Undergraduate / "Street children" -Common app, an issue of personal concern and its importance to you [3]

Hi everyone. This is my common app essay for the topic: "Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you". Since it is my 1st draft, i wish you guys could say everything you think for my essay to improve. I appreciate your helps!

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"Can you give me 2000 dong? I have not eaten for nearly two days! I am so hungry!" - a little boy sitting on the sidewalk begged me weakly as he did not have any energy left. The weather that time was so cold. The freezing wind made my hand numb and my body tremble. It was Noel five years ago. Opposite to people around who were wearing beautiful warm jacket and enjoying such a great event like Noel, the boy just wore a thin T-shirts and put on a torn blanket. He seemed to be marginalized from the happy warm atmosphere of Christmas.

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P/s: I know i am not a good writer so criticisms are very welcome!

Undergraduate / "The influence of my dad" - Essay on someone that influenced me [7]

Hi everyone. This is the my first draft of the topic :"someone that influenced me". I know i am not a good writer! I hope you can help me to make this essay work! I appreciate all of your helps! Thank you!

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... "Are you studying? "
- "Umm, not really. I am writing an essay for application."
- "What is it about?"
- "It is about a person who has a significant impact on me"
- "Have you chosen someone yet?"
- "Yes. I've already had one. It's you, Daddy" ...

Nearly nineteen years is a long enough time for me to realize the significant influence my dad has had on me. He is not only a successful man, but also a dad with many respected characteristics, who is a model for his children. Being nurtured by and living with him, I have learned many of those characteristics and developed some of his interests which also become my interests now. Because of him, I am the person of who I am today.

My childhood was full of my dad's stories told by my grandmother whenever she came to visit us on summer. They were the stories of how my dad had to start working from the very young age since my grandparents were very poor, of how he transplanted and harvested rice for rich families to earn some money to buy book and of how he spent every single second of his free time on studying. Thanks to his effort, my dad was the only person of ... to pass the university entrance exam and sent to Bulgaria for college because of his high scores. For a little girl like me, at that time, these stories just brought me the feeling of being proud of my dad. As time goes by, I realize that these stories are indeed valuable lessons of nonstop trying for me. Thanks to my dad, I now have more opportunities than he did before; if I do not strive to get my goals, I would feel very embarrassed to him. Furthermore, these stories also nurtured in me a wish - the wish of having the ability to provide my parents a happy life when they get older because without their continuous effort, I would never have a good life like I do today. For making it come true, I know I will have to try harder.

The influence my dad has not only on my thought and my characteristic but also on my interest. Since he is very interested in Math, I was familiar with math since I was a little girl. My dad was the one who built up the passion of Math on me. When I was at primary school, my mom used to work all day and just came back home after 8 p.m; therefore, I spent most of my times with dad who returned from work at 5 p.m. After finishing all the house works and cooking dinner, we started studying Math together in the garden in front of my parent's bedroom. I was brought to the world of logic, numbers and inquisition by many interesting "Children Mathematics" magazine's Math exercises which did not require me to work much with number but to reason to find out the solutions. The reward for each of my correct solution without dad's supporting was a big bag of Milk Cow candy. But there were also times that I did not receive any candy bag for months. It has been several years from these nights do I realize that what I have learned are not only many interesting math exercises but also the independence and logical thought in solving any of my own problems.

.. Knock, knock, knock
- Come in!
- Hey girl, staying up late is not good for your health! You could be less beautiful!
- Ok, I know daddy! Don't stay up late, too!
Turning off the light, I am back to my lovely bed. Three meters from my room, in my parent's bedroom, my dad is still working. At this moment, I feel love and respected for my dad more than ever. Tomorrow is coming and there will be another challenge for me. And I will continue to strive, strive for myself and for the biggest Milk Cow candy bag for my effort: the ability to bring my parent a happy

Undergraduate / "my goals when studying abroad" - what would you bring to the diversity [6]

This is my essay answered for the topic 5 in common app " what would you bring to the diversity in a college community". Thank you in advance for your help

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It is a deep, warm and sad sound. It catches my attention from the very first time that I stop what I am doing to listen to it attentively. I feel like I am listening to a story from the deep heart of a sentimental girl. The story is sad, but full of love. Even when I turn off the TV, this haunting sound keeps on resounding constantly in my mind seeming like there is a connection between my soul and it. I cannot stop thinking about it several days after. It is the sound of Dan Bau - a Vietnamese musical instrument.

