Posts by yuvly

yuvly

Oct 7, 2010

Writing Feedback / My journey that led me to pursue physical therapy school [4]

there are repetition of ideas in this essay. you mentioned it twice or thrice that the career is not what you want to do in life.

otherwise everything seems just fine..did not notice grammatical errors.
very intriguing, detailed and informative.

yuvly

Sep 8, 2010

Writing Feedback / (SAT essay)ARE there heroes who will be remembered forever? [8]

Many people participated, but few ~~who~~ had good answers.

Others said that my question where ?? was knotty
But some ~~where~~ were good.
Leonardo Da ~~Vinch~~Vinci
the conclusion is interesting indeed, well i would give you a grade of 4 for the ideas.

yuvly

Sep 2, 2010

Writing Feedback / THE CAY, story about one trip in the in Caribbean Sea [8]

Phillip's family heard asound and saw the fire ,then they became afraid and the mother wanted to travel to another state which is VIRGIN but the hu sband and her son refused ~~that~~ . for seven days, no trading movement had been obe served in or out of Willemstad because of theGerman ship attacked every...

i believe the sentence structure is not so good.Also it is quite narrative thus becomes uninteresting and boring. lack of cohesion as well.

As consequence, ~~the~~ food and water became less.

the wife asked her hu sband to travel with her son to another state but the hasband told her that is more dangaures dangerous

because one British ship moved away to England ,far away across the dark water the Germans attacked it.

,for this reason the boy had a stronge headache and he became blind, they were eating fish (they caught flying fishes of the sea when they were jump out of the water )but the drinking water become less and no boat or eroplane aeroplane see them,also some Shrakes sharks attacked them.

you should try to use MSwords to correct basic grammatical errors.try to make the story more gripping by putting dialogues in it instead of making it narrative all the time.

yuvly

Sep 2, 2010

Writing Feedback / the media focuses too much on celebrity.how far do you agree?? a general paper essay [4]

The different means of communication which have influenced our daily lives is none other than the mediatic world.it is one of the most lucrative market wherein all frontiers are transcended,to provide the most significant information to people worldwide.However,nowadays more importance is being given to the world of glamour and fantasy.Celebrities use the media as a way to achieve more fame and make more money.

actually i don't really know what to write for this essay.help please.i need some points to develop

yuvly

Apr 28, 2010

Grammar, Usage / Two sentences; very short grammar question. [9]

For the first sentence, the idea is to convey that the price of the new model is twice that of the last years' models. therefore i think the sentence could have been

1.
The cost of the new model is twice that of the last years' model.

as for no2. i think the sentence construction does not sound good,
it could have been
2.He strongly felt that he should leave

yuvly

Apr 25, 2010

Essays / Prisons do more harm than good. Do you agree? [5]

- prisons actually do more harm because the criminals are stigmatised for life and it is difficult for them to integrate back in the society.

- since in prison the criminals are grouped together,they are prone to act violently and be rebellious

- it would be more apppropriate for them to help in the society than being jailed for e.g do social and forced manual works for a certain period of time so as to get a lesson from their mistake

- on an economic point of view, the government has lot of expenditure on them for their living and instead of building so many prisons, the same money could be used for other social purposes

- some criminals are even bullied and raped while being in prison which can contribute to make them even more hostile as once they have been victimised they can in turn become the tormentor.

yuvly

Apr 25, 2010

Writing Feedback / Science and religion cannot coexist.Write your views. [3]

thank you very much.it indeed has helped me a lot and also to interpret correctly Einstein's quote! As far as the warfare issue is concerned well, i thought that maybe because with the advent of science, man has created bombs and weapons which is to the detriment of the human race.Science is in a sense being misused!And as far as warfare in religion is concerned well, there is the misconception that usually people use religion as a reason to fight for e.g. to kind of uplift their religion but it can be just a hypothesis!

yuvly

Apr 24, 2010

Writing Feedback / Science and religion cannot coexist.Write your views. [3]

Science and religion are two different ideologies.Science is based upon what is predictable,evidences and the study of nature whereas religion deals with the ideologies passed from generations to generations derived from sacred texts.it requires belief and faith in the Supreme Being,that is God.Therefore, it can be said that the conflict between science and religion has been created by men.

Science was discovered much after religion and it was not fully accepted among religious people because it contradicted some of the theologies,for e.g. according to religion human beings came from Adam and Eve while Science contradict this theory to say that human beings come from the evolution of apes.Nonetheless,Science has helped in the evolution of men.it has enabled people to get founded proof upon the existence of the nature of things.

Theism has become less and less plausible nowaydays because science and technology has yielded to new perceptions and clearer human thoughts that has to some extent disturbed religious ideologies.However, for manny religious people, religion is an integral part of their lives as it helps them to have a standpoint in life. According to psychologists, if God didn't exist, man would have surely invented it as it is believed that it relieves fear,anxiety and frustrations by being assured of divine interventions in times of disasters. In a way,it provides the sense of certainty.

As far as the advances in science is concerned,it has enabled to unfold a plethora of answers freom prehistoric times to modern times.The strong evidences have contradicted the prevailing religious beliefs, views and opinions.Nevertheless,some fundamentalists refuse to accept scientific evidences whereas others adapt their beliefs accordingly to science evidences.it is therefore the root cause of conflict between science and religion.

