Posts by richardaddo

richardaddo

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / "The Extended Opportunities Program and Services" - extracurricular activity [6]

elected ~~to be the~~ President
Overall it is good but I agree with em2always. You can improve it by doing as she said.

Thanks a lot for helping with my Brown essays, but I would like you to tell me your overall comment on the advice essay. Do you think I answered the prompt accurately....Right now, I don't know if I have to change it or go with that advice.

Good luck

richardaddo

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / Brown Supplement: Best Piece of Advice. "Side Effects of Perfect" [3]

So I stopped. I mean it. Frankly, I do not think this part is really necessary as the following sentence goes to say the same thing.

You have a great essay there. Thanks for commenting on mine.

richardaddo

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / Window into the gym - Williams Supplement [3]

You have a nice essay there, but I believe you should find a way to replace some of the I see

I also think you have to work more on the part that asks you why what you are seeing is meaningful to you. for example, I see the Spartan Classic trophies, a reminder of three years of disappointing races there. Next to the trophy cases, I see my coach's office with its ice machine and self-massage equipment, where I have spent countless hours learning how to counter the damage of hard trainingHow are these meaningful to you now

richardaddo

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "We can learn anywhere and anytime" - activities or work experiences [2]

I became a volunteer worker at Yayasan Bina Insan Mandiri, a foundation that which established a free school for ... . The Foundation established a free school for poor

The students in this school isare

Being a volunteer ~~worker~~

but also provide a very valuable lesson ~~and~~I cannot I get when

Even among them, there are those who have to work to help their parents to buy food and daily necessities to them. Although they have the economic slump, but my students always show the joy and enthusiasm for learning while in class. This made me more aware, that I should always give thanks to God and makes me more convinced that there is no single reason that can prevent us to learn. Learning is not something we can do only when in school. We can learn anywhere and anytime. . frankly you have to find something else to replace all this. They want to know more about you and why you will be a good member of the campus community

richardaddo

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "School literary magazine" - Extracurricular short answer [4]

I think it would be much better if you could further explain why by grade 10 you had submitted 3 pieces under your real name. How come you were not shy anymore. Maybe you could say that the acclaim you received for your first piece completely dispelled your shyness.

I think it would be much better this way. I've grown a lot through the Blazer, not only as a writer. While I tried to get the best out of every writer in my capacity as the leader, I learned when to praise and when to critique, when to get involved and what to step away.

Maybe you could find a better way but I believe mine is much better.

richardaddo

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "the department of Materials Science and engineering" - Why Stanford? [4]

Frankly, I don't like this part. Every one seems to be writing about the extracurricular activities and I bet the admission officers will be tired of reading stuff like this

What I am looking for in a university are limitless possibilities, and Stanford can offer this. Apart from the excellent academic environment there are so many volunteering opportunities and extracurricular activities available. Stanford is the only university I know that has a windsurfing club and I would love to audition for ensembles like University Singers and Symphonic Chorus.

Try to find something different about Stanford and relate to the field you want to explore. Let it seem as though there is no other college that can provide you with what you need and I think you will be accepted that way. Try to be different.

richardaddo

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "the mechanics of nature is intriguing" Intellectually engaging experience Stanford [3]

or absent when Thorium undergoes nuclear fission OR when Thorium is used in the process

but the small amount that is has a much shorter half-life I think you need to revise this part because one who is not a scientist will not really understand what you are trying to say.

Overall, you got a nice essay there.

richardaddo

Dec 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "the future sexualization of men" - Stanford intellectual vitality [5]

is it possible that...
The use of an physical attractiveness...
where the person is looked upon solely for his or her body. Here, I think you are not getting your message across properly. I don't understand what you are trying to say. May be, you could eliminate that part of the sentence.

I am also applying to Stanford but I still haven't decided what to write about. I must say you have a nice idea there. Just work on it and you will be great.

richardaddo

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "loved competition and teamwork" - Extracurricular Activity Short Answer [5]

The elders not only intrigued me by relating science to life

richardaddo

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "an international student from Germany" - WHY columbia? CommonApp [5]

I liked your essay but I think it would be much better if you could delve more into the specifics about Columbia. Many universities out there can boast of diversity.

richardaddo

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "from the Frisbee to the players" - Looking through a window, Williams [7]

I like your essay especially the description, but I think you did not really tell why what you are seeing is meaningful to you.

richardaddo

Sep 29, 2010

Scholarship / "Only If He Had A Vision" - critique my Questbridge essay. [5]

Thanks lanes for the comment. What you said is right. I have drafted another essay and I would be very grateful if you could proofread it and tell me if it answers the question now. I have to submit this essay tomorrow before 11.59 PTC

ONLY IF HE HAD A BETTER VIEW

Having exchanged pleasantries, I asked, "Where do you school?" "Do you think you can succeed?" he retorted. "Look at where we live. It's a deprived community, no good roads, poor water and electricity supply and inadequate social amenities. This is where we belong and we are destined to be like this. Even education cannot change your status," he added.

