Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are our decisions always limited by the rules of society? [3]

Hi, this is another SAT practice essay from me. Comments are greatly appreciated!

Prompt:Are we free to make our own choices in life, or are our decisions always limited by the rules of society?

Being free to make our own decisions in life has always been the dream of many people, but in the real world this dream is unequivocally chimerical. We are well aware of the restriction of the society has on our decisions. Both the set of written rules, such as the Intellectual Property Rights Law (2007) in the law of China, and the set of unwritten social code of conduct, as demonstrated in the novel "Lady of the Camellias" by Alexandre Dumas, show that societal restrictions on our decisions are inevitable; however, sometimes these restrictions are beneficial for the society at large.

China's newly enforced IPR Law is an epitome of how people are subjected to a set of written rules. Before this law was enforced in 2007, piracy was rampant across China. People feel incentivised to practise piracy because it brings about easy money. Multinational businesses however find this offense very serious as it caused the loss of profits in many firms; thus many firms have contemplated shifting out of China. However, after the law was passed, together with strict enforcement of the law, the number of IPR violation cases every year dropped to half. As people are banned from practising piracy, they are forced to a more honest way of doing business, which is a good thing for the community. At the same time, multinational businesses are happier with China, thus their investment in China would be more assured. Clearly, this example shows that people have to abide by the rule of society, and this restriction from committing economic crime in China has done the society good.

People's decisions are also restricted by the unwritten code of conduct of the society. This idea is clearly portrayed in the novel "Lady of the Camellias" by Alexandre Dumas. The female protagonist of the novel is Margueritte, a courtesan who goes against the societal norm for ladies to be meek and abide by arranged marriage. She chooses to love Armand, a poor young man who love her passionately, which is also unorthodox for a courtesan, as a courtesan usually would go for the richest. Despite her free spirit, Margueritte has to leave Armand, on the request of Armand's father, so as not to taint the reputation of Armand's family and allow Armand's sister to be married in a good family, as it is widely acknowledged that a relationship with a courtesan is an infamous act, blemishing the future of not only the man but also his family. Even the freest spirit of Margueritte has to comply with the unwritten code of the French society. This novel thus shows the vulnerability of people against the rules of society, even the freest is not free to choose their course of life.

Overall, the analysis of both the written rules of laws and the unwritten rules of society has shown that people can do nothing but to comply with such rules of society. Though sometimes such rules bring about a better prospect to the society, more often than not such restrictions infringe on personal freedom and make life less ideal. And yet, there is nothing we can do to resist such rules. People are helpless against the rules of society.

Writing Feedback / SAT essay: Is censorship sometimes justifiable? [10]

Hello,

This is another SAT practice essay from me. I personally feel that the third point is not really strong. Can you give me some suggestions, about my command of language, as well as content? Thank you so much!

Topic: Is censorship sometimes justifiable?

According to the United Nation, human rights include freedom of speech and freedom of expression. Based on this definition, many people believe that censorship is a flagrant infringement on human rights, and thus it should not be tolerated. However, I believe that censorship can be justified. Through a discussion of censorship of history textbooks in Japan, censorship against racism in Singapore and move ratings, this essay seeks to show the benefits of censorship to the community.

The censorship of Japan's war crimes in Japan's history textbooks shows us that censorship is necessary to preserve national pride. In all history textbooks used in Japan, atrocious war crimes such as their cruelties in World War II, most notably the systemised raping and pillage of Japanese soldiers in the rape of Nanking, China, are only briefly mentioned as parts of the wars, all the grotesque details prohibited. Though China accuses Japan of distorting history, this is necessary to maintain the national pride in Japanese students, especially for those younger students whose opinions and impressions of the country are still in the shaping. Therefore, the censorship can be justified if it is used wisely for the good of the nation.

