blueberry6
Oct 23, 2010
Undergraduate / "American Dream; a highly selective liberal arts college" - Smith College Supplement [4]
Thankyou, will alter it!
Thankyou, will alter it!
blueberry6
Oct 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "American Dream; a highly selective liberal arts college" - Smith College Supplement [4]
Imagine that you are the director of admission at a highly selective liberal arts college and you had to choose from among a group of very well-qualified applicants. Aside from excellent academic performance, what one characteristic would be most important to you in making your decision? Why? (Limit response to 150 words)
The American Dream: Attesting the defiance of the panacea of the possibility to come from nothing and rise to everything, against all odds.
So why can't everyone achieve the American Dream?
To me, a bridge exists between the realms of mere possibility and reality.
It is called lateral thought.
An innate ability. An opportunity. A gift. Potential to transcend all odds. Potential that Smith could hone, to empower an individual with the platform to achieve unbelievable heights. In a world that is constantly changing, and in America, the land where such precedents for change are set, the ability to think laterally would distinguish an individual from the rest. It is the characteristic that separates the ones who will be remembered from the ones who will not. For in a world of change, the former are the facilitators of development. The ones who make history.
Any feedback would be appreciated!
Thanks in advance
Imagine that you are the director of admission at a highly selective liberal arts college and you had to choose from among a group of very well-qualified applicants. Aside from excellent academic performance, what one characteristic would be most important to you in making your decision? Why? (Limit response to 150 words)
The American Dream: Attesting the defiance of the panacea of the possibility to come from nothing and rise to everything, against all odds.
So why can't everyone achieve the American Dream?
To me, a bridge exists between the realms of mere possibility and reality.
It is called lateral thought.
An innate ability. An opportunity. A gift. Potential to transcend all odds. Potential that Smith could hone, to empower an individual with the platform to achieve unbelievable heights. In a world that is constantly changing, and in America, the land where such precedents for change are set, the ability to think laterally would distinguish an individual from the rest. It is the characteristic that separates the ones who will be remembered from the ones who will not. For in a world of change, the former are the facilitators of development. The ones who make history.
Any feedback would be appreciated!
Thanks in advance
blueberry6
Aug 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Hair of Silver with a Heart of Gold" [4]
I think it's better suited towards category 1. I think however you need to go into more detail on the impact this experience has had on you..
I hope this helps :)
I think it's better suited towards category 1. I think however you need to go into more detail on the impact this experience has had on you..
I hope this helps :)
blueberry6
Aug 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "say curiosity and determination" - Stanford essay: Note to Roommate [8]
I think its a great essay, but since its supposed to be a note to your room mate maybe a little less formal tone?
I love the para on feminism, but maybe the para before on culture should be made more personal?
just some suggestions, but it is a good essay
I think its a great essay, but since its supposed to be a note to your room mate maybe a little less formal tone?
I love the para on feminism, but maybe the para before on culture should be made more personal?
just some suggestions, but it is a good essay
blueberry6
Aug 29, 2010
Undergraduate / About Athletics, Undergrad Common App Short Essay - one of you activities [5]
Thanks for the feedback, I re wrote it again feel free to critique it!
I tensed myself and looked ahead, concentrating on my track, waiting for the starter's gun to go off. Each time it is a new experience. Whether it be the 100m or 200m sprint, or even high jump, the feeling is exhilarating.
Athletics has been an integral part of my life. Ever since I was a child, I loved running. As I grew older, I progressed from races in the playground, to school meets and later to inter-school meets.
Waking up everyday at 5am for training didn't bother me. The training got more rigorous with time, but I didn't mind that - after all this was what I loved doing. The medals I won over the years, motivated me to persevere.
Above all athletics has taught me the importance of team work and that only with hard work and determination can you succeed.
10 years later, it is still my passion
Thanks for the feedback, I re wrote it again feel free to critique it!
I tensed myself and looked ahead, concentrating on my track, waiting for the starter's gun to go off. Each time it is a new experience. Whether it be the 100m or 200m sprint, or even high jump, the feeling is exhilarating.
Athletics has been an integral part of my life. Ever since I was a child, I loved running. As I grew older, I progressed from races in the playground, to school meets and later to inter-school meets.
Waking up everyday at 5am for training didn't bother me. The training got more rigorous with time, but I didn't mind that - after all this was what I loved doing. The medals I won over the years, motivated me to persevere.
Above all athletics has taught me the importance of team work and that only with hard work and determination can you succeed.
10 years later, it is still my passion
blueberry6
Aug 14, 2010
Undergraduate / About Athletics, Undergrad Common App Short Essay - one of you activities [5]
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
I tensed my self and looked ahead of me, waiting for the starters gun to go off. Concentrating only on the track ahead of me, i had done this so many times before, but each time was a new experience. God i love this feeling.
Athletics has been an integral part of my life, ever since my young days i loved running. As i grew older, this love became more serious, from races in the play ground i progressed to school meets and later on inter school meets where i represented my school. It didn't bother me that I had to get up at 5am everyday to train with my school coach and then again in the afternoon with a national coach, I didn't mind that everyday the training became more rigourous, this is what I loved doing, Over the years I have experimented with various events, both tack and field such as the 100,200, 4 x 100 as well as high jump. Having won medals on both a school and inter school level my love and enthusiasm towards athletics only grew stronger. Despite running for the past 8 years, the feeling I get when im on that track still overwhelms me.
hi,
im new to this whole thing, and this is my first attempt - it would be really great to get some feed back on this coz i think its pretty crappy
thanks
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
I tensed my self and looked ahead of me, waiting for the starters gun to go off. Concentrating only on the track ahead of me, i had done this so many times before, but each time was a new experience. God i love this feeling.
Athletics has been an integral part of my life, ever since my young days i loved running. As i grew older, this love became more serious, from races in the play ground i progressed to school meets and later on inter school meets where i represented my school. It didn't bother me that I had to get up at 5am everyday to train with my school coach and then again in the afternoon with a national coach, I didn't mind that everyday the training became more rigourous, this is what I loved doing, Over the years I have experimented with various events, both tack and field such as the 100,200, 4 x 100 as well as high jump. Having won medals on both a school and inter school level my love and enthusiasm towards athletics only grew stronger. Despite running for the past 8 years, the feeling I get when im on that track still overwhelms me.
hi,
im new to this whole thing, and this is my first attempt - it would be really great to get some feed back on this coz i think its pretty crappy
thanks