Religion provides a sense of unity amongst men,for instance, in churches,they preach brotherhood.It also brings a sense of belonging in society and it establishes certain codes of conduct which bring about cooperation and cohesion in society among members.on the other hand though,it makes people more passive and obstruct creativity in men.it opposes progress and advancement unlike science which welcomes change,for e.g.religion is against abotion and contraceptions but in the world we are living,it is necessary to control birth rate so as to prevent overpopulation.

it is quite abstract and complex a doctrine yet it is still considered as ana important factor for the human survival.Why is it that people still believe in religion when science has progressed to such an extent that even artificial life is possible? well, there are certain domains which are still a mystery for scientists.Supernatural and paranormal activities still holds much mystery.therefore, people believe in both ideologies.many theists and scientists believe in both science and religion.Albert Einstein said:"science without religion is lame,religion without science is blind".this means that science and religion are mutually exclusive.

PS: I would like to elaborate more on this question on war caused by religion and war caused by science, could you help me on that please?

also i would like to know if the essay is coherent with the title. fanks!

yuvly

Apr 23, 2010

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Children must be taught to have balance between competitiveness and co-operation. [6]

The education of the children should not only be focused on competition as they would become automatons of the society.The education of the children should enable them to be all-rounders.they should not be only academic oriented but they should also be able to live in society as human beings,that is with feelings! in other words,the sense of competition does not allow humans to be friends but rivals at all levels.

yuvly

Apr 21, 2010

Essays / "Prevention is better than cure".Discuss this in relation to crime. [4]

i changed the introduction to:

the increasing rate of crime stems from the degeneration of societal and moral values.according to criminlogists, there are factors in the society; the culture and the governmental system which cause criminal behaviours, as it is believed that people are easily influenced. there are different types of criminal behaviour and according to researches a person is likely to be involved in criminal activities if the latter is exposed to violent surroundings and through scientific researches it is proved that genes can also influence criminal behaviours.

yuvly

Apr 19, 2010

Essays / "Prevention is better than cure".Discuss this in relation to crime. [4]

i request you to help me make the introduction more striking:

Crime, by definition, is the act of violating the law. It is obvious that the increasing rate of crime is due to the degeneration in our society and moral values no longer seem to have importance.According to criminologists, there are factors in the society,the cultures and system which causes potential criminals as it is believed that people are easily influenced.

what are the main ideas i can develop in the essay according to "prevention is better than cure"??

yuvly

Apr 19, 2010

Writing Feedback / To what extent does television a negative effect on society? [9]

People tend to spend more time watching television than spending their time in useful activities such as spending quality time with their family or exercising.Also, it contribute to make one's life become sedentary.

The television can lead to a development disorder in children esp.in the part of the brain.

Advertisements on television influence people, for e.g. on fast foods, or the icon of fashion.

yuvly

Apr 12, 2010

Writing Feedback / Loyalty essay [8]

" which means through in media. "
This part is quite blurry in the sentence.i can't figure out what you really mean unless you want to say that it's only through media that you learned about loyalty...

if my spelling ~~was~~ correct!
Well i think, you should rather use "is".

it is really ~~something~~ hard to find someone to trust.

The title of the literature dramas should be put in between inverted commas.

there was man who ~~lends~~ some money ~~from~~ a guy,
there was a man who lent some money to a guy.
lend to and borrow from
the conclusion is not so striking. the fact that you have made a contrast between the two plays seems that you are well conversant with literature, but do focus on the subject..do not go in deep details with the examples. good luck.

yuvly

Apr 10, 2010

Writing Feedback / My intro paragraph: a cause and effect essay on getting my first hamster [5]

according to me,the introduction is not so striking.
"Around my eleventh birthday I asked my mom if I could get a hamster. She said yes, so a little before my birthday and she took me to Gaiser Pets to pick one out . "

i would advise you to change the sentence structure and use a more flourishing language.
also, try to write a little on what interested you in hamsters. focus on the subject on whicg you are writing.limit yourself to things that are close in time.

yuvly

Apr 8, 2010

Undergraduate / what are the threats technology has imposed on modern life? [2]

technology has become an integrant part of our lives today.with it's advent people have been able to evolve economically and socially.and it has proved to be beneficial to the human.Yet, because the technology is being misused by certain people,technology has a negative impact on modern life.

the internet is the widely used technology as it has allowed the world to become a global village.People can communicate with each other over long distances.Also, thid technology has provided a variety of facilities for e.g. information can easily be shared onlune,e-learning and telecommuting can be done.Yet again, people do misuse this technology.For instance,private and confidential informations can be divulged on forums or in chatrooms.

moreover,there is no control over the proliferation of information on the internet thus people can be negatively influenced for e.g by pornographic materials or teenagers may be victims of pedophiles or cyber-bullying.

the television is another basic technology which has nagative impacts on the modern life.The young generation are influenced by the serials and other programmes which have totally changed their mindset,opinions and morals.since we are more exposed to western cultures,the youths try to adopt the same lifestyles which does impacts on the cultural heritage of our country.

indeed technology has made life easier;house chores can be done with appliances;people live more comfortably but all these contribute to make us live a sedenatry life.people no longer practise physical activities.it is predicted that children born in the year 2000 and beyong might have a short lifespan of 20 -30 years.

**what other points can i add please??