Unanswered [0]
  

Posts by iwantcollege
Joined: Oct 27, 2010
Last Post: Jan 2, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 11  

Displayed posts: 15
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
iwantcollege   
Jan 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "For you, I've devoted and risked my chromatids!" - Chicago - FIND X! essay prompt [7]

echoing louder as graduation inched closer.---i think you should change inched to something smaller, and inch seams like such a large measurement for this....

haha this is hilarious, and i think exactly what uchicago is looking for...i think if you added more subtle hummer , it would really make it a home run (even though it already is).

in my opinion , you will have no problem getting in. The best "X" essay i have seen yet....=)

i guess the only thing i can think of (besides grammar which i didnt look at two closely because the story was so good) is the length, its long, but def not repetitive...

oh also i think for the story being so great, the ending is a little ehhh
specifically this part

The union of X and Y, nine months later, yielded a flawless baby boy. His first coherent utterance turned out to sound, almost unmistakably, like the inquiry of "Why?"

And so the question lives on.

(Definitely still great) but maybe try to tie something in about u of c, or something. --totally opinion though. great job!!
iwantcollege   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "A lesson at 10, Orchestra at 12.." University of Notre Dame, "morning rituals" [5]

ya i really didn't want to use the shower as the topic...but i already talked about music in 2 other essays... and its due tomorrow haha..

It is six A.M. and the trickle of hot water shakes me from my sluggish haze. As I regain my lucidity, I begin to sort out the day's events: A lesson at 10, Orchestra at Twelve, Chamber at three, and those dreaded college apps tonight. My morning shower is a chance to purify my body, mind, and soul. As I wash away the dirt and toils of the previous day, I pray for patience and guidance for the day ahead. I thank God for my family, school, and all the opportunities I have been blessed with. I reflect on my actions, hoping to improve as a person, student, and musician. I remember the extra chord I played at the end of Dvorak 8 in rehearsal, and the mistake on that chemistry test, but remind myself that today is a new day, a fresh start.

i gotta change the I's at the beginning of the sentences... i dont like the structure or flow right now. this is the other one

Tell us about a time when you have surprised others or yourself by doing something unexpected.

There is a man that lives on the corner of Irving Park Rd and Kilpatrick Ave. Every Christmas, I can't help but think of this man. He has lived there for long as I can remember, and every year I ask my Aunt about him, wishing to gain some insight into his mysterious past. My question is quickly repressed, and I reluctantly rejoin the mundane chatter of the family. But this year, I would no longer ignore my itching thought. As we sat around the large table, overflowing with food and drink, I once again brought up the man near Six Corners. Again, I was discouraged, but this time something inside me clicked. I felt hurt, how could someone tune out the less fortunate on Christmas? At once, I left my plate of food to fix the man a meal. As my older cousin and I drove to the bus stop, I was nervous. Sure enough, huddled by his lonesome wrapped in blankets was the man, shivering in the dark cubicle. As I approached with the food and two liter of Coke, he looked up at me, and I said, "This is for you, Merry Christmas." I will never forget his bright blue eyes, as he peered back at me, bewildered, and said "God bless you."

im really stuck on this..im 66 words over =/
iwantcollege   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "A lesson at 10, Orchestra at 12.." University of Notre Dame, "morning rituals" [5]

Tell us about a time when you have surprised others or yourself by doing something unexpected.

There is a man that lives on the corner of Irving Park Rd and Kilpatrick Ave. Every Christmas, I can't help but think of this man. He has lived there for long as I can remember, and every year I ask my Aunt about him, wishing to gain some insight into his mysterious past. My question is quickly repressed, and I reluctantly rejoin the mundane chatter of the family. But this year, I would no longer ignore my itching thought. As we sat around the large table, overflowing with food and drink, I once again brought up the man near Six Corners. Again, I was discouraged, but this time something inside me clicked. I felt hurt, how could someone tune out the less fortunate on Christmas? At once, I left my plate of food to fix the man a meal. As my older cousin and I drove to the bus stop, I was nervous. Sure enough, huddled by his lonesome wrapped in blankets was the man, shivering in the dark cubicle. As I approached with the food and two liter of Coke, he looked up at me, and I said, "This is for you, Merry Christmas." I will never forget his bright blue eyes, as he peered back at me, bewildered, and said "God bless you."

im really stuck on this..im 66 words over =/
iwantcollege   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "A lesson at 10, Orchestra at 12.." University of Notre Dame, "morning rituals" [5]

1. The Grotto is a cherished destination on Notre Dame's campus, a space that invites students and visitors to pray and take time for reflection. Do you have a place that you seek out, and what do you contemplate there?

