Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Penasteph07
Joined: Sep 11, 2010
Last Post: Sep 18, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 11  

Displayed posts: 14
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Penasteph07   
Sep 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "living in a third world country" - significant experience [9]

Evaluate a significant experience and its impact on you.

When an opportunity presents itself, I hope that I can identify with it in order to take advantage of it. I was given the opportunity to do missionary work in an orphanage in Nicaragua, regardless of the discomforts, I had to adjust to living in a third world country. I thought the children would be bitter and distressed due to the conditions they were living in. These children wore the same clothes every day and they only had each other to play with. They were abandoned and were not allowed to be adopted due to legal issues. Despite their struggles, they were full of life; they radiated smiles and laughter. Their optimism showed me that under any circumstance, anyone can be happy. I went there to serve their needs without expecting anything in return, but I received a positive perspective of life.

When I arrived home, I found out my parents were separated. Although it was the hardest misfortune I had to accept, and while it could've torn me down, I was grateful and reminded myself of blessings that I have. Instead of asking why an event happened out of my hands or seeking to see the bigger picture, I have faith that it will reveal in its own time. Through my troubles I have molded myself to transform broken things into beautiful. Remembering the humbleness of the children, I know that I can face every challenge by embracing life.
Penasteph07   
Sep 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Blind Grade" - Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you. [4]

This sentence seems a bit choppy. Try reading it aloud.
When the mixed teams and the labs where the teams were to prepare for the debate were announced, everyone went fast to see their teammates and trainers, and so did I.

Try this: When the mixed teams and the labs, where the teams prepared for the debate, were announced, everyone, including me, went quickly to see their teammates and trainers.

Also, you should focus more on how meeting Ali influenced you, rather than the story itself.

Try condensing the story.
Penasteph07   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "Embracing life and not battlig it" - Significant Experience & its Impact on Me [8]

PROMPT: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (250 words)

The summer before freshmen year, I was given the opportunity to restore an orphanage in Nicaragua, a third world country.

I had to adjust to the settings of not having air conditioning, sleeping on thin mattresses on the floor, eating unpleasant food, taking cold showers, and risking the chance of catching a virus. I thought that when I meet the children, they would look like the kids in commercials, crying because I would have. These are children that wear the same clothes everyday because they have no other option. They had no toys but each other to play with. They were left abandoned, and have no chance of becoming adopted because the paperwork is complicated, yet they radiate smiles and laughter.

When I came home from my trip, a few weeks later my parents were separated. Although, it was the hardest misfortune I had to accept, I was grateful and reminded myself of blessings that I have. My parents are alive, I have brothers and a sister to share memories with, and I have a home and food to eat. When my life doesn't turn out the way I want it to, instead of asking why, under the circumstance that an event happened out of my hands, I do not seek to see the bigger picture, but I have faith that it will reveal in its own time. Remembering the humbleness of the children, I know that I can face every challenge by embracing life and not battling it.

PLEASE: Should I take anything out? What words do I need better vocabulary? Do I capture the essence of the prompt, or do I lose focus?
Penasteph07   
Sep 13, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Fathers Impact" ApplyTexas Application Essay A [3]

When you say "pail ground" pail refers to bucket, im sure you mean "pale"

The fact that we were talking was meaningful to me.

Try not to repeat "things"
For example, "This was one of the hardest things I had ever done."
Instead, say "That was hardest challenge presented thus far in my life."

In paragraph, 5 you repeat the word meeting, try to replace the word.

Place semi-colon. "Not knowing him as a child, I never blamed him for what my family went through; in what I went through."
Penasteph07   
Sep 11, 2010
Undergraduate / 'reevaluation of my life' - Vires, Artes, Mores : Strength, Skill, Character [7]

It takes a foundation, strength to carry that foundation, and craft to build an amazing person.

I find my character based upon principles. For every imperfection in my life, my principles are the compass that points north. Two years ago I was in a manipulative relationship, where I was being controlled and constantly treated inferior. My family has been my support system and I learned to communicate with them rather than to keep secrets. With the help of my family, I was able to say stop. I was able to be the driver again and be honest to myself, instead of the passenger who watched life go downhill behind a mask.

Strength means to have firmness and potency in effectiveness. Having moral strength takes knowing what values I stand up for such as integrity. I seek to find long term happiness rather than instant gratification then later on regretting about my decision. There is a fine line between right and wrong, and I choose the right path to be an example. I am the leader of my youth group and I have learned "it is no use walking anywhere to preach, unless our walking is our preaching," (St. Francis of Assisi). Intellectual strength involves effectiveness in order to have my goals, priorities, and work done with time and quality, since I am responsible for my life, my academic status, and my extracurricular activities. Morality as well as intellect continues to be the strength that holds me down at all times.

Pursuits to success are taken with beauty in skill. As the leader of the Performing Arts Club, I have been a strong believer of showcasing unused talents to blossom and have a positive effect on all students. I earned the privilege of seeing my peers partake in an activity they enjoy doing and watching their confidence boost day by day. My role as vice-president is to assist in organizing the layouts, music, costuming, and choreography of all shows. The skill of being able to make aspirations for the club a reality takes a strong leader who listens to all suggestions and makes decisions people are satisfied with. Having a team of my own involves dedication, cooperation, and trust.

Becoming what I am today took a reevaluation of my life. I always take time to renew myself so that I'm being consistent in what I stand up for. Who I am and the service I immerse myself in reflect the wise words that Florida State University uses as a guiding philosophy. It would be an honor to be a Seminole foundation where the students live a testimonial life to "Vires, Artes, and Mores."
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