Undergraduate /
UT Topic A -- Influential Person (My Parents) [6]
Hi all, this is my essay for University of Texas undergrad admission.
Topic: Write about someone who has had an influence of your life and explain that influence.
This is only a first draft of my essay, so if you guys would offer any constructive criticism, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, I think my ending is a little shaky so if anyone could think of ways to make it more powerful, I would also greatly appreciate that.
I want this to be really good, so please be brutally honest in your criticism. [But I worked really hard on this so some good ol' flattery would be appreciated also! :-) ].My eyes stared wide as the buildings drew closer and closer, then started whizzing by at a hundred miles per hour. And then, there was touchdown, and the beginning of my new life in the city of Hong Kong. That first flight between my old home in India and my new one in Hong Kong is one of my earliest memories. My father had worked hard to come here so that he could provide a better life for his family. Ever since those early years my parents had shown me the value of family and of excelling in every endeavor I undertook.
I soon began attending school in Hong Kong. I was enormously excited for my first day of school in a new city, but when I got there, my hopes quickly faded. I realized that not only did I look different from all my classmates; I did not even speak the same language as many of them! I also learned that my classmates were leaps and bounds ahead of me in terms of academics, but I was determined to catch up with them and fit in as quickly as possible. Every day after school, I would sit with my mom and learn everything that my classmates had already been taught. In just six weeks, I learned how to read, write, and do basic arithmetic, and I went form being an underdog to being one of the best students I the class! Those long hours of studying also taught me the values of patience, hard work, and perseverance. Perhaps more importantly, as I looked proudly at my report card, I saw the tangible benefits those values can have.
While I was succeeding in the classroom, my father was hard at work looking for a still better life for his family. Remaining true to his values of excellence and advancement, my father moved again, this time to the United States. I was again thrust into a new school, but to my surprise, what I had learned in Hong Kong paid off, and this time I was the one who was leaps and bounds ahead of my classmates! At around the same time, my mom decided to pursue her own dream of becoming an engineer, and she went back to college to get her second masters degree. By doing this, my mom not only taught, but showed me the value of a good education, and of pursuing your dreams. Because she would no longer be at home with me after school, my mom also indirectly taught me how to be self-reliant and independent. I learned how to make dinner or myself, how to take care of my little sister, and how to eschew the TV in favor of a textbook so that I could study for my next exam.
My parents have been without a doubt the most influential people in my life. In the ugliest of situations - in new schools and new countries, my parents have taught me valuable lessons through their own actions that I will never forget.
