Undergraduate / Why are you drawn to biology, science, society. [2]

Hey guys! Can you please check out my answer to "Why are you drawn to the academic fields cited in question 6?" It's also for Brown. The due date is fast approaching and I really need all of your help! :) The italicized part bellow seems awkward to me; but the info it contains is the important part of the answer. Do you have any idea of how I can reword it?? Again, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP! :)

One day, I hope to give all the people of my country the chance to a healthy lifestyle - something many of the Filipinos are deprived of today. In order to see all this come true, I intend to become a doctor someday and join the Philippine's Department of Health. In line with this vision, I intend to take either Human Biology or Science and Society if I get into Brown. I believe that BIOA especially will give me all the preparation I need for med school through its rigorous science program. However, I know that knowledge in the humanities is also crucial if I want to become a good doctor in the fullest sense. BIOA and SCSO, unlike other regular intensive science pre-med degrees, will teach me to understand how cold hard scientific data and human and societal behavior are interrelated. Such an understanding will equip me with all that I need to become the doctor I aspire to be - not just an indifferent stranger in a white lab coat but rather a humanitarian, a philosopher

Undergraduate / "The pen is mightier than the sword": Elaborate on an extracurricular activity [4]

Hey guys! Here is my short essay for the common app.

Some background info: I'm the Editor-in-Chief of the school paper; I didn't state this explicitly in the essay because I already mentioned it in my list of extracurricular activities. I also didn't explain what the school paper really is because that is already a given kind of thing. What I wanted to focus on is my passion for writing and why I do write in the first place. Please tell me what you think!! :) Thanks so much!!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.

My country's national hero, Jose Rizal, once said, "The pen is mightier than the sword" and this I never did doubt. For I know that there is a word to combat every emotion I feel - be it anger, grief, or bliss. Through reading and writing, I am able to find solace I can't find anywhere else. After just a few minutes of skimming through paragraphs, words are able to ignite feelings I never knew were there; words are able to shed light on things I never completely understood. It is precisely all this, the power of words, that motivates me to write for the school paper. Through my writing, I am able to celebrate with the entire school all the good that happens with in our bricks walls. However, I am also able to bring to surface issues that need to be addressed. With every article I write, I try my very best to give my fellow schoolmates that same sense of security and enlightenment that words have provided me. Now, I not only write for myself but for others as well.

Undergraduate / "Spotlights and Steering Wheels" - Common Application Essay [5]

Hey guys! Here is a really rough draft of an essay that could potentially be used for my Common Application. (This is not my final essay and I am still in the process of writing other ones.) This essay would probably fall under the "significant experience" topic choice. Please be brutally honest and tell me what you think. Let me know if it's just plain average or if it's utter bull even. Tell me also if I sound unoriginal and pretentious (but I assure you, I tried to be as honest as I could possibly could.. I just hope it translates into my writing). Anyway, thank you for all the help. Looking forward to reading your comments and suggestions!

A low buzz of voices fills the room as the audience starts to pour in. Backstage, people are running frantically back and forth; some retouching their lip gloss, others rehearsing their lines one last time. As all the hubbub carries on, I sit there quietly in a corner, making the sign of the cross and offering up all of this to Him. I take a peek at the audience and see that everyone is almost seated - it is a full house. Someone from the technical team shouts "We've got five minutes!" I take a deep breath which helps me overcome my pre-show jitters. The auditorium is pitch black as the house lights are switched off. The crowd, as if on cue, goes silent, excited for what they are about to see. It is indeed ShowTime. Finally, the spotlight shines.

However, it is not I standing beneath that solitary light.

All my life, I have been a Performer; but I continued to sit there backstage, praying and hoping for the best for my friend out on stage, because that time, I was the Director - of my class's Sophomore Musical to be exact. I knew what it was like to have one's moment: that adrenaline that pumps through your veins as you have your own solo, that nerve-racking yet exhilarating feeling of being the singular sensation up there on that stage, that irreplaceable feeling of accomplishment and euphoria once the audience cheers and applauds your performance. There was definitely nothing like having your time to stand out. However I knew that my own time under that spotlight had already ended and now, it was time to shine it on others.

For the longest time, I thought being a director meant having the privilege to boss people around and occasionally yell out "And 5, 6, 7, 8!!" However, through the sophomore musical experience, it dawned upon me that being a director was not just about being a leader but more so, being a servant-leader. What I have failed to recognize over the years was that holding positions of power and greatness ties you inexplicitly to being a leader and being a leader entails sacrifice, patience, and most importantly, service. Yes, you may hold the steering wheel and call out the orders but remember it is your responsibility to everyone on the galley to commandeer the journey towards accomplishment and get each person to her desired destination; despite all the blisters you get on your hands, you can never let go of the wheel.

And ever since that experience, I never did let go of the wheel. I continued to seek for more ships to steer because these responsibilities taught me to become one who was selfless. Instead of devoting all of my time and efforts towards getting me where I wanted to, I decided to not just take the step forward alone but with other people, hand in hand. I started out small with my own class by becoming their Class President. And then, by becoming the Batch Representative for the socio-civic org, Bata-Batuta, I tried to see what aid I could give those not only in my batch or in my school even but rather to the less fortunate children outside the brick walls of Woodrose. By junior year, I took one of the biggest responsibilities of all by accepting the offer to become Woodrose's first ever third year Editor-in-Chief of the school paper.

Although I could just as easily take center stage all to myself and devote all my efforts towards my own personal goal, I continue to choose to take the more difficult task of staying behind the scenes and choreographing the whole show. After all, I would rather get to the top bringing all the people I can along with me rather than reaching the peak and having no one to share the view with. And besides, after awhile, the spotlight can get pretty blinding - might as well shine it on others rather than soaking up all the luminosity and losing your sight in the process.

Undergraduate / "the Renaissance woman" - WHY BROWN - Short Answer [11]

I'm only supposed to make use of 1000 characters but so far, my answer consists of 998 characters without spaces and 1228 with spaces. Please help me think of ways to make my thoughts more concise cause I'm having such a difficult time cause I have so much to say!! :)) And also, please give me your honest comments about what you think of the answer as a whole... I tried to show my personality and my passion as much as I could. Anyway, thanks!!

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

If you asked me at the age of 6 what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would've answered "a writer;" if you asked me at age 9, I would've said "a president;" at age 12, I would've told you I wanted to be "a businesswoman;" and at age 15, I would've told you with all confidence that "I want to be a doctor." Ask me today what I want to be and this I'll answer: "I want to be a writer, a president, a business woman, and a doctor. I want to be a Renaissance woman."

In this day and age, specialization has become all the rage in other schools, with students preoccupied with a singular degree. In Brown, however, consilience is celebrated. Brown is not only known for being skilled in one arena but in a myriad of different subjects, from the humanities to the sciences. As a student who has a deep love for literature, a keen interest in the physical sciences, and an innate drive for leadership, the opportunity that Brown provides me to combine different areas of study with an aim to produce an idiosyncratic yet holistic education is well enough to convince me that I belong in this school. Brown is not only an option but rather my choice college because in Brown, the Renaissance woman is all but dead; she is immortalized.