Posts by bemytthm

bemytthm

Nov 5, 2010

Writing Feedback / "percentage change in average house prices + no job, no life" - IELTS essay [2]

As a saying goes, "no job, no life", a majority of parts of the adult lives are spent aton work, ~~while~~therefore~~whether the position is satisfied~~job satisfaction has been concerned as an important (vital, crucial) element (factor) to everyone. This essay is going to concentrate on the factors contributesing to job satisfaction, and how realistic these expectations are for all workers.(try to use more your own words)

~~First, and also the one which is widely considered,~~the first consideration is the salary. The more payment the an individual receives, the more ~~they~~he or she are is interested in their works. However, it seems that this motivating trick ~~of employee motivating~~ doesn't work in ~~every time~~all cases , as the desire of human would never be satisfied (fulfilled/met-try not to repeat). Also it would result in a great amount of outcome for the employer who wants to wipe out these negative effects (which negatives? not clear) , if he/she is willing to.

Next, the atmosphere of a working space is a contribution to job satisfaction as well, which means such as the teammates surrounding and the fame of the place where people work. Just imagine that what you would experience when working with ~~guys~~(colleagues/those) who have a volatile temper, or in a company doing dirty works (1.Dirty works?? 2.Repeat Wh(What-When-Who)) . It is, sometimes, a vital factor of displeasure of workers. Never provide a working which is unbearable(unbearable-physically-->intolerable).

bemytthm

Nov 2, 2010

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Benefits of students doing extra jobs [4]

Thanks gracedrift. I did not recognize that. I just suddenly think of the topic then write to post to my blog. To be better, I should include some of personal example.

How about other things: vocabulary, grammar, choose the right words or ideas?? Help me to gain these things. Thanks.

bemytthm

Nov 1, 2010

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Benefits of students doing extra jobs [4]

Thanks in advance your contribution and critism
347 words/ about 45-50min -- quite long and also take too much time

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In present day and age, students are normally exposed to extra jobs as early as they start their university. This phenomenon, although in some extents, are proved to have negative effects, I feel strongly that the disadvantages are far outweighed by the advantages. In this essay, some of the benefits surrounding this matter will be carefully explained.

It is undoubtedly certain that students can gain their practical experience by getting involved extra jobs. Part-time jobs furnish them with precious chance to practice what they are learning at their universities. In addition, that seems to be more essential the present shortage of sufficiently practical conditions supplied in universities. As a result, students who get part time jobs have not only academic knowledge but also hands-on experience. Moreover, having experienced in working environment during student time offers a distinct advantage when they apply for jobs after their graduation.

Secondly, students who take on a part time job are often more confident and independent than other ones. By constant communicating with other colleagues daily in a company environment where their new ideas can be raised without hesitation, then students' confidence could be significantly gained. Also, working conditions require students the independency in thinking, working, and solving problems, which is greatly helpful when the characteristic is applied to tackle subjects in their universities.

Lastly, doing extra jobs helps student with money for their accommodation. Indeed, high studying tuition, added with raising accommodation expenses are becoming a huge burden to students. With the money they earn from extra jobs, which normally is not much, those difficulties could be partially solved. Moreover, that helps students from being reliant on their families as well as is a well-prepared condition for their independent later life.

In conclusion, I feel certain that having a part time job during your student time will offer students many clear benefits . By taking on an extra job, students can partly alleviate some their problematic matters such as working experience, confidence and accommodation. It is my belief the tendency of getting extra jobs will increase more in the future.

bemytthm

Oct 28, 2010

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The increasing business and culture contact between countries. [6]

- Advantageous impacts: impact is usually used with negative meanings'
--> It might be better if using :influence,obvious merits, postitive point, plus point... instead .

- Why in first paragraph where you were supporting for the advantageous influences, you continued supporting the opposite ideas? It's my view that each paragraph should support each separate idea. Therefore, in the first paragraph, you should say about the positive, and the second one you can support the negative.

