Undergraduate / "Every man is the architect of his own future" - FSU Essay [2]

Hey please read my essay and tell me what you think, good and bad and also any suggestions comments what I could add or delete. Watch for grammer also please.

Thanks:)

Topic
-The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

Essay
"Faber est quisque fortunae suae" is a Latin phrase that translates into "Every man is the architect of his own future". I honestly believe that we ourselves determine our future and that we are not limited by anything but ourselves. With the right principles, family, and courage I trust that any person can achieve success. We are greatly influenced, both positively and negatively, by the people around us and it is our job to distinguish between the two.

I have realized that my strength, both moral and mental, have derived from my mother who has always told me it is better to endure than to give up. She also told me that strength is not measured by muscles or weight, yet by personal ethics and honestly.

My mother encouraged me to set my own morals rather than to follow other's. She nudged me in the right direction when she saw I was straying to determine what is good and bad. She also taught me to never look the other way when someone needs help. It is because of her that I decided to become an active volunteer in my community by volunteering with Habitat for Humanity, United Way, March of Dimes, and other groups to help people that need it.

My father proves that the quest for knowledge never ends. He is eager to learn about anything and he passed this trait to me. Ever since elementary school, I had a passion for learning and art because of my father. Ever since I received my first box of crayons at age 4, I became obsessed with drawing and knew that this is something that I will do forever. Though I do understand that I am no Picasso, I love art in its many forms from painting, photography, and sculptures and I understand that you do not have to be great at something to love it. To quench my thirst for knowledge I decided to enter the International Baccalaureate program as my father hoped I would. Here I became immersed with knowledge, culture, independence, and free thinkers that all loved this pursuit of knowledge..

Though neither of my parents had the money to attend college, they greatly impacted my educational and moral career. They have instilled in me morals and sense of individualism that I will carry on into my college career at Florida State Unisersity and throughout my entire life. Both Vires and Artes impacted me and made me the independent, free thinking, and moral person that I am today. Though it is only me that controls my future, my family has greatly influenced my life.

Undergraduate / "Trip to Egipt & India" morals/responsibility that I grew up with" - meaningful event [3]

Hey!
I really need help with my essay for the University of Florida. I feel it's a little boring anf maybe off topic. Any critique, suggestions on improvements, and opinions will be greatly appreciated. Also please check grammar.

Thanks!!

Topic...
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

My essay...
As children, we all aspire to be something great whether it is an astronaut, a teacher, or a doctor. We all envision making a positive impact on society and doing great things. Yet, as I visited India and Egypt one summer, I quickly realized that many of the children living here do not have or even want a proper education to achieve their dreams. As I walked the crowded streets, I saw children as young as five famished and begging for food and money. When I asked my uncle, who lives in India, whether these children have ever been to school, he replied that many of the children were already adapted to this life and school was out of their reach. As I went to Egypt, I discovered the situation was the same; young children working in harsh environments and doing manual labor with no education. This moment got me thinking that these children must suffer a life of poverty and illiteracy and they will never have the chance to fulfill their true dreams. To be honest, I used to take granted of the education that I have received, an education that many around the world do not have. I, as well as many other teenagers, view school as a cumbersome duty as opposed to an honored privilege that it is. However, from that point, I vowed to appreciate the education that I received as well as to try to excel in my education the best I could.

My parents have always pushed me into getting a good education but I never understood why it was so imperative until this trip in the sixth grade. As I talked to some of these children, many of whom have not even heard the word university, I began to understand my responsibility as a student and what I could provide the world with a proper education. My responsibility as a student is to have a genuine desire to learn, to be open- minded, to respect others opinions but never lose my own, and to do my best at anything that is ahead of me. It is my job to receive an education so I can one day fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor and helping people around the world.

As I boarded the plane to go to India and Egypt, I was excited to go and explore new cultures and traditions; however, I came home with a new understanding and appreciation of school. I am fortunate enough to know what I want to do with my life and that I have the means to accomplish it. I know comprehend what a privilege it would be to expand my education by attending the University of Florida. I decided to further my education by entering the International Baccalaureate program in high school and now I want to excel at the University of Florida. At the University of Florida, I will continue to learn, carry on, and teach the morals and responsibility that I grew up with.