It's Six A.M. and the spatter of hot water shakes me from my sluggish haze. As I regain my lucidity, I begin to sort out the day's events: A lesson at 10, Orchestra at Twelve, Chamber at three, and those dreaded college apps tonight. My daily morning shower is a chance for me to purify my body, mind, and soul. As I wash away the dirt, and toils of the previous day, I pray for patience and guidance for the day ahead. I thank god for my family, school, and all the opportunities I have been blessed with. I reflect on myself, thinking of how I can improve as a person, student, and musician. I remember the extra chord I played at the end of Dvorak 8 in rehearsal, and the mistake on that chemistry test, but remind myself that today is a new day, a fresh start.
iwantcollege   
Nov 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "career as a journalist" - Northwestern Supplement [5]

This is a wonderful essay!!! it really answers the question in a way that will stick out to the admissions counselors...i wish i could write as good as you! good luck =)
iwantcollege   
Nov 27, 2010
Book Reports / Heart of Darkness Essay (Economics: A Study of Consumption) [3]

Conrad establishes a clear conflict between the civilized and the uncivilized in Heart of Darkness. The civilized elevate certain principles as societal ideals such as equality of opportunity, justice and intellectualism. The civilized peoples of the earth often try to impress their values onto the perceived 'savages'. They justify their actions with a higher purpose, either in the name of God or in the name of progress for the good of mankind. Civilized man values the idealIdea? of progress because moral progress separates the man from his primordial nature, effectively restraining the best beast within. In Heart of Darkness, Conrad criticizes the failure of civilized men to live up to the ideal of spreading moral progress through the changes within Kurtz and the distortion of moral progress to economic progress.this is just an opinion, but if i were you i would put this last sentence at the beginning of the essay

"The changes take place inside, you know," (137) Marlow's medical examiner mysteriously foreshadows the changes in temperament and beliefs of Kurtz. Kurtz arrives in the jungles of Africa with dreams of bearing the torch of progress and civilization to the savages of the Congo to uplift them: "He bothered me enough when he was here. "Each station should be like a beacon on the road towards better things, a centrecenter for trade of course, but also for humanisingHumanizing , improving, instructing." Conceive you-that ass!'" (162). Conrad illustrates the ranking involved in the process of achieving 'better things' for humanity through a crescendo of clauses. This revealsthrough a crescendo of clauses, Conrad reveals Kurtz's intentions ( or something like this) that Kurtz's intentions in the establishment of trading posts hold profit as the lesser goal and instruction and education as the true objectives. However, as the wilderness "caresse him...take him, love him...consume his flesh," (179) Kurtz finds himself changing physically and morally. A now skeletal being, Kurtz no longer strives to educate and civilize the natives, but rather uses them as his personal labor force. Kurtz's failure to make the dream of moral progress a reality demonstrates Conrad's criticism of civilization's failure to achieve ideals as Kurtz symbolizes civilization and his corrupted ideals represent society's principles.