- It does not matter to refer to the negative impacts in the first paragraph or vice versa. However, remember that you refer to the opposite ideas and then to refute it. That's also a very effective way to support for your main ideas.

bemytthm

Oct 19, 2010

Writing Feedback / Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades [4]

Thank you pierre11:
- Yes, I made my mistake when making the conclusion as the discussion's style. I'll take care of it.
- I learned a lot of new vocabulary from u.

bemytthm

Oct 18, 2010

Writing Feedback / Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades [4]

IELTS Essay: Explain why movies are popular

297 words/ 40 mins. Thank you in advance.
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Movies industry has greatly soared up for the recent decades. Since the first movie was successfully introduced a hundred year ago, films have been widely public and become one of the most favorite entertainment activities. This essay will look at some reasons explaining which features have made movies such prevalent.

Firstly, culture from various nations can be exchanged. Indeed, by film scenes, the lives, customs, and histories of people from all parts of the world are lively reflected. For instance, watching chinese movies furnish me with a thorough knowledge of its history, which is much more compelling than reading any chinese dull historical books. Likewise, Japanese traditional customs as "Kimono" can be publicly advertised through Japanese movies. As a result, it is movies that make a significant contribution to encourage understanding between nations.

Secondly, movies can entirely satisfy human being's desires. New technologies appeared in films allow it to achieve imaginary scenes, which even goes far beyond human being's imaginativeness. Indeed, people are well able to discover planets which are thousands of years of light far from the earth, or encounter strange creatures from the universe. By that way, one's imaginativeness can partially fulfilled and in some aspects, films encourage human beings to achieve such a world in the future.

Finally, while watching movies, we feel greatly entertained and amused. After long hours working hard, we can release our strain by enjoying our favourite movies. The movies which contain facetious features is a quite very useful tool to help us relaxed. Hence, we certainly feel more optimistic and are likely to honour our life more.

To sum up, however while movies in some extent have its drawbacks, the limitation is far outweighted by the benefits. And it is those features that have made movies well widespread.

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bemytthm

Oct 18, 2010

Undergraduate / Backpacking and how it helped me define myself- UC Prompt [10]

to your prompt1: .There is something I can recommend you to write about
- how your family has influeced youraspirations. It's one thing what you want to become, it's another thing what your parents desire.
- you could write that because you see many people living under poor conditions , therefore you desire to a become politian to better that problems.
- make up a story abt someone who 'is very close to you have an uncurable disease, therefore, that encourage you to become a doctor to find the remedy.

- or you could say that because you're impacted by your bad buddies, playing about all days, so, influence your dream that u want to be the leader of a robber group or criminal.. ^_^

All the prompt means just that: how your environment influen you, your characteristics and your thinking, therefore, influence your future..

bemytthm

Oct 9, 2010

Writing Feedback / Exploiting tourism is more lucrative than ever to nations galore; some concerns [4]

Article:
Tourism is becoming a good source of revenue to many countries. Discuss the advantages and the disvantages of exploiting this resource.
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My Response: 310 words/40 mins.

Nowadays more and more poeple are likely to go travelling and therefore tourism is getting more lucrative than ever to nations galore. While it is undoubtedly true that tourism is beneficial, there are still some concerns as to this field. This essay will look at both these arguments and discuss the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.

It is obvious that tourism brings to a nation many benefits. Firstly, owing to tourism industry, lots of new jobs have been created. Indeed,the living standard of those who live and work in travelling ares has been inevitably improved since the appearance of new high-paid carrers as tour guide or souvenir seller. Consequently, more revenue will be derived from travellers, which makes great contribution to not only local but national economy.As an typical example, most of Singapo's revenue have come from tourism-related activities and thanks to that, it is becoming one of the most developed nations in the world. Secondly, by investment for tourism, one's country images are widely broadcasted to the world, which will increase one's country role and influence on global political conferences.

However, There are some drawbacks of tourism. One clear problem is that more and more travellers coming to visit means more risky the enveronment is likely to be. The rubbish exposed by visitors can adversely impact to living environment and as a result to human being's health. Furthermore, tourists could be a source of some serious illnesses. Hundreds of people were dead several years ago due to the wide spread of the disease of SAT, which are caused partially by the travelling of infected passengers though nations. Likewise, terrorists and criminals could easily access a country in the name of tourists.

To conclude, while the disavantages of tourism are certainly understandable, the benefits offered by tourism make it well worthwide. Therefore, In my opinion, its advantages outweigh the drawbacks.

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Could you help me to correct this essay? Thanks you in advance.