Censorship is also justified in Singapore to ensure social cohesion and racial harmony. In a multi-racial country like Singapore, a caustic racist remark can trigger conflict that threatens the social cohesion that took Singapore decades to cultivate. As such, the Media Development Authority (MDA) prohibits the use of derogatory language or insensitive remarks against any races in any form of media, be it printed media like newspapers or the new media- the Internet. This ensures the mutual respect between different races, and thus protects social cohesion in a fragile society like Singapore. Therefore, in cases like this, censorship should be justified.

The movie ratings system is the most common type of censorship, and it is reasonable as it protects the minds of the young against violence and sexually explicit materials shown in movies. Massive research done on movies containing violence, foul language and sexually explicit materials has shown that exposure to such materials at a young age can lead to psychological instability for viewers and make them more prone to committing juvenile delinquency. As such, the movies are often rated from Parental Guidance to NC17, M18 and in some countries R21, to protect viewers from viewing dangerous materials unsuitable for their age. The movie ratings system thus is a necessary form of censorship to bar the young from being exposed to harmful materials through movies.

Overall, censorship is justified in many cases, as it seeks to maintain social stability, racial harmony and to protect the young minds from dangerous materials in movies. However, once misused, censorship can violate human rights principles of freedom of speech and freedom of expression. Due to the complexity of censorship, the government needs to be prudent in using censorship to the best interest of the society.

Writing Feedback / SAT: even though having a good leader is important, we should not blindly follow his decision [5]

This is my SAT practice essay, I would love to have some advice or suggestions on how to improve it. Thanks in advance!

Topic: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of those in positions of authority?

Essay:
For the society to function without chaos, a good leader to guide the rest in the correct direction to achieve the common goal is essential. However, when ideas and decisions of these people in positions of authority are misguided, blindly following these leaders would be severely injurious to the future of the society. It is thus important to question the ideas and decisions of those in positions of authority, as meek obedience can engender catastrophic consequences as seen from China's famine under Mao Zedong, German students' prejudice against the Jews due to the biased teaching of German teachers during Nazi and the grand Ponzi scheme of Bernie Madoff.

Mao Zedong might be a hero in China's history, but his actions that devastated the country's economy and led to the catastrophic famine in 1960s should never have been absolved. Mao embarked on a grand scheme called 'The Great Leap Forward' in which the whole population was relocated to the countryside, to live in communes and produce steel from rudimentary tools. His hope to industrialise the country was crushed as the plan failed at the expense of Chinese citizens. Thousands of tonnes of steel were wasted as it was not qualified to be used in any industry. Focusing on producing steel led to a severe shortage of food, which killed millions of people just within five years. Granted that Mao had the supreme power in China at that time, had anybody dared to speak up and question Mao's decision, perhaps such tragedy would not have happened.

The German teachers during the Nazi period were also the epitome of how people in positions of authority could be mistaken. These teachers played an essential role in shaping the mindset of young German. However, what the teachers passed down to the students were nothing but hatred and prejudice against the Jews. They led the students to believe that the Jews were inferior and that they did not deserve to exist. These prejudiced teachers had nurtured generations of xenophobic Germans who enlisted or took part in condemning the existence of the Jews in one way or another when they grew up. If the teachings of these teachers had been questioned, there would have been considerably less unfounded hatred towards to Jews.

Lastly, the grand Ponzi scheme caused by Bernie Madoff serves as a painful reminder for us that blindly following a leader without questioning his belief and actions would engender severe consequences. Madoff was the CEO of a stock-market company and the senior financial advisor of many companies; his voice was highly trusted. This allowed him to make profits for himself from the gargantuan amount of investment and lose all of it, causing millions of Americans become broke and out of jobs after just one night. The financial crisis was so severe that even other economies in the world also collapsed, like a Domino effect. Had Madoff's unscrupulous actions been questioned sooner, such debilitating situations could have been avoided.

Overall, a careful analysis of all the above cases shows us that even though having a good leader is important, we should not blindly follow his decision. Questioning their ideas and decisions is a good way to make sure that our leaders are on the right track. After all, we would thrive if we heed the wise words of a capable and morally upright leader, and questioning the leaders' ideas and decisions helps us decide whether our leaders are the ones we need.