Writing Feedback / What difficulties will face your country in the next ten years? [4]

What difficulties will face your country in the next ten years?
How can these problems be overcome?
Thesis statement: Oil-based economy will need to be improved.

Having rich natural sources like oil, gas and coal provide obvious privileges for some countries, but in most cases may easily lead economy to be more and more oil-based.

The country where I live now is one of the world`s oil rich countries. Having the biggest part of the budget income based on natural sources export country`s economy has become fully oil-based except some other insignificant incomes. There by I dare to say that for foreseeable future we will probably have economical problems and budget deficits.

Oil-based economy has impacted other industrial sectors very badly as a result of non-proper allocation of income. For now we have very poor production sector. Most of the country`s export commodities constitute oil-products and cruel oil. As a result we do not even have any kind of production material or commodity which is demanded in worlds market.

Poor production sector only could be improved by proper reallocating oil-based funds to a poor industry sector. After, it will probably need full and long-term control and support in order to develop non-oil sectors.

Another problem which may occur is budget deficits. The budget which is mostly depending on an unstable oil income cannot be reliable. Oil prices are very changeable like the currency in worlds market. It makes very hard to plan budget allocations and investments. This problem could be solved only making the budget less depending on oil incomes.

Making an inference I would state that every kind of economy needs a strong industrial sector, only various and competitive production can guarantee a long term income and stable economy growth.

I am thankful in advance for your comments. I also dare to ask you to estimate my essay writing. I am preparing for IELTS General Examination and will be very thankful if you would share your experience with me and estimate my essay writing and give approximate mark.

Writing Feedback / sedating music - There are many different types of music in the world today. [3]

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Thesis statement: Music is a part of our life, no matter it is traditional or international.

Music is an inevitable part of our life. We do not even know when and where people first started to listen for music. It is obvious that music is as old as the human being in this world. We were listening to the different sounds and the type of rhythms even when we are not brought out to this world of noise and rhythms and music. Even those who think they are not musical person are able to differentiate between the rhythms and beat of music carefully and enthusiastically.

I would roughly separate music in two parts. First is stimulating music. This particular type of music affect us by it is inappropriate rhythm and stimulate to more actively acting like awaking after having a good sleep.

Second part is sedating music. Some of us would have this type of music because; it helps us to be more sedate when we need it. Many of us need music after a hard work. Some enjoy while the driving. We need it even when we are sad. Every our mood demands appropriate type of music. Even being an infant often we need music before sleeping. In most of the cultures it is practiced to sing sedating song to a child while sleeping. Music is even useful for warriors in war for encouraging them to be braver.

If to speak about the importance or the difference between country music and international music, no matter what we are listening to, traditional music is the part of particular culture. Each culture has various forms of music. We are free to choose whatever.

For conclusion I would say that, music is in our minds beginning from our birth until our death. Music is an inseparable part of this world. We cannot live without music being the part of this world of full noise and beat. I think, music is the same to our soul, like the bath to our body.

I am thankful in advance for your comments. I also dare to ask you to estimate my essay writing. I am preparing for IELTS General examination and will be very thankful if you would share your experience with me and estimate my essay writing and give approximate mark.

Writing Feedback / A healthy person: What do people do to stay healthy in your country? [2]

A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet gets a lot of exercise and avoids stress.
What do people do to stay healthy in your country?
Thesis statement: Every person should take care of his health.

Like in other countries, healthy life style and having healthy society is one of the main priorities of the country where I live now.
Fortunately, most of the people are born healthy but the main task is to be able to take care of the health which we have gained by the nature.

In the country where I live now people are having healthcare activities and they are being taught beginning from young age in order to have habits of healthcare. Sports activities are widely used in schools. Children in early age learn to do exercises and having fun playing team games like football, volleyball. It also helps them in future to avoid harmful habits like smoking, alcohols and weak nutrition. Physical education is also inseparable part of university studying program.

For adult people we have suitable jogging places and many stadiums. There are also a lot of swimming pools for people who do not like jogging. And they widely use these priorities for their health care ambitions.

Another part of healthcare process is to have good healthy food and diet. People have access to a wide system of information by the means of internet, TV, magazine where they easily find a lot of useful articles about the diet and healthcare. Most of the people also prefer food and products which are cultivated in more natural condition and look healthy.

Everybody here at least is willing to have pretty a good rest at the weekends spending time with family and friends it seems to help avoid stress after hard working week.

For conclusion, I would say that every person is free to choose his life style whether to be health or not but like in other countries in the country where I live now it is clearly defined that supporting people in healthcare education and means leads only for social benefits and only healthy people can create health and strong community.

I am very thankful in advance! please post your comments.

Writing Feedback / In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, [3]

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.
To what extend should children follow rules?

Raising a child is a hard task for human being. It is also 24 hours job for each parent. It is also the job for which people receive less formal training.

Commonly, parents are the models for their children`s behavior. In most situations in upbringing process parents use the models of their own parents. That is why upbringing methods is different and various in every family depending from the patterns they used to have.

Generally, bringing up a child needs to go through the discipline.
Through the discipline child learns to distinguish acceptable behavior. Discipline also needs to have consistency because inconsistency can lead a child to a rootless and to be confused.

Parents also need to set boundaries for their child. This helps a child to behave in wider society.
Children do not need to have boundaries in everything. In very young age child does not even know what all is about. That is why it is important to show him the main rules of behavior. It does not mean that a child cannot do anything himself. After some period of time his instincts will lead him to understand and distinguish right from wrong. Some patterns and habits need to be taught in order the child could has proper manners in society.

For conclusion I would say that there has no limit of setting boundaries for any child. Child learns everything from his own parents taking them as a model. But for each individual it is also important to have less or more freedom of activity. We cannot leave child to do whatever he wants to do. But we also should not limit all his actions and behavior.

I am thankful in advance for your reply.