If I could, I would change the people's perception of education. The inhabitants of Abelemkpe, the low-income suburb of Accra where I live, have yielded to poverty and are in the depths of despair. They believe it would take a miracle to improve upon their current condition. Belonging to a world where every child has the right to education, most people in the community view education as merely a right, and not a necessity. Some parents do not enroll their children in school at all while most of the children who are fortunate to enter school drop out, without completing their basic education. Their reason is that even if they graduate from basic school, paying for their secondary education will become a problem and they will eventually have to quit.

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind," Williams James, the proverbial psychologist, once said. I am fortunate to have realized this early in life. At a point in time, while I went through the difficult times in basic school, I was overwhelmed with frustration and thought of quitting too. But I had a vision. I wanted to be a doctor. I realized that education is not for the rich alone and that with determination, I could achieve this dream despite my financial background. Fortunately, I was offered a scholarship to facilitate my stay at senior high school and not only did I attend school virtually for free, but also I outshined my counterparts who came from wealthy homes.

From the perspective of the inhabitants of my community, education is a privilege for those who are well-to-do. This fallacy has hindered most people from achieving their full potential. Having an education, I believe, would better the lives of people here significantly. It is my firm conviction that changing the people's view of education, though it will not have an immediate impact, will have a far-reaching benefit than any other change that could be effected in the community. With an education, one could set up a little business venture and with the management skills acquired, become one of the nation's top businessmen someday.

I have a goal to achieve and I know that I am not limited just because I come from a low-income family. I wish I could get my people to understand this too, ensure every child gets an education, and witness the change it would bring.

richardaddo

Sep 27, 2010

Scholarship / "Only If He Had A Vision" - critique my Questbridge essay. [5]

I was applying through commonapp until I was told about questbridge just last week. I had to quickly write the essays and as of now I have been able to come up with this. The deadline is September 30.

I would appreciate every comment and suggestions.

Prompt: If you could change one thing about your community, what would it be and why?

ONLY IF HE HAD A VISION

Hellen Keller once said, "The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision." This, I remember each time I find my peer dissipating his energy unprofitably.

While on my way to church for the Youth Meeting, I met Francis, my classmate back then in Grade 3. Having exchanged pleasantries, I asked, "Where do you school?" "Do you think you can succeed?", he retorted. "Look at where we live. It's a deprived community, no good roads, poor water and electricity supply and inadequate social amenities. This is where we belong and we are destined to be like this," he added.

If I could, I would change the mindset of the people in my low-income community. The inhabitants of Alajo, the small suburb of Accra where I live, have yielded and are in the depths of despair. They believe it would take a miracle to improve upon their current condition. The parents do menial jobs and the children, who do not attend school, spend the day playing and performing house chores. Most families live from hand to mouth and life to them is all about finding something to eat to stay alive.

Despite the fact that I am just nineteen years old, I have come to realize that with vision, determination and perseverance, everything is attainable. I had my elementary education in an underprivileged school with rooms which leaked whenever it rained. Nobody thought I could make it into one of the best public senior high schools in Ghana. Some said my achievement was a miracle. But my younger brother, whom I inculcated vision into, is also currently in the same senior high school I attended and is outshining those from the wealthy families.

"Why the outlook of the people when there are several things that need to be changed?" Yes!, we are poor. Yes!, we live in an underprivileged community. Yes!, we do not enjoy the amenities of life currently. Yes!, we are downtrodden. But it is my firm conviction that if we could set our sights on visions and focus on them, then with determination and perseverance we will attain everything we want in life, and out plight will end. This change, to me, will have a higher impact than any other change that can be effected in the community. Not everyone has to go through school to effect this change. But if the people could let go of the current mindset, set targets, and work towards them, then everybody's current situation will change for the better.

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind," goes Williams James' saying. I am fortunate to have realized this early in life and I believe that if the people in my community could do the same, then our community would be an utterly different one in the not-too-distant future.

Thanks in advance.