to improve immigrant's lives, immigrants will continue to suffer the consequences lack of support for their families. American's enjoy freedom and liberty but it came at a price. It wasn't free. Our forefather's fought for our freedom and the way of life we enjoy now. They didn't do it with the idea that people too cowardly or too lazy to fight for those same freedoms could sneak illegally into either of our countries and steal our way of life from us and drive their future children and grandchildren...

Writing Feedback / "True beauty" is the good humanity [6]

Great start on your Essay

I believe true beauty is part of person personality going beyond caring for other people.

Writing Feedback / The important lesson is life. The best teachers for the life are parents. [4]

Generally, people should count( consider) their parents as their life's teacher.Because they had got more experienced life. They could teach us about life from their own practice. This information could be very useful. Cause, this information has been proven. People learn from their mistakes in their life not to make that mistake again. Therefore, children should learn from their parents to make fewer mistakes.

Because we learn from our parents experienced life, they could teach us about life from their own practice. This proven information has been very useful, results in learning not to make the same mistakes as they did.