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Posts by dfdfdf
Joined: Oct 12, 2010
Last Post: Oct 16, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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Oct 16, 2010
Undergraduate / Karate Test, MIT significant challenge [8]

I love your essay, beautiful word choice, excellent story.

would really appreciate it if you took a look at mine, would like your opinion!!
Oct 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "Diversity; more diverse audience of people"- rutgers essay help [3]

The question is:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

Tell me what you think!!!

Some problems with diversity among Rutgers students have recently been the subject of five o'clock news channels everywhere with the tragic death of a student whose privacy wall was shattered when a video explicated his undercover sexual orientation. This is solely the fault of some ignorant people and has not, in any way, changed my view of Rutgers because what a college application cannot measure is information about prejudices that an applicant carries with them, until this essay has been made required.

In my high school career, I have seen and learned about hate crimes and prejudice behavior, finding myself completely disturbed at the extent to which people will go to show their hatred of someone's practices. I have also been on the forefront of many gay slurs, but never take offense to them. The trite, yet true, statement that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" has dwelled in my brain since the day I heard it as a child. The words and remarks exacerbate throughout the years, but my reaction has never grown into more than an eye roll. I do dress different than most males and never took an interest in sports. I have taken an interest in the sciences, fashion, and theater. Part of what I bring to Rutgers is my unconventionality. With my myriad of interests, I bring open mindedness to new things and people, never being at a loss of words when involved in a conversation with somebody new.

Being raised as an Italian, family and bonds are very important to me, something I cherish above any material thing. Something my family taught me was to never stop helping someone in need until they are not in need anymore. I bring these same family values with me where ever I go, so Rutgers can be sure that this will be another contribution of mine.

On a lighter note, I have a natural talent of using humor effectively in social situations. I find myself making people laugh constantly which I use to bring many different people together. I always try my best to not only talk to a diverse group of people, but I then try to get those people to talk to other people, trying to stretch diversity even farther. This is mainly what I did with the Celebrations Club, an extracurricular activity I started in my high school. This club tried to bring together students of all ages to help celebrate anything happening in the school by announcing it on a bulletin board. Starting this club showed me that I can use my humor, something I thought was only for fun, and combine it with my intelligence, determination, and social skills and start a club, something I would love to do at Rutgers.

Overall, Rutgers can give me a college education, a necessity in today's world and a milestone for myself and family, as well as the college experience. Having spent most of my time at my house and school in Manalapan, Rutgers acts as a new platform for me to take everything I stated above to a broader more diverse audience of people. Rutgers can also act as a wake-up call for me to the real world happenings through the stories other students bring to Rutgers University. Rutgers University is my ticket to a successful and fulfilling life where I hope to share my experiences, learn from others, and mature into an adulthood.
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "a club called the Celebrations Club" - Elaborate on An Extracurricular Activity [3]

The Common App requires a brief (150 words or less) essay elaborating on an extracurricular or work experience. BE HONEST!

During my freshman year of high school, a few students and I decided to create a club called the Celebrations Club. This club would be open to new freshman in efforts to aid their transition into the daunting four years of high school by helping to keep the entire school in the know of what was going on at the school. We composed a bulletin board listing birthdays, baby announcements, recent achievements or accolades, and anything else noteworthy. We would also sporadically send out complimentary notes or candies to random people, trying to brighten someone's day. As president of this club, I watched the club grow into an asset of the school and received many letters of gratitude from staff and faculty. This club allowed me to put my stamp on my school during my freshman year, easing the anxiety of a new chapter of my life.
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Mug of Bliss" - Yale supplement essay help, should I submit this? [9]

i love it. shows your fun loving personality as well as your determination to savor the little things in life. great essay, can't imagine if this is your supplement what your actual essay is like!!!! would greatly appreciate some critique on my common app essay from you!
Oct 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "In the face of death" - Common App: an experience and how its affected your lfie [8]

I agree with EF_Kevin. Maybe try to include more changes this event had on you. I believe the question says evaluate so really actually do that! Great essay, sounds like a great experience!!! I would love if you guys would read my essay and give me some critiques as well! thank you!
Oct 12, 2010
Writing Feedback / Immoral Experience: "you should never say swear words" [3]

sorry but I agree with ryanvi16. try focusing more on what this movie did for you if you really like this topic and less on the actual plot. Plus in legally blonde, the gay guy is in love with the wife of the murder victim it is not the daughter. Plus, plus these are not the names of the characters in the movie.
Oct 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "Bad economic times are coming!" - Common App (experience, risk, dilemma) [4]

thank you so much you are so right about the topic change! yes I was unsure of adding this NHS info in as they can see that i was in this from my application but my teacher told me to add another time where this determination helped me...i think ill take it out and change to this new national concern.
Oct 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "Bad economic times are coming!" - Common App (experience, risk, dilemma) [4]

Tell me what you guys think about this essay for the Common App. I already had one teacher review it but thought I would ask you guys! thanks!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Bad economic times are coming!" "Worst time since the depression!" recited my father, telling my family his nightly AM radio news channel "hot topics," which were mostly money problems. I did not give much thought as to what my father was talking about; I was only fourteen. Little did I know, I would be sitting on my couch watching television, jobless at seventeen, listening to newscasters repeat what my father said that night.

When I turned sixteen, the age at which most places hire teenagers, I decided that I would start applying. Armed with a pen, my Social Security number, and my most professional outfit, I hopped into the passenger seat of my mom's car. Most of the places that I asked for an application from said that they either did not need the help at that time or only hired people over the age of eighteen. I applied anyway and told them that if they ever needed someone in the future to give me a call. I continued applying to places whenever I saw a sign claiming help was wanted, but apparently my help was not. "Was it my freakish six foot four inch height?" "Are nights and weekends not good enough?" "Did I stumble into a bad outfit choice?" All self-conscious questioning aside, I began to realize that adults with college educations were having a hard time finding jobs. Not only were the stores cutting down on employees, but more people were applying. I believe that I have the right qualifications for a job at a food store or at the mall, but adults with families needed these jobs and places were barely hiring those adults. That summer I ended up working with my father at his place of work, where I got to not only work, but spend quality time with my dad, which I believe was the best job I could have asked for.

If I had not maintained my determination for success, lost my positive attitude, and let, as the movie A Cinderella Story puts it, "the fear of striking out keep (me) from playing the game", I would probably live my life fearing rejection, never taking risks. But instead, I kept applying to stores and did all that I could do given the hard economic times being faced by the country, and got the great experience of working with my father for a summer as a reward. I learned that I should always stay determined and motivated regardless of the fact that rejection is a possibility and that things will not always go my way. This is the same determination that I applied to my studies in school where, regardless of if I got a job or not, I would always give my utmost attention to, qualifying me to be inducted into the National Honor Society based on my scholastic achievements and community service. So here I sit at my desk, typing this college admission essay with the same hope that I will be accepted into your school. I will do the same when the time comes for me to apply to medical school and the same when I am writing my resume to the hospital of my choice, where I intend on making bold discoveries in the world of plastic surgery, where I will make sure to give ample opportunity for young adults, interested in the medical field, to be a part of my team.