Though it is not the first time I listen to the Vietnamese folk song "Qua cau gio bay" but this is the first time I listen to it played by Dan Bau. This sound is so obsessive that I cannot find the cause. Deep in my mind, I think I have found the solution for my problem.

Back to several months ago, listening to my close friends, who all knew how to play at least one musical instrument discussed music while I had nothing to contribute was annoying. I was like a chicken standing among the nightingales. Nevertheless, the chicken could not just stand there for the rest of its life trying to understand the luxurious language of the nightingales. Therefore, I vowed to study one instrument, at least, to understand my friends' talks. Since I was not interested in some popular instruments such as guitar, violin, piano, etc., it took me so much time to choose one to study. For me, I wanted to study a unique but traditional instrument, which is meaningful to Viet Nam.

After that fateful sound, I was so excited that I started to search some information about Dan Bau. It was an enjoyable surprise to find out funny information said that Dan Bau has a different name: Doc Huyen Cam, which in common meaning means "monochord" but in word-by-word translation is "only for Huyen (my name)", for me only. Furthermore, Dan Bau is simple but so unique. It just has a spout, a sound box and one single string while capable of generating wonderful sounds covering a wide tonal range for most songs. In addition, I also discovered some interesting legends about it that would normally make one hesitate. It is said that if you are a girl, you should not listen to Dan Bau. Once you heard, you would never forget it. Since girls who listened to Dan Bau used to fall in love with the players who used to be poor artists, old family used to abandon their daughters to approach it. Another legend warns that Dan Bau's sound is so sad that if you are lovelorn, listening to Dan Bau can cause you to suicide. These sayings could let some people, especially girls, felt afraid of studying Dan Bau; however, for me, conversely, they were so fascinating. I am eager to be the one who creates this charming sound.

Since it was necessary to have a guide and there were not many people studying, I had to sign up for a small but so expensive Dan Bau class. Unfortunately, thinking it was no use and time consuming, my dad did not support my study. An essential plan to get dad's approval started. Whenever there was a chance, I asked him to sit and watched Dan Bau videos with me. Everything we discussed about was intentionally turned into Dan Bau in my effort to convince him. Sometimes when dad passed by, my conversation with friends on phone would immediately be switched to Dan Bau. After two weeks of being bothered, my poor dad, although a stubborn man, could not stand it anymore. Therefore, to escape from the videos, he agreed to help me with the tuition fee. I then felt so energetic to start studying Dan Bau.

Opposite to its simple build, practicing Dan Bau is still so tough. You have to use your hand correctly, to lean upon the particular point for yourself on the string, to use the twang stick in a correct declination to the string to twang the exact sound. If you do not practice correctly, your hands can easily get hurt because of the steel string. At the beginning, my hand edge used to be swollen and my wrist was so sore. Furthermore, using the spout is very complicated since if you do not pull it at the right angel, you cannot twang the exact note. Sometimes do I feel despondent and want to escape from these difficulties. However, thinking about the day when I can play beautifully a full song by Dan Bau inspires me to keep on going. The more I play Dan Bau, the more I understand Vietnamese people. Dan Bau is like a metaphor for Vietnamese people: its simple structure portraits the simple-outlook us, while its deep sound depicts the Vietnamese warm soul. Each sound of it is the forebears' voice through thousands years to nowadays descendants.

Dan Bau's character is one of my goals when studying abroad. Dan Bau can play very beautifully many foreign songs while still keep the Vietnamese soul in its sound. For me, I want to take part in the foreign education but I will maintain the Vietnamese essence in me. One more surprise, my friends, who initially thought Dan Bau was an unwise choice, after seeing me play Dan Bau, are now attracted to it so much. I guess the nightingales now really want to learn the "unique" sound of the little chicken.