Conrad condemns civilization's failure to live up to its ideal of moral progress through the distortion of moral and intellectual progress to economic progress, which is not in the best interests of all parties involved. The naïve citizens of Europe, who have not ventured into Africa, suffer from the delusion that the primary goal of occupying the Congo is to "[wean] those ignorant millions from their horrid ways" (138). good example Marlow half-heartedly attempts to enlighten his aunt to the true motives of the Company: profit. Marlow's encounter with the accountant demonstrates the self-interest of the modern day 'conquistadors', more wrapped up in vanity than in education or moral progress: "He had been out nearly three years; and, later on, I could not help asking him how he managed to sport such linen. He had just the faintest blush, and said modestly, 'I've been teaching one of the native women about the station. It was difficult. She had a distaste for the work'" (145). Conrad lightly mocks Europeans' fixation on keeping up appearances through diction choices like "faintest blush" and "modestly." i also think it shows the inhumane qualities of Europeans and how they are actually the savages, not the natives. The accountant should have been instructing the native women about self-sustaining practices or Christianity, not how to weave fine European linen. ehhh i dont know about that, in my opinion that would be no different. wether it is European cloth or religion, it is still the same type of oppression and infringement When Marlow finally meets Kurtz, he anticipates a man of high morals; a champion of moral progress. However, Kurtz appears to have fallen victim to the distorted ideals like other Company employees. The Manager condemns Kurtz's method of collecting ivory not because of its immorality, but because of its lack of economic foresight: "'Mr. Kurtz has done more harm than good to the Company...We must be cautious yet. The district is closed to us for a time! Deplorable! Upon the whole, the trade will suffer. I don't deny that there is a remarkable quantity of ivory-mostly fossil. We must save it, at all events- but look how precarious the position is- and why? Because the method is unsound'" (195). Conrad demonstrates his disappointment with society's execution of a righteous principle (moral progress) by twisting it into an immoral standard (economic progress).

Conrad's social commentary on the discrepancy between ideals and realities encourages the readers of Heart of Darkness to question their personal beliefs, as well as the collective principles of their societies.this is good At its core, this novel acts as a nudge, pushing you to examine what you believe in and whether or not you act in accordance with your values. The book certainly lacks optimism about the nature of man, as no characters stay true to their society's ideal of moral progress when confronted with the darkness of the human heart. Let it be a lesson to us: we must be watchful of our actions as we engage in the eternal struggle to balance our ideals with the chained beast within.

overall this is a great essay, i wish i could write as good as you. =)
iwantcollege   
Nov 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am a cellist" common app short response [5]

thanks! i dunno, like essay wise, i think its the best thing i have written so far...do you think i should turn it into an essay then for my personal statement or something else?? Because Im usually not a strong writer...and i just hope that because its just the short answer it will get overlooked..i just am trying to thing what way would help me the most and stand out the most to the admissions counselors. and you dont think it sounds to rude or anything? thats why i changed the first draft...

hahah i feel so honored about your comment concerning the poem...i wasn't consciously trying to make it that way...though we are in the poetry unit in my lit class...hm!!! oh and ya regarding the semicolons...i am a bit unsure of when to use them...i mean i know the rules on using them ( and commas to) but its just a habit of second guessing myself. thansk so much!
iwantcollege   
Nov 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am a cellist" common app short response [5]

this is my common app short response. I was thinking of using it instead for the common app essay, or something else. Should I? or is this fine for the short essay? thanks!

My fingers are hardened by labor; But not the labor of brute force and mindless repetition. No, this is a different kind of labor, a refined labor, a labor of love. One of melodic precision and tedious preparation; One that requires years of honing and hours of grueling concentration. This labor is an art, and has been my life for the past nine years. I am a musician, but not just any musician. I am a Shostakovich junkie; Give me the Eight String Quartet and I could give an hour lecture on the notes D, E-flat, C, and B. But this would merely scratch the surface of my musical profile. My ringtone sounds to the tune of Jacqueline Du Pre's Elgar. No, I do not play the bass, and yes, there is a difference between band and orchestra, so please learn it. I am a musician. I am a cellist.
iwantcollege   
Nov 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "Chemistry through Cooking" UIUC Academic interests essay [3]

Prompt: please discuss your academic interests:
When I was seven, I had made my first Cucidati. By the age of ten, I had mastered the art of homemade spaghetti and meatballs. By the time I was fourteen, I could prepare an entire thanksgiving meal with the help of my grandmother. As a child, I was introduced to the love of cooking through my grandmother. Whether it was Thanksgiving, or just a Sunday meal, I was always in the kitchen helping her prepare some sort of Sicilian delicacy. My passion for cooking followed me into high school where I was adamant on becoming a chef. This passion changed during my sophomore year however, when I discovered the excitement and gratitude of academia. From my first experiment in Chemistry class, I was hooked. I finally found a subject that satisfied all my multifaceted interests.

My love for mixing and measuring was quenched through Chemistry. But what specifically did I want to do with chemistry? During the summer of my freshman and sophomore year, I had been a volunteer baker at my mother's church. I knew I loved helping people, so what about a carrier in Medicine? Doctors worked so much though, and I loved being with my family. I knew that that lifestyle would not work for me. As I was contemplating my many choices, it struck me: a Pharmacist! As a pharmacist, I would be able to do the two things I loved: helping people, and using chemistry.

As I look back, I realize that although my once lifelong dream to become a chef has physically changed, at its core, my interest has not; in fact, it has only evolved into something that satisfies all my interests academically and socially. Through Chemistry, I am confident that I will be able to grow as a scientist, and chef.
iwantcollege   
Oct 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Pizza Lab Revelations: A CommonApp Essay on a Person of Influence [4]

first of all, i want to say that i think your topic is great! and the you have a very nice hook. I am not a very good writer so i can't help you much with syntax and such but what i can say is try to stay in one tense.

At 4:45a.m, our veteran counselors pullPulled us out of bed to start the day, literally dragging me out of my comfort zone. Yelling and intimidation were part of the camp routine, meant to toughen us ups.this sentence is awkward, either reword it or i would delete meant to toughen us up. A careless mistake could mean pushups and humiliation in front of your comrades. At the end of the first day, our counselor givesgave us a chance to go home if we weren't up for the challenge. But having already taken a mouthful of this new adventure, I realizerealized that I must swallow my first bite.

to your questions, yes i think that your essay is light and humorous. and no, the analogy is great! and it is coherent and YES it makes a good point. hope that helped =)
iwantcollege   
Oct 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "the Canzonetta Youth Orchestra" - UIUC Essay 2: my trip to france [4]

ok, so the essay has to be 300 words or less,and i have to elaborate on an extracurricular activity and why i chose it, why i continued with it, and why i benefited from it. please be blunt!!! constructive criticism is ALWAYS GOOD!!!!

When first presented with the opportunity to play as principal cellist on the Canzonetta Youth Orchestra French Exchange Trip, I was terrified. I had been section leader for the past year, but was I ready to represent my orchestra and country internationally? Equally disconcerting, was the fact that my French vocabulary consisted entirely of the words "oui", "croissant", and "fromages". Despite my fear, I full heartedly accepted the offer determined to prove myself to Mr. Kagan, and my peers. Little did I know that during that week I would learn far more than just how to be a better musician and section leader.

Upon our arrival in Toulouse, we were taken in a bus to the Conservatory, where we were welcomed by a brass quintet and the entire Conservatory. It was extraordinary how welcoming and excited they were to see us. Despite the happiness that overcame me, I could not help but feel isolated. I was-literally-at a loss of words. As much as I wanted to communicate with everyone, I had no clue how; I was now the minority, a feeling entirely foreign to me. How was I going to communicate with people that did not understand me?

I discovered the answer to this question during our first joined rehearsal with the Conservatory. As the conductor stood up to give the first queue, we all raised our bows, in unison, waiting patiently for the downbeat. When it came, the orchestra sounded as one living force, working in complete harmony.

I realized then, that although we may be from different parts of the world, and although we may not understand each other linguistically, we could communicate musically. This is the true beauty, and power of music. Music is the solvent that dissolves all language barriers. Unlike words, Music is not bound by geography, or culture; it can be understood and loved by all humanity.

This experience not only strengthened my love for music, but gave me the ability to empathize with immigrants all over the world. I am confident that these experiences will aid me in my pursuit and development as a musician, scholar, and individual.
iwantcollege   
Oct 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Blank Canvas - COMMON APP EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY [11]

your writing style flows nicely and has great imagery, but i am unsure of the "extracurricular activity" or "work experience" in which it is elaborating on...
ⓘ Need academic writing help? 100% custom and